My parents have a bit of an unusual marriage. My mom is an engineer (petroleum) and my dad is a stay at home dad. He didn’t want to be–he wanted to be a writer, but he never made any money from that, so he had to stay at home to raise us because my mom was working all the time.
He is unhappy staying at home because he feels less of a man, but he can’t contribute any other way. My mom is resentful of my dad never contributing financially and they now hate each other. They consider divorce a sin but if they didn’t they would have divorced long ago.
My gf is a software engineer and very smart and I hate to say it but kind of reminds me of my mom. Very independent and straightforward but not the nurturing type. She admits she was unsure if she would be a good mom until she got a dog and said he opened up motherly instincts she didn’t know she had.
My parents live 8h away so she and I went to visit them for the first time recently for the holidays. I told her about their unfortunate life circumstances but told her not to mention it to them that she knows because my dad is embarrassed by it.
At dinner my dad asked my gf is she knew how to cook and clean and if she knew how to take care of me. She said she did but she expected me to do equal work in the household. He told her he didn’t want his son marrying a “strong woman” (different meaning in Mandarin) because they are not good at taking care of their husbands and only know how to make money.
I agree it was insulting but she took it too far but shooting back that at least she can make money and contribute financially to the household and not need her partner to be the breadwinner while hating them for it. My dad was stunned into silence and then dinner got really awkward.
I got mad at her when we were alone and she got mad at me saying I didn’t defend her and she wasn’t going to meekly let him bash her. She said I failed to protect her against my dad and she was going to tell it like she sees it.
I reminded her she wasn’t suppose to say she knew my parents situation that I told her in private and made her promise to keep quiet and she snarled back that it was payback for me not defending her. Of course now she is mad my dad hates her, and that I didn’t even try to make him get to know her.
Here's how people judged OP:
YTA - I'm sorry your dad is miserable but his life circumstances are his own fault. He picked a career he wasn't any good at and instead of figuring out a new plan he let himself get stuck in a role he resents.
Instead of accepting this as his own fault, he is pushing your girlfriend into sexist role and she is having none of it. Good for her. You sounds as cowardly as your father.
Lots of creatives have to take regular jobs to live. He has no excuse. He could've tried to pick up part time work to help the household. Instead he decided to be bitter. I agree 100%, it's on him.
“Unfortunate life circumstances” = mother having a career and a resentful father? YTA big time.
YTA - Why is it ok for your dad to insult her, but not ok for her to defend herself?
YTA. How would you have preferred she react? Just sit there and take that shit?
Why didn't you interject and stand up for her? Why did you let your father demean her like that? You couldn't have said 'I have my own income and as an adult can take care of myself?' I'm stunned that you're even asking if you're TA!