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Bride refuses to let late mom's friend play any part in her wedding. AITA?

Bride refuses to let late mom's friend play any part in her wedding. AITA?


When this woman doesn't want her late mom's friend in her wedding, she asks Reddit:

"WIBTA if I refused to let my dead mom's friend play any part in my wedding?"

My mom passed away a few years ago. I (31F) have since found a partner I love. We have a baby together and are getting married next year. I've been missing my mum a lot throughout this - she would be a wonderful grandmother.

One of my mum's friends, 'Lauren', recently got in touch. She had heard about my upcoming wedding. She claimed that whilst unwell in the months leading up to her death, my mum had told Lauren that she should take me wedding dress shopping on her behalf if I ever got married one day.

Lauren said she was excited to do this. She also expressed looking forward to helping with my wedding decorations, flowers etc.

There's one problem: I can't STAND Lauren. I have always found her overbearing and rude to the point of dreading gatherings where she will be present (she and her husband remain in my dad's friendship group so attend parties that he hosts). Lauren has made unpleasant remarks about my weight.

She was recently bossy and critical of my parenting when I ran into her at my dad's Christmas party ('How come you're supplementing and not fully breastfeeding?' 'Why are you going to put your daughter in nursery when a childminder would be better?' etc).

There have been many other examples. I have always responded to such comments in a polite manner and not engaged further, but I don't like it. (I tend to become a doormat when upset out of fear of losing my temper - my fault for enabling rudeness to me, I realise!)

Even if I liked Lauren more, I still wouldn't want her involved with my wedding. Dress-shopping feels like a very personal thing to me and I had planned to do it with my future SIL, who I like and trust. In fact, I don't want Lauren at my wedding at all.

She was far from my mum's closest friend and I had planned to only invite my mum's childhood best friend and a couple of others who my dad is close to in order to keep him company.

My wedding is going to be smallish and simple. I'm a shy person and already dreading the attention - the thought of someone there who I know will be judgemental of me makes it feel so much worse. Lauren and I have never been close and she has never even contacted me before today so I'm amazed she thinks she would be involved in any way.

I want to Tell Lauren, politely, that I won't be dress-shopping with her and have other arrangements in hand for the decorations and flowers and Not invite Lauren to my wedding.

My dad, whilst supportive of me overall, thinks it would be too harsh of me not to find at least some way to include her. He pointed out that Lauren suffered a bereavement in her own family recently so is in a bad place.

He added that whilst we don't know for sure if she's telling the truth about my mum's 'wish' (mum didn't mention it to either of us), if it is true, it would be good to honour it. WIBTA for not inviting Lauren to my wedding or accepting any help from her with dress-shopping and flowers?

Let's see what readers thought.

coldstreamcall writes:

NTA. First of all my condolences on your loss. Your wedding, Your rules …. If your dad knows you don’t like Lauren that should be the end of it. I do find it a bit strange that her claims are news to you and your dad and it also makes me wonder if she’s up to something…..

Enjoy wedding shopping with your SIL and if Lauren is upset over not being invited that’s HER issue….Why would you invite someone who makes horrible remarks and puts you on edge? Hope you have an amazing wedding!

youthasi523 writes:

Just don’t invite Lauren to go dress shopping with you. Make any appointments or plans with the dress stores without telling her, and if she asks when you will be going, tell her “you will let her know”. And then … just don’t.

And don’t send her an invite to your wedding. She may have been a friend of your mama- but she isn’t your friend. You don’t want to, (and realistically can’t even!), invite every rando your mama knew on a social level. This is your wedding, you get to make the guest list! NTA.

elderorens writes:

NTA. At all. I'm sorry for your loss. Neither you nor your dad owe Lauren the time of day. Nor do you need explanations or excuses. Go ahead and plan your wedding as you wish. If she contacts you again just gray rock and give non-answers.

If Lauren doesn't take the hint, gets pushy with the "your mom's last wish" bs tell her the truth. "Mom never mentioned involving you to me or Dad. She never even asked me to invite you."

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for this bride?

Sources: Reddit
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