BF 'demands' to know author GF's erotica pen name; 'she clearly doesn't trust me.'

It sucks when your partner keeps secrets from you, but how much are we entitled to know about our significant others?

When a man felt jilted over his girlfriend's refusal to be completely honest with him, he came to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for demanding my girlfriend tells me her author’s pen name?'

u/Ok_West_9375 writes:

I’ve (m32) been dating Siobhan (f32) for 6 months now. She’s always been very vague about what she does for a living (things like writing and working from home writing) but recently, one of her friends mentioned something and I finally dragged it out of her.

She’s an author, she writes and self published romance and erotica stories and novels and while not rich, she’s able to make a living out of it. I googled her name and couldn’t find anything so I confronted her about this.

She said she’s writing under a pen name so I demanded she gives it to me so I know what she does. She refuses, saying she doesn’t want it to be leaked even by accident and no one knows.

I accused her of not trusting me and she still refused which was really annoying. I tried a nicer approach and told her that I want to know her fantasies so I can try it out with her and she told me that what she writes aren’t her fantasies but her readers' and she’s still not going to tell me.

At night I tried to check her laptop for her pen name but she changed her password before bed. I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn’t trust me and it’s not fair because I have a right to know what she writes especially since it’s a sensitive topic, and I don’t know her if I don’t know her pen name.

She was furious I tried to look on her laptop and told me to go home. Before leaving I told her when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. She called me an a-hole on my way out.

I thought she’d call by now but she hasn’t. My sister told me I was the asshole and I should apologize but I just don’t see it and need. Second opinion. Was I the a-hole?

What do you think? Does OP have a right to know, or is he absolutely out of order?

Here's how Reddit ruled: a unanimous YTA (you're the a-hole)

BowzersMom says:

YTA all erotica authors use pen names for, frankly, obvious reasons. Lots of people are a little embarrassed about their erotica, what they read OR write; not only for the naughtiness but a lot of the themes and tropes are really bizarre. Clearly, she’s not comfortable sharing this with you yet, and pressuring her only makes it worse. What she writes has nothing to do with you and is not a threat to you. Chill out.

thirdtryisthecharm agrees:

YTA. 'I have a right to know what she writes.' Based on what? You WANT to know what she writes - don't confuse that with having any sort of RIGHT to the information.

CrystalQueen3000 comments:

YTA. Well you’re just a walking red flag OP, demanding, controlling and feel like it’s your right to snoop. That’s just grim. Enjoy being single.

Steelguitarlane goes in:

YTA with bells on. She wants to write erotica from the safety of anonymity. You don't get to remove that. You're a double a-hole for expecting an apology. If she were here, half the sub (more like 95%) would be urging her to dump your controlling ass.

And there you have it!

Looks like an open and shut case of an AH OP. Remember folks, your smut is your own business.