Last weekend my partner and I, (40F) and (40M), went to the grocery store together. He was buying groceries for himself (we don't live together) but told me I could pick out a snack for myself. I picked the new birthday flavored Oreo cookies and he picked out the original Oreo's for himself.
When we got back home I opened mine and had 3, I shared a few with him too before I went to bed. In the morning I noticed he ate 3 rows of mine while I was sleeping and didn't touch his box. I forgot to bring what was left of mine home with me as we don't live together and I asked him to please not eat the last row. He told me he wouldn't.
Now as per the title, my partner and I booked a trip to Tokyo for next year. I am always the one who does the planning and the booking, not because I want to, but because my partner is just not a planner.
I have been endlessly reading online about places to go while we are there and figuring everything out with the JR Rail passes and Universal Studies and there is a lot to know if you've never booked that stuff before.
I called him last night to tell him some things I figured out, but he was too busy gaming and not listening. For me to try and figure everything out by myself can be a little stressful/frustrating so that weighs on me a little.
Fast forward to this morning, I told him I tried a new cookie my mom gave me last night but that they weren't as good as the ones we got last weekend, and I hope he didn't eat any more of the birthday Oreos I left at his place. He said he did eat one.
I asked him why as he already ate 90% of them and has his own box he can open. He told me he wasn't arguing with me about a cookie and that I can go buy more and that he doesn't feel bad at all about eating one of mine. I ended up just hanging up the phone and bursting into tears.
Now I know it's just a cookie and this whole post is something a toddler would probably only get upset over, but it's the principal that matters to me. I feel like I have been doing everything with this trip and then have a boyfriend who doesn't care to help and is also being selfish.
I ended up sending him a text telling him how upset I was and that if he wants certain things done on the trip, he can figure it out for himself. I guess I just want to know AITA over this cookie situation?
Who is paying for the trip? Who paid for the cookies? Why leave them there if it’s such a big deal? You seem like the problem here. You are in your 40s and just have a boyfriend? Could it be that you aren’t mentally very healthy and it has impacted your relationships?
I get the impression that you like to hyper fixate on certain issues without being at all logical or rational and considering all the details. You sound like a nightmare.
NTA This isn’t about the cookies. He doesn’t respect you.
NTA. You allude to it at the end there: the cookies are the straw that broke the camel’s back, but it’s what it represents. In this post, you highlighted how things are not equitable in trip-planning, he isn’t attentive when you’re talking to him, and he is unapologetic when you confront him about his behaviour.
Look, if you approach him and say “you’re the worst because of this cookie”, then YTA because that isn’t the true problem. But show him this trend: the selfish behaviour that seems to suggest he doesn’t care about your feelings, or the health of the relationship.
This isn't about the cookie. This is about being overwhelmed doing all of the planning for the Tokyo trip with no help from your partner. Planning excursion trips, navigating train times, mapping out things to do in each area you visit, etc take a lot of time and preparation. NTA to feel overwhelmed.
We recently went to London and Ireland for 10 days. It was a blast, but it took a lot of time for the 2 of list to make our wish lists, coordinate when it make sense to do stuff, getting tickets (and planning a train/bus ride) to Harry Potter world and The Globe Theater, set aside free time to explore and relax, and so on. I can't imagine dumping all of that on my partner.
"this whole post is something a toddler would probably only get upset over"
Nailed it. Why can't you buy more cookies? This is incredibly petty.
NTA. This is not about the trip, and also not about the cookies. It's about a general pattern in this relationship where you feel unheard and uncared for. It seems like this has been going on for a long time.
There are some talks in order between you and your boyfriend. And if he doesn't take you seriously then, maybe it's time for you to end this relationship and find one where you are treated with respect and courtesy. From what I read hear, it looks to me like he is taking you for granted.