Bride REFUSES to let stepdad pay for her wedding. AITA?
When this bride-to-be is annoyed with her stepdad, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for refusing to let my stepdad pay for my wedding?"
I (27F) am engaged to my fiancé Raf. Raf and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. That was always something we planned on doing and we have saved for a number of years to afford a nice wedding.
Ever since my dad died when I was 6 I knew in the future if I got married, his dad, my granddad, would be walking me down the aisle and dancing with me in dad's place.
Honestly I think even if dad was alive I'd have both of them because granddad and I always had a special relationship. When I played weddings as a kid I used to have both of them "walk me down the aisle" lol.
I was upfront about asking granddad to my mom and stepdad. They didn't take the news great. My stepdad wanted to be the one who performed as father of the bride and he told me as much.
He didn't like that I was giving him and my mom focus as a couple but not him as my dad, and he said this because I arranged for a special dance for the two of them as well as a special toast to the two of them during the wedding.
He said after being in my life since I was 7 (when I met him) and being my stepdad since I was 9 (when he and mom got married officially) he feels he is more deserving of the role.
I told him I understood he was upset but I had made my decision. He said it was childish to keep to a decision I made as a baby and never open myself up to alternatives.
When I didn't give in they got a little huffy and I decided to leave to give them some space. Then my stepdad came to me and said I should let him pay for the wedding.
This came out of nowhere honestly but I knew instantly what he was trying to do. I knew that if I took his money, I wouldn't be able to say no to him, it would be entitled as hell to let him pay but not give him the role he wants and the jobs he wants to do.
It also wouldn't have felt right to me anyway because I never went to him for anything. So it would have felt like I was taking advantage and he's never going to be my dad, he can't buy that from me, so I stuck to my convictions and I said thanks for offering but we're good, we have the money.
He went on a long rant about how traditionally, the father of the bride always pays for the wedding and how tradition is important and he said it was bad luck to pay for your own wedding.
I told him we were a more modern couple and had chosen to pay for our own wedding with no financial contributions from anyone. He was angry and he left.
Ever since he and my mom have said I disrespected him immensely by denying him the right to pay. Mom brought up how he comes from a very traditional and conservative family and that it is shameful for him not to be paying for everything.
She told me he had been looking forward to paying for my special day and I threw his more than generous offer in his face. My stepdad told me I had ruined the whole wedding for him now.
Also I don't want both granddad and stepdad to do the walk/dance.AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
nirw99 writes:
"My stepdad told me I had ruined the whole wedding for him now" How ridiculous is to say something like this TO THE BRIDE??
OP you should make them be ashamed of themselves for trying to manipulate you financially into giving your stepdad a role. Since they care so much about paying they should be okay with you still walking with your grandad, shouldn't they? NTA.
knickers1978 writes:
NTA. So, when are they getting told they’re not invited anymore? Because your stepwank seems to want to make your day all about him. He’s not your dad, and you could refuse him even if he was. It’s your wedding. I think it’s lovely to have your grandfather walk you down the aisle. Tell stepwank to take a hike.
mychoicnotyours writes:
NTA tell them to back off or consider themselves uninvited because you want a drama free wedding. It's your wedding to have it how you please. My mum's wedding was planned by her ex husband's family and they ruined it for her.
She wasn't allowed to wear white, the cake wasn't what she wanted. To this day it actually traumatized her because she was so unhappy. Do not let someone else dictate how your wedding should be.