Cancer doctor refuses to take mother's friend with cancer on vacation. AITA?
When this doctor doesn't want to spend time with his sick mother's friend, they ask Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting to take my mother's friend with cancer on a trip with us?"
So I am a doctor (oncologist) in my 30s. My mother's best friend (55F) got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer few months ago and I set her up with my colleague who specializes in pancreatic cancer and got her every possible care/advantage (early PET appointment, CTs, MRs, etc.) I was able to pull.
Now every time I go visit my mother and she is there (which is quite often), she basically grabs me and wants to speak about her diagnosis, about her chemo, if there is something else I could do for her like irradiation or surgery and what do I think about it.
Sometimes, it takes hours. When she was freshly diagnosed, I was there for her to talk, but it s starting to be a little too much. This weekend was my father's 60th birthday and she was there. She sat next to me and kept talking and asking questions for about an hour.
I excused myself and went to talk to somebody else but she kept following me and asking more questions even though I told her I don't have answers for her and I cannot give my opinion since I am not her doctor. It continued until I left, and I must say it really spoiled the party for me a little.
Well, for my mother's birthday I got a trip to Paris for her and me for 2 weeks and when I told her, she asked if we could take her friend with us. I told her that if she wants to take her friend with her, I will withdraw myself because I don't really wanna go with her friend.
She can easily go because she has chemo every two weeks, so we would just have to go around her schedule. But I want to enjoy it with my mum and I am afraid I won't be able to be with her friend there.
I offered to give my spot to her friend and that they could go together, but I knew my mum would refuse since she does not speak English nor French and is afraid of traveling without me. She told me that as a doctor, I should be able to understand and give her nice, possibly last vacation, and we had an argument afterward. So AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
flamingcrio writes:
NTA, because you are not her doctor and you shouldn't be expected to work off the clock as her personal physician. You set a clear boundary when saying you can't give your opinion and she ignored it.
gadgetgirl writes:
NTA you want a vacation and she cannot respect your boundaries. I am sure your mother has witnessed her behavior and how she will not back off and leave you alone.
Of course you would want to avoid contact with this woman and absolutely would not want to go on vacation with her. I think your mother was out of line for wanting her to go on the vacation given her friends behavior.
dueaction311 writes:
NTA. You went out of your way to be of assistance to your mother's friend as much as you were able. However, she is not your patient and therefore not your responsibility medically.
She has overstepped and is making demands of your time when she should be talking to her doctor. Also, you are NOT responsible for her "last possible vacation"....eye roll. Your mother seems like just as much of a problem as her friend.