Doctor asks if she's wrong for refusing to check on boyfriend's mom in the hospital.
'AITA for telling my boyfriend I'd rather be alone and suffer in my apartment then go with him to visit his mom?'
So i (23 m) hate my bfs (24m) family with a passion. I cant stand them, they are the most condescending, judgmental Ahs i have ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It all started when i first met them. They talked about my looks and how i could improve it by losing weight, cutting my hair and stop eating like a pig. Im 188cm tall and 80 kg. i go to the gym a lot and i would consider my self fit. They have sh*t on my job because they think im not good enough to be a doctor and i work to much.
'His mother is the one that says all of this and the rest agree with her.'
It has gotten to the point where im dreading every birthday, Christmas or any other celebration because i have to see them again. My bf have told them to stop but they always say that im to sensitive and need to relax. last time a meet them they told my bf that he should dump me and find a man that's better for him. i was sitting next to him when it happed.
So his mom got into an accident and had to go to the hospital I'm working at and my boyfriend told me to help her and make sure she gets the best care. I told my coworkers and they assured me that i cant be on her case and that I wouldn't need to be near her at all.
My bf and his family begged me that i should visit her and make sure she is okay on my break and i refused. I said i rather be be alone in my apartment and suffer then to visit his mom with him or with out him. I cant fkn stand that woman.
'He and his family has been messaging me nonstop telling me am a bad doctor for not wanting to help a patient. But the thing is she's not my patient so AITA?'
Clarification:
In Sweden it’s 5 years of med school, then you become a intern I think it’s called in the us. After you are done with that you can specialize in whatever field you like. I’m working in a surgical hospital. And I started my studies half a year before I turned 17.
Update:
We have had countless conversations about this and he agrees with me and have told them off. I have also said that if our relationship is gonna work he needs to accept that I won’t ever be near his family. Now that he has been calling and texting non stop to visit his mother (just me) after all the things she said I told him what we have talked about before.
That being said I am a doctor and I do have obligations but my obligations are not to her. I can’t be a doctor to someone I have personal connections to. My coworker’s have told me she has been badmouthing me to them so there is no way in hell that I’m visiting that woman
Update 2:
His mom was fine, she was not in any danger at all. My colleagues told me how much sh*t she talked about me and how much better he could do then some wannabe doctor.
I was fuming, she and her family had been begging me to visit her and she was still talking sh*t about me. So I went to her room demanding to know what her problem was. Well she didn’t like me because I’m in her words “to masculine” to be with her son and he needs to find someone that’s not lol.
I told my bf and he was “mad” at first but kinda agreed with her and told me it wouldn’t hurt me to try being less masc. All I said was that if he’s trying to make me change who I am then there is no reason to be with me anymore.
He told me that that’s not what he wanted and that he loves me. So I told him if he wants me then he needs to go lc with her and I’m going to go full Nc. He told me that it’s not fair and I was being unreasonable.
Comments:
As a fellow doctor, I have to say, you know that this is bullsh*t! She's being cared for properly, No one is refusing her treatment! She's not looking for treatment from you, just for pampering. And she does not deserve it! The whole family sound toxic and entitled, and your BF is acting just like them! You should really consider cutting your losses and leaving
(Ps: are you sure he ever talked to them about stopping, or is this just what he told you? Has he ever defended you from them in front of you?)
If your bf doesn't protect you from his family's abuse then it's pretty much over. Seems like he is a momma's boy to me.
NTA
But why are you still with him? It doesn’t look like he is willing to cut off from his family. This is going to be a lifelong issue and I don’t think it’s worth your mental health.