'He wants to call off my divorce because my cancer treatment was successful.' + 3.5 YEAR UPDATE
"He wants to call off my divorce because my cancer treatment was successful."
When I was diagnosed with testicular cancer he filed for divorce because he said it would be "too much" to take care of me. In my province you have to live separately and apart for one year before a divorce is granted.
Since he left I've had surgery and chemotherapy and my latest checkup shows no evidence of disease. When he found that out (I don't know how) he applied in court to withdraw the divorce application.
He told me we can stay married since I'm no longer sick and was actually shocked when I blocked the divorce withdrawal petition through my own lawyer. I don't want to be married to him after what he did.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Generally best to remove all of the cancer.
Well done. You found his true nature, he can't undo that.
This happens surprisingly often. When a family member of mine was battling cancer, they encountered dozens of people whose spouses, both newly married (like under 5 years) and long-term (up to 25 years iirc), left them after the diagnosis.
I to this day cannot understand the mentality behind it aside from just evil selfishness. The one person you were supposed to be able to depend on above all others abandoned you when they thought it would be difficult.
That's exactly when they should've been their strongest for you. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and it breaks my heart every time I see somebody else go through it. Stay strong, and know you'll be better off without a person like that attached to you.
Good for you, time to focus on yourself and your journey back to better health. I wish you the very best of luck!
Damn, the majority of this last year must have been horrid, I cannot even imagine. I am so sorry. Valuing yourself is the best investment a person can make; amazing job! I (and I'm sure many here) wish you the absolute best out there! Sincerely, well done all around.
I am going to guess from this the divorce wasn’t the case of we divorce on paper so medical bills don’t screw our family over. As such what an ass move. Dump them no empathy.
My province covered everything. My only bill was for the TV to be hooked up in my hospital room after surgery. All my medical stuff was covered by MSI.
Something similar happened to my moms friend. He left to another state when she got diagnosed. She was suppose to die, she ended up living. Dude legit comes back and wants to act like a family again.
He was amazed that all his children were mad at him and hated his guts. I remember he blamed my dad a bit, because unlike him my dad stuck with my mom through 3 different cancer and he said that my dad gave his wife “too much hope” that he’d stay.
Men leave sick partners at a WAAAAAY higher rate than women do, sadly for those of us who love and marry them it's just a gamble we take. I'm really proud of you for standing tall and keeping the trash out.
Honestly I can't imagine having the audacity to think I'd waltz back into the marital home after ditching you to handle an awful illness and treatment alone for months. He's a real piece of work. Congrats on beating cancer 💜
Congrats on beating cancer! Wow what a AH! He showed you who he was when he left you when you got sick. So glad you see that and are moving on.
It seemed like that was going to be the short conclusion of this story. But then, three and a half years later, the OP returned with an update.
My divorce was made official yesterday. It's over. Four and a half years of hell and being in limbo and now it is over. Last night was probably the best sleep I've had in years. Maybe only second to the day I was told there was no evidence of disease. I feel like shouting from the rooftops because I'm free!
(I was diagnosed with testicular cancer on August 30, 2021. Seven days later my (ex)husband told me he was leaving me because it would be too much to take care of me and he didn't sign up to be a nurse.
When I had my first appointment with the oncologist a few days after my diagnosis I was given a warning about men leaving their spouses when there's an illness. But I never thought it would happen to me. Every person in my support group who was married to a man had it happen to them too. It was eye opening.
I spent almost a year going through treatment. I had surgery, I had chemotherapy and it almost killed me but In August of 2022 I was told there was no evidence of disease.
I don't know how he found out but when he did he wanted to call off the divorce because I had gotten better. He was absolutely shocked when I moved forward with the divorce and did everything he could to drag it out.
I'm so glad the court finally saw through his games and now the divorce was made official. Four years and six months after he left. I haven't seen or spoken to him in years and I don't plan to ever again. Still no evidence of disease.
I got a great new job with the provincial government. I'm planning a vacation for my 40th birthday.
Most importantly I'm free!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Congratulations on beating effin C! And losing that baggage of an ex! I guess he missed the part of your vows in sickness & in health! Enjoy every minute of your bday celebration, you have the world at your feet! So happy for you!! 🎉
Seriously, congratulations! Beating cancer and dropping that dead weight is a double win. He walked out when things got hard and then wanted back when the storm passed... glad you kept the door firmly shut. Enjoy that birthday trip and your new chapter, you've absolutely earned it. 🎉
It never occurred to me that the “men leave their spouse during cancer treatment” statistic stayed consistent regardless of sexuality.
It breaks my heart when people leave their spouses over a life-threatening disease. What do they think "in sickness and in health" even means??
Hell yeah, good for you! As a caregiver to my husband, we literally sign up to be nurses when we say our vows, in sickness & in health. Good riddance to someone who wasn’t willing to honor those vows. You deserve so much better. I’m so glad you finally get to feel free & that you’re still NED! Congratulations, happy birthday & enjoy your life!
Sad but true I have heard it stated many times that a lot of men dip out on their partners when they get sick. To the point that they've created pamphlets alerting women to the potential of their partners leaving once they've been diagnosed.
That's why I think it's so hilarious when some men try to clown women that choose to remain single and don't want to ever get married, saying you will die alone. As if being married is any guarantee that a dude will stick around. Fickle AF.