Divorced man gets blamed for ex-wife's homelessness. AITA?
"AITA for making my ex 'homeless'?"
A while back my wife and I got divorced (pretty amicably). Instead of selling our family home and splitting the money, I suggested that I take a loan using the house as collateral, and buy myself another place. That way she could continue to live there and our kids would inherit it eventually.
She was reluctant but eventually I convinced her. She's always been like that, her reluctance to take any chances has held me back many times. Anyway this was a good plan, and it worked for a while.
Eventually, however, I ran into money trouble. Everything was more expensive than I thought, the fixer-upper I bought needed a lot of renovation and I got deeper in debt. I kept paying the bank, just not every month, sometimes less than the full amount due for the month etc.
Eventually the bank foreclosed and the house was sold to repay the debt. It was a shock to everyone. The bank had sent some threatening letters but as I was still paying I didn't think they'd go that far.
Anyway, my ex moved in with our youngest son, she is doing fine and is not in any way homeless. But she keeps complaining about losing the house and my kids have gone LC with me. They all go out of their way to help their mom, while I only get scraps every now and then, even though I also needed help sometimes since then.
I know I made a mistake but it's not like I planned it like this. I lost a lot too, and even though I have the house that I bought back then, it's nothing fancy, and it's expensive to maintain. Besides, my ex got to live alone in the house for a couple of years rent free.
Last time we met I told my kids they should show more gratitude for my part in raising them, and they should think that they have 2 parents, not just one. They're all doing pretty well financially. They said I'm an AH for demanding anything of them after what I did to their mom.
They say I should give her some money every month to compensate for some of the loss. While I do earn more than her, I have expenses too. And it's not like she needs it, really, she's living rent-free and our son is pretty well-off, so he won't be kicking her out.
I admit that my plan didn't work out, and it caused her some loss, but am I really such an AH for expecting my kids to help me too, like they help my ex? AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
erica1064 writes:
And it doesn't just happen. It takes months of willful ignoring the calls, the letters, the threats, the legal notices. YTA OP. Your great idea to refinance your ex wife's house to buy some run down money pit that you managed poorly put your ex where she is.
Exactly what do your children have to be grateful to you for? How do you THINK your children would react when your stupidity got her kicked out of her home...AFTER ONLY A FEW YEARS?
Good for your kids for supporting mom - and they are right. You created this mess for her, you should give her something. Housing market is good...sell that pos house, repay your ex and get an apartment. Show your kids that you know how to do the right thing.
cml09 writes:
OP is totally cut from the same cloth as these guys who come on here and say, “AITA? I make 500K, and my wife makes 30K. I insisted on living in a million dollar home and splitting expenses 50/50. I’m about to retire next year, while my wife will have to work until she’s 85 to afford the lifestyle that I forced on her.
Sucks to be her! Meanwhile, I’ll be vacationing on a Greek island while she works.” There are such selfish assholes out there. YTA.
mishi66 writes:
YTA. If you were having money trouble and weren't paying the loan every month you should have sold your home! Instead you let them foreclose on the house your ex was living in. It should have been the home you bought that was sold not the family home.
How selfish can you be to now have the audacity to complain that your kids have gone LC and that you expect them to be helping you after you caused their mother to be made homeless because of your irresponsible decisions! YTA bigtime!