Bride invites sister's ex-husband to wedding, won't let her new BF attend. AITA?
When this bride-to-be is concerned about her guest list, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA if I invited my sister's ex-husband to my wedding and not her new boyfriend?"
I'm getting married in the next year and invites are naturally being sent out right about now. For some background, my sister and her ex husband split a few years ago with children in the picture.
My sister just 'fell out of love' with him. There have been a few points where both of them have been horrible towards each other, but they seem to have buried the hatchet and get along fairly well.
Me and my whole family have known her ex-husband for around 20 years now. We all keep in regular contact with him as he has mostly sole custody of the children and lives closer to us.
We offer him advice and support as he is going through a tough time right now with sole custody, needing to work a full time job, and that job not paying well.
We look past the break up and still see him as part of our family still.
My sister, on the other hand, moved far away to Berlin to live with her boyfriend. She has no custody of the children of her own choice.
They are both aged around 10-14 and miss her. Ever since getting together with her new boyfriend, she has completely changed as a person. She's lost all her weight and aged dramatically in just a year, which sets off alarm bells for drug use.
Her money simply disappears aswell- despite not paying any form of rent or bills with her boyfriend.
This new boyfriend of hers is also extremely narcissistic and abusive. They argue a lot; he will then kick her out onto dangerous streets at 3am and she will go MIA and we have to track her down and try to get her to come home with us.
Every time she refuses to follow and proclaims "we just don't understand her relationship" and that "he is worth it" and goes back to him. He hasn't met our family in the 2 years they've been together and has a fear of public transport (but has used it in the past for his ex-gf?)
The problem is, she is my bridesmaid as she is my sister. She however has tried to convince me not to invite her ex-husband and said she will 'bring the children over herself' (I live abroad).
She argued that she would just turn up for the ceremony and leave afterwards and that because she's in a new relationship her ex husband shouldn't be invited. This risks a huge argument breaking out just because I want to invite her ex husband and not her current boyfriend to my wedding.
My dad has taken her side because he doesn't want to lose her and wants to keep the peace, even saying I should invite her current boyfriend (who also has no means of making any trip to my country). I feel controlled, like I've lost my sister plus dad just because I want to have people I'm close with at my wedding.
Me and my dad are close and he is smart, so to have him agree that he shouldn't be invited for my sister's comfort has hurt me, but I do understand. I get why in normal circumstances inviting her ex husband would be rude - but I feel like I'm dealing with a different beast here.
I haven't sent out the invites yet as I'm scared, WIBTA if i invited her ex-husband?
Let's see what readers thought.
kikimadecrazy writes:
NTA. Your wedding, you should choose who you want to be there. It hurts to hear that your dad took your sisters side. Maybe you can talk to your dad private, why he thinks you should not invite a friend of you and the father of your niece and nephew but a complete stranger to your wedding.
If your dad isn't backing down, you might have to choose if it is worth the drama. Maybe you have to not invite her ex-husband or just invite him to the ceremony (because niece and nephew?) but don't invite her boyfriend!
Is it an option to remove your sister as a bridesmaid (as she is clearly not thinking about what you want but just what she wants)?
I would also recommend that you let everyone know not to use drugs at your wedding (if you have some plausible story of a wedding of a friend/co-worker, which was ruined by a drug using guest who just said 'he/she didn't know it was not okay at the party') - just so your sister don't do it and use this excuse after.
pillssrbadmmkay writes:
NTA and I totally get wanting to invite the kids' dad and not the new boyfriend. It seems your dad is enabling her to continue with her bad behavior.
I get not your dad not wanting to lose his daughter but at some point, he's gotta put his foot down and really, it seems like she's isolating herself away from the family anyway. For this new random violent dude. It seems like your sister pops in and out at her convenience.
I can't imagine what her poor kids are going through. With the sudden weight loss and lack of funds, I'd suspect drugs too. I'm sorry your family is going through this.