Couple gets in petty fight over food; refuse to each each other's cooking. Updated!
AITA for wanting hot food?
Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like 'what, what's the problem?'
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad.
I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.
At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today).
I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.
Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?
Here's what people had to say about the original post:
Spare-Article-396 writes:
Why didn’t you make soup to go with your chicken salad? Why make a face? Making a face at something is pretty fking rude. YTA. You’re not an ah because you didn’t want to eat it. You’re ta because of the way you handled it.
babsibu writes:
She‘s not the one nerfing your relationship, dude… she deserves better. Just move out and break up already.
ItsTooColdForThat OP responded:
Not because a random person on the internet told me to.
BluesGuppy writes:
Is anyone here telling you anything different? You’re 23, on the Internet asking relationship questions, and you still think it’s everyone else who’s wrong about this?
ItsTooColdForThat OP responded:
I never asked a question about my relationship. I'm just sharing my story.
RepresentativeWar429 writes:
So this is the hill your willing to die on? Just leave her then, because this passive aggressively petty as all hell.
ItsTooColdForThat OP responded:
I'm not on a hill. I'm not bringing this up to her. The second she lets it go, it will be over. If she doesn't let it go, we will be over, so it will still be over.
KhaleesiMounter writes:
ESH. Just break up already.
ItsTooColdForThat OP responded:
I'm not going to rush into anything. If she gets over it, I'll let it die, if she keeps escalating, I'll leave.
booksmeller1124 writes:
You’re trying to “win” the breakup by making her the bad guy. Just break up with her, and move on. You obviously give zero effs about her or her feelings, which you’ve communicated here multiple times.
ItsTooColdForThat OP responded:
I'm not going to break up with my girlfriend because a stranger on the internet told me to.
Update from OP 3 days later: No longer cooking for my girlfriend.
Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.
She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.
She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship.
I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out.
She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.
She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.
Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.
Here's what people had to say about the update:
This is stupid man. Just put your ego aside and hash it out. It’s not worth deteriorating a relationship over.
3.9k
level 2
Both are immature. Just end the relationship and go there anyway.
It's clear as day that the girlfriend is upset and trying to get a reaction out of OP. He is stoic about it and that infuriates her even more. I see only one person acting like a child here.
The GF does not want to discuss anything here, she wants to make a point by her passive-aggressive moves. And she becomes angry when OP does not cave in.
Good for you, OP. I wonder if you want to live with a person with such a terrible problem-solving approach. You are NTA, she is an AH.