Woman plans for dad's birthday and first chemo session, husband comes along for haircut.
"AITB for leaving my boyfriend behind because he wasn't being supportive enough in my decision to see my dad on his birthday/first chemotherapy session?"
(The original poster deleted their account but the post can be found at the bottom of this article.)
My dad was recently diagnosed with Stage 2 Pancreatic Cancer and suspected Stage 4 Lung Cancer (they're still running tests). This has caused my life to spiral downward as my entire focus has shifted to my dad. He is 83 years old, and I know that time with him is short.
His first chemotherapy session is on Tuesday, which is also his birthday. So, I plan to drive down to NYC, surprise him, and accompany him to what will be a very rough day. My boyfriend wants to come with me, citing an opportunity to get his hair done (and be there for me emotionally but he didn't say this. It was eluded because it doesn't have to be said to know that's what he means. Eyeroll.)
This is all very last minute, as the doctors are electing to move quickly. I get paid weekly and my boyfriend gets paid bi-weekly. He already spent all his money, so I will have to pay for the entire trip myself. Staying with family is not an option so hotels alone were going to be over $400 and a car rental would have been at least another $200.
I felt horrible, but called my best friend (lets call him Tom) to see if it'd be possible to stay on his sofa for two nights. Of course, he was amazing and decided to give me the apartment while he slept over at his gf's place instead. She lives closer to his job anyway and it'd save me the money. Excited, I called my boyfriend to tell him the news...and he got mad at me.
He said that this kind of decision should've been discussed with him first because if he has a problem with it, then Tom would know it was because he turned it down. I was immediately annoyed because I am the only one paying for the trip and he knew how tight my budget was.
The only other option was to spend my entire paycheck on the trip and have nothing to sustain myself until my next paycheck. I was also annoyed because in my opinion, you'd think he'd be happy for me and extend his thanks to Tom.
We got into an argument about this and he said "you make decisions without thinking of me. You don't come to me first to discuss things, you just do and that makes me feel like you don't respect me". I told him to cancel his hair appointment because I don't want him there with me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Teaformepls
He has money for his hair appointment but not to contribute to the cost of the trip? That seems selfish! NTB.
useless_gaymer
Absolutely not the buttface in this instance, your boyfriend's focus should be on helping and supporting you, not on accomodations for a trip that is voluntary for him?? Just, NTB.
mfruitfly
So your father is having a serious health crisis, you are willing to pay for everything, he helps with no planning but has the money to get a haircut? He also has the ability to plan ahead for a haircut, but not the ability to help you plan.
No girl, no. He knew about the trip, he knew you were planning it, the only thing he didn't know was that Tom offered you a free couch, which as soon as he did you called your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is making a very serious occasion in to a free vacation for himself, and the reason he is mad is because he wants to stay in a hotel, not at someone's place. He doesn't give a sh*t about being there to support you, he is showing you how selfish he is.
Go be with your Dad, stay with Tom, and focus on your dad and your family, put your boyfriend on mute and be present.
puppydog0613
This is how it started with my ex. Trust me when I tell you it WILL get worse. Kick your bf to the curb and go enjoy your dad. Oh, NTB. At all.
RefrigeratorLazy4135
Why would he even be annoyed if he was going with you anyway? Even so, he is your friend who is staying at his gfs, I mean, what does he even have to be annoyed about?? It makes no sense, and then the hair appointment, he has no money. Are you paying for that? you're paying for the whole trip, too? Has he offered to go half's on the car rental? Or the travel or food money? This guy seems a bit selfish to me.