'I don't trust my BF's relationship with his female BFF. I think they're hiding something.' UPDATED

"My (F25) boyfriend (M28) has a really clingy best friend (F24) Do I give him an ultimatum or not? I don’t trust their friendship."

So this is really long story but basically I don’t trust my boyfriend and his best (female) friend’s relationship and I think they’ve either slept together before or dated. So we’ve been dating for about 6 months now and I’m really head over heels in love with this guy. He’s amazing really good looking and our intimacy is the best I’ve ever had.

I really don’t want to lose him if I’m just being paranoid but he’s my first ever proper relationship and I don’t know I’m missing red flags. After 2 months of dating I noticed that she face times him a lot (I’m talking at least 3 times a day) and they always seem to make goofy faces at eachother and act super close and silly way different to how he is with me.

They’ve been friends for 5 or 6 years and they met through someone else. She is the only person on his phone with an emoji next to her name (it’s a crown and then a heart) and told me that the reason why that is, is because her nickname by everyone is princess so it’s always been that way since they met.

I didn’t really care until one day we were in a shop together and I asked if they ever dated before and he casually told me that they were going to date before but she hooked up with one of his friends so they never did, and she regretted it and actually had feelings for him but he didn’t feel the same way so they just continued being friends.

That made me worried especially because they text and face time all the time and she calls him even if it’s 3am just to chat or if she needs help with something and he always drops everything to speak to her. They have a secret SOS code with each-other which means that they have to drop everything to help each-other out even if we are on face time he will tell me she has an SOS and will call me back after.

Today he was on face time with her and she asked where he was and he said he was ‘out with a friend’ and then later another friend called him (a guy) and he told him he was with me his gf. I asked him why he told her he was with a friend but the other guy he specifically said gf.

He told me to drop it and that I was being paranoid and didn’t remember. Then he admitted he hadn’t really told her much about me although she knows me roughly cause he didn’t want to tell all of his friends unless we are 100% serious. So he only has told a few friends. However he has another female friend who he told about me and he’s really close to her so I think he’s lying.

I was playing with his phone (he was on mine) and as a joke we were going through each others pictures (he didn’t mind he allowed it and it was just a joke) and we were laying on bed. When I found a video she sent him of her hooking up with a guy. I asked him why she would send him that if they are just friends and he said it was years ago with an ex of hers and she sent it to him as a joke.

That was super weird. Anyway I ignored it but still felt like something was off. So I went back on his phone later when he wasn’t looking. I know 100% this was wrong but felt like he was lying. And I found messages from him to her saying that they have to tone down their FaceTimes to a friendship level because his aunt is coming over for the weekend.

Even though it was me he was seeing over the weekend so he lied to her about me being here. I couldn’t confront him as I didn’t want him to know I went through his phone. Then he invited me out to spend the day with his friends (one guy and a girl) and I asked if his female best friend would be coming and he said no cause she’s sick.

I also thought he was lying and hiding something. I feel like they have dated before or she has feelings for him. And I don’t trust them two together. Especially as he does photography as a side job and has taken pictures of her and his other friend in lingerie for his portfolio at his house (he showed me all the pics he has a separate insta for it.)

I told him I don’t trust her because of the video and the fact he’s seen her in lingerie cause of his side job. So he finally agreed to tell her about me on the phone in front of me and told her to reassure me that they are just friends.

Instead she was super rude to me and told me that whatever friendship she and him have is none of my business and that I should just trust whatever he says or break up with him. He didn’t even back me up or anything or tell her off. He hung up and we didn’t speak about it and I left cause I was so upset.

I just feel super insecure and worried and he always tells me I’m being paranoid and that if he wanted to date her they would already. But now I feel super betrayed and like he didn’t even stand up for me and I went home and cried and haven’t spoken to him since. Should I give him an ultimatum to stop being friends with her or should I am I just being a paranoid crazy girlfriend?

OP later shared this first update:

he texted me all day begging me to come over so he can explain. I came all the way to his house crying my eyes out asking him to tell me the truth about his female friend and I admitted that I saw the text between them both about me being an aunt. Then he said I must have been confused and said that he never sent her that. I went back on his phone and he deleted it.

Then I cried and asked him why he allowed his friend to talk to me like that and he said that when I left he called her back and told her that the way she spoke to me was unacceptable and even deleted the emojis next to her name to try and prove it. I cried and said it wasn’t good enough and that he needs to get her to apologise on the phone cause I didn’t believe him.

He was reluctant and finally he called her and when she answered he was being super weird and didn’t even want to say I was in the room. Then she asked why he was calling and why he was acting weird and she was like “oh are you with your aunt?” So then I got fed up and shouted and asked him why she would ask that unless he did send her the text.

Then he got flustered and was like oh I don’t know what your talking about there’s no aunt. And then his friend was like oh I know it’s that girl your with again, and I asked her outright to apologise and she refused saying she had nothing to be sorry for. Then he feebly tried to ask her to apologise saying where I was coming from (clearly just to please me not really meaning it and she could tell).

Then he said that he can’t force her to apologise and he can see both sides. Then he tried to say it was my fault and I shouldn’t have been snooping through his phone and that I shouldn’t have shouted at his friend as his gf even though SHE was rude to me first.

Literally I can’t take his manipulation and lies, I started crying again and his female friend then turned on ME calling ME a red flag for going through his phone and being obsessed and weird and saying me and him haven’t been going out that long to get involved in hers and his friendship.

Then I shouted we were together for 6 months and she didn’t know. Either way she didn’t care and said that I am not good for him. He didn’t even interrupt her or explain or anything. I had enough and stormed out I cried the whole way home and I have blocked him. He has called me about 30 times.

My best friend thinks he may have been trying to use me for a passport (he’s from another country) and thinks that the girl may have been in on it. I am so heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. I honestly thought he was the one but I am very naive and easily led on. I should have known better :(

She later shared this second update:

I should probably make a whole new post but anyway. He has a separate phone which he has been calling me on ALL day. I ignored all of them. Then a different number called me and it was his other female friend and basically she was trying to vouch for him and explain that he’s a really good guy. Then when I told her everything she was shocked cause she didn’t know.

Then she admitted even more stuff that I didn’t know before. That they all got drunk and kissed before at a club her him and the other girl and that once they played truth or dare and the other female best friend was dared to kiss his penis as a joke both was years ago. That creeped me out so much.

Then she was like apart from this stuff nothing else that she knows off has happened and that even though that stuff happened they still are only just friends. She admitted that the other girl did have feelings for him and probably still does but he doesn’t feel the same way and told me that she did try to tell them that their weird friendship would stop any of them from being in a relationship with others.

Anyway I told her to forget it I don’t need his friends begging doing his dirty work for him and that I don’t need this kinda drama in my life. Then she was like “oh but you shouldn’t have been rude to her and him that shows disrespect as his gf I’m just being honest. And you should be careful as he’s a good guy he’s just not good at explaining himself."

I’m mentally a bit slow I have autism and my English isn’t that great. People always make fun of me or take advantage of me and my good nature and I can get wrapped up in stuff like getting excited with dating and I forget that it’s not even that real (I can’t explain but if you know what I mean.) they are still trying to make it seem like it’s my fault and I’m the crazy rude one and shouldn’t have gone on his phone.

Plus it’s too crazy him getting other people to call me. Begging for me back. Now I’m 100% sure he’s trying to use me otherwise he wouldn’t be trying so hard to still be with me, anyway I blocked that other girl and told her to leave me alone too and for people to stop the calls to me.