Bridesmaid freaks when bride says 'get your mole removed for wedding, I'll pay.' AITA?
When this woman is concerned about an upcoming wedding, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA if I didn't get a mole removed for my friend's wedding?"
Hi everyone, I'm writing to you all because I've been going back and forth on this issue, and I feel conflicted. My (24F) friend "Zoe" (25F) is getting married and I am set to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which is early next year. I am excited for the wedding and am doing everything I can to help her out with planning and setting up.
Recently, Zoe asked me out for coffee, away from the other bridesmaids, as she said that she wanted to talk to me about something privately. I agreed and asked her if something was wrong. She said it was nothing huge and she just wanted to talk to me.
I met up with Zoe the other day, like she asked. It was there that she told me that she wanted me to get the mole on my face removed before the wedding. I have a mole on my right cheek, kind of near my nose. It's not huge, but it's definitely noticeable.
Zoe explained that she wanted everyone to look good in the wedding photos as well as on the wedding day (understandable), and that the mole on my face would be a distraction, and that I wouldn't look good in the photos.
She said that she would pay for the surgery out of pocket, as she could afford it, and all I would have to do is go in and get it removed. I told her that I needed time to think about it. She said she understood, but let me know that it would be mandatory for me to have the procedure in order to be a bridesmaid. I said that I would get back to her.
I'm really conflicted on this because I have had times where I've been insecure about my mole, and Zoe wasn't lying when she said that it distracts from my face. So, if she was asking me to remove it, it may be better in the long run, AND she's paying for it.
However, I don't really know if I want such a procedure done to my face, which is why I'm thinking about not going through with it. But Zoe is my friend, and more importantly, she's the bride and I want her to have the best day, which is why I think I may be the asshole if I didn't go through with it. Would I be wrong if I didn't get the mole on my face removed?
Let's see what readers thought.
popo00 writes:
NTA. Imagine a bride saying "hey Stacy, I know we're besties, but I don't want you in the bridal party because you're a big uggo and you'll ruin the photos." That's psychotic.
Your friend would be an asshole if they simply asked you to lose 5lbs for the wedding. We're talking actual surgery. Is it even that noticeable? Like size of a quarter or larger?
Having said that, if it's something you feel insecure about and you'd like to get surgery, your friend is still an asshole, but you can get some free surgery out of it. And if you're insecure that might help you feel better about yourself in the future, I guess?
liestricks writes:
omg NTA. She's asking you to have plastic surgery because she thinks you are to ugly for a weddding pic. That is insanely rude and over entitled, the fact that she is a bride is completely irrelevant. I mean what was the alternative?
A bag over your head? Rather then wory about a mold she should worry if the camera can hide that gaping hole where a human soul should be.
If you want to get it done regardless you might as well let her pay anyway. Then tell her to take her bridesmaids and entire wedding and shove them where the sun don't shine. Because asking some to do that is completely out of line.
Its not something a friend would ever ask another friend to do. Please have some self respect, no one deserves to be treated like that especially not by a "friend."
differentleague87 writes:
I empathize reading this. I actually have not just moles, but warts on my face, 2 of them. It’s hard to look at myself and not be distracted and think they’re obviously noticeable to everyone else.
I wish they didn’t exist. But if someone asked me to get them removed in order to be accepted by them, I’d feel shame and hurt and never want to be around them again, thinking what they see when they look at my face.
Obviously Zoe is doing that to you. Well, I obviously can’t actually say what you feel, but Zoe is telling you what she sees when she looks at you and what she really thinks of you, and that it apparently boils down to your looks.
Get it removed or don’t go. Others here are saying that if you are self-conscious and want it gone anyway, this is a chance to get it done for free. But reasons matter. Intent matters.
Why you’re doing it, the situation, who you’re doing it for. Don’t do it because someone you have trusted and really cared about it says you need to for your looks to be okay, in the form of an ultimatum.
You are beautiful not just in spite of, but probably because of, your whole face very much including the mole. Don’t let her do this to you. And very very much NTA.