When this bride feels guilty about how she treated her ex-maid of honor, she asks Reddit:
In October I did a bachelorette trip with Ren (my MOH at the time from my home state), Mimi (my bridesmaid I met after moving) and 3 friends I met through Mimi.
Ren has anxiety so I took care of booking lodging, activities, meals, etc. Everyone else flew but Ren drove 13+ hours with her bf Mac who she originally wanted to stay with us at the Airbnb (I really had to put my foot down).
She said she needed a car & Mac's help for the stuff she was bringing. I had told her everything she could fit in a suitcase would be enough but she insisted.
Ren arrived 5 hrs late from traffic and blamed Mac for putting off a thing for the trip. I knew she'd be anxious/feel like an outsider so I told Ren dont worry, bought her fave dessert and introduced her with things she had in common with everyone.
Ren stayed behind to unpack and go to bed (we shared the master) while the rest of us went out for a 8pm activity.
The next morning Mimi got up early, bought groceries, made a breakfast buffet, and set up the rest of Ren's decor. Ren had also brought a hand-made cake, favors and games, but didn't initiate or help with food prep, clean up, making drinks, ubers, etc.
She also didn't do herself any favors making friends with rude comments and talking a lot about herself. I didnt let it bother me and just enjoyed myself, like when Mimi invented a drinking game for me to drink when I say sorry.
I’ll admit, having fun required me to tune out Ren when she complained about her clothes, her special drink order I messed up, etc. I didnt ignore her, just said "hm" or "aw" more often.
On Sunday Ren reiterated the work she put into our swag. I thanked her again & said she should've saved herself the trouble by flying/bringing less.
When I asked what took up the most space she listed everything again, sarcastically said “sorry for bringing decorations" and disappeared in her phone.
I asked if she was ok and she said something like “Not really" but I let it go. Then Ren sat out another activity & said she had to go because of a work emergency for Mac. Before she left we hugged, I thanked her for everything & we said I love you. When the rest of us got back to the house Mac and Ren were still packing.
I said we're going to do costume photos so she can join before leaving, then apologized for saying she should've flown and said “ultimately I’m just sad we didn’t get to spend more time together" (intead of "you were late and are leaving early").
Ren replied she didnt know what I meant and felt blown off by me. After a few minutes it became clear we weren't going to resolve things right away. I admittedly muttered "knew I shouldn’t have said anything" & went back downstairs. Mac packed up there and Ren left without saying anything.
The next day I got a long text about Ren dropping me as a friend with all the ways I upset her. Not sitting next to her enough, replying "hm" too much, and random things from long ago. I really need an outsiders opinion now. AITA?
Girl. Between the drinking game they invented, and the fact that you think you might even be a LITTLE bit the asshole here, it's very clear you a people pleaser to a fault.
I admire that level of empathy and kindness (as its not something I naturally possess, but am working on), but you likely waste so much energy trying to please people who really don't deserve that from you.
Ren is absolutely one of those people. She made YOUR bachelorette trip about her in SO many ways, and she brought her freaking boyfriend. COME ON NOW.
NTA. Friendships don't have to be (and shouldn't be) transactional, but stop keeping people in your life that don't do anything positive for it, or that drain you.
NTA. She sounds utterly exhausting and wants all the attention to herself.
Not sure what she expected you to do seeing you had several other friends there that you couldn't just ignore so Her Highness got your undivided attention. She even brought her boyfriend along to your bachelorette party!
Sometimes friendships end when we're adults and that's okay, we branch out differently and it just happens. Sounds like this friendship is at that stage.
NAH seems like a big miscommunication.