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'My husband’s ex GF is dying. Her last wish is to be with my husband.' UPDATE 2X

'My husband’s ex GF is dying. Her last wish is to be with my husband.' UPDATE 2X


My husband’s ex gf is dying. Her last wish is to be with my husband.


First of all, I apologize if this is badly written. English is not my first language, so please be kind. As the title goes, my[30F] husband’s ex girlfriend[33F] was recently diagnosed with late stage breast cancer and her last wish is to be with my husband[35M].

My husband, let’s call him Seb, and his ex Tanya became best friends after their break up a couple of years ago due to her infidelity. They were together for 5 years. Needless to say, they remained in contact even before he met me. I would be lying if I say it never made me feel uncomfortable even once.

It did and it still does because Tanya is still in love with my husband. She never denied it and in fact would even call or message me when she can’t get a hold of Seb. Aside from cancer, she also has some mental health issues, thus my husband would always tell me to be kind and patient. Seb is no longer in love with her of course. She cheated and Seb swore that he will never get back to her and that he only see her as family.

Two weeks ago, my husband received a call from Tanya to tell him about the sad news. My husband cried with her and told her everything is going to be okay. They were on the phone the whole day. (I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that Seb and I moved to Australia a few months ago because of my job and Tanya is in Canada).

They mostly talk via long distance call or whatsapp. They’ve been in contact almost everyday since we left. Which always bothers me but what can I do?

After that call, my husband told me everything. To be honest, I felt bad for her and I genuinely feel sad. I ask him what’s going to happen now. Seb told me he’s going back to Canada. Which is a shock. He then told me that her last wish is to be with him.

I didn’t say anything except “what about me?”. He said if I can’t leave my job, then he’s going to “visit” me whenever he gets the chance. I walked out without saying anything.

I’ve been avoiding my husband since the phone call and have been ignoring him whenever he tries to bring up the conversation. Yesterday, I found out he already bought a ticket and is flying back home in January.

I feel like he’s abandoning me but at the same time I feel that I’m selfish for hating both of them. I’m honestly thinking of getting a divorce because obviously he’s choosing her over me but at the same time, I thought of why my husband is so attached to her.

Seb considered Tanya and her family like his own as he doesn’t have one. She’s probably like a sister to him now. But Tanya doesn’t fell the same. She’s madly in love my husband and him granting her wish will surely make her think they still have a chance.

My entire life I’ve been putting others first… I’ve been very patient and understanding about their weird relationship. I feel sick, confused. I want to call her, yell at her for ruining my marriage, for trying to steal my husband from me. For using her sickness to get what she wants. For being a b. I’m so mad at both of them. What did I do to deserve this?

Here's how the comments section played out on the original post.


Is he working? How will he pay for the visits?

How kind of him to say he will visit his wife when he gets a chance.


First, her request is manipulative, inappropriate and unreasonable.

Second, info needed: by be with her, what does that mean? Like just be there to hold her hand or to be sexual or what?

Third, I would straight up tell your husband that if he chooses her that your marriage is likely over. Especially, if her request includes sexual interaction.


I’m sorry that happens to you. Tbh, he’s shown you who his priority is now. I understand that Tanya is dying, but deciding that he will leave and come visit you, his wife, while taking care of his cheating ex girlfriend in a difficult country?

That’s too much for me. Not to mention he bought the plane tickets without discussing it with you. Sure you’ve ignored him but his decision to go back without talking it out with you is the cause of this problem.

Who in their right mind would ask a married men to care for her just because she’s dying? I noticed that you said Tanya is his only family, but you’re his family too.


You know what's especially gross. Your husband was carrying on with his ex all these years knowing that ex was in love with him. He valued her love for him. They were having an emotional affair. That is why it was so easy for him to abandon OP. His feelings for his ex were always there. Now, that emotional affair is about to become physical. Disgusting to all ends.

OP, you need to be strong and not a doormat. If they want each other that bad, then step aside and don't let them trample your heart. Leave on your terms and don't let them be the ones to dictate your heartbreak.

OP posted a quick update in the comments.

Thank you all for your comments and messages. I didn’t expect my post to get this much attention. All I wanted is to get this off my chest so I can focus on work and other things. I’ve been a mess and being in another country with no one, only my husband, is making my situation worse.

While some people think that Tanya might be lying about her condition, unfortunately, she’s not. She was originally diagnosed a couple of years ago and has been on a treatment for it. Only recently she found out it progress and is now refusing further treatment. Sorry I wasn’t too clear about this...

My husband said, she’s giving up. In fact, she wanted to give up a long time ago but her family, including my husband, wanted her to fight. He’s going back to Canada to be her support as per her request.

Seb did suggest that I go back home with him. But my job here in Australia is a dream come true for me and I can’t just abandon it, especially not for her.

I know that divorce is the wise decision here. My husband obviously can’t let go of her and we can’t build a life together if he has a baggage. I love my husband so much to the point that I endure all of these through the years. Thinking of divorce makes me feel like I’m dying and I don’t know if I will ever be ready of letting him go..

I haven’t talk to my husband yet but I think he already knows what’s going to happen. I apologize for everyone who’s asking for an update. As many have guessed, I am not a good communicator which is why the situation got this bad. I am partially to blame for letting this happen to me, to us.

I already contact a lawyer to know the next step. Again, thank you everyone for you comments and messages. It made me feel better. I feel horrible for wanting to stop a dying person’s wish and for being mad with someone who’s helpless but you all are right. I should also think of myself.

Over a year later, OP came back with something of a conclusion.

First of all, I apologize for those people who’ve been messaging me in the past year asking for an update. I was a mess after what happened and couldn’t talk about it even to my family.

I was reminded of this post because someone messaged me on this Reddit account today. It’s been over a year and a lot has happened, I think I’m now ready to talk.

Seb did end up flying back to Canada in January last year. Before he flew, we talked about the situation and I told him I’ve been in contact with a divorce lawyer. He was surprised. He said he didn’t expect me to leave him just because he needs to be with his ‘family’.

I remember at the time all I felt was anger. I was so mad that he’s making it sound like I’m the bad person. Nevertheless, the conversation didn’t end well. He left without any closure but he said he will be back in March.

I was left alone. January to March last year was the darkest days of my life. I knew I did nothing wrong but i ended up blaming myself for everything. I hate to admit but I cancelled the meeting with my lawyer as I started to doubt if I really want to leave him or not. I love him so much to the point that I’m willing to accept him again when he’s back.

During the entire time he was gone, he rarely called to check on me. I had to call him most of the time (I know, I’m dumb). I feel so alone and sad. I begged for his attention, to give me some of his time, to be with me again. All those time he kept telling me that Tanya needs him more.

March I was expecting him to come back so we can talk. But he didn’t come back. He said he needs to stay more and promised me he will be back in May. I don’t know what happened to me when I got that call from him early March to tell me he won’t be flying back to Australia.

At the time, I felt like there’s a switch that suddenly turned off because somehow, I stopped caring. When he told me he won’t be back until May, I knew I have to move forward without him.

Fast forward to May, he was back. That day, we sat down to talk. He broke down and said “I can’t lose you too”. When he said that, I thought Tanya was gone. But no, she’s not and as far as I know, she’s still alive to this day. I asked what happened and he told me that Tanya asked him to go back and be with me.

He said that Tanya is sorry for everything. Seb didn’t want to leave her especially when he saw how bad she was doing. They had a fight and according to him, Tanya wants him out of her life.

If I was the same dumb person, I would totally accept him back but at that time, all I can think was “he’s only back because Tanya doesn’t want him anymore”. I let him cry. I comforted him and let him stay in my apartment. A week after, I told him I’m divorcing him.

At first he refused to leave. It was a long and painful process but on my birthday in July, he finally realized that he couldn’t manipulate me anymore. By August, he was back in Canada.

Divorce is not finalized yet but we have been separated since he left. He tried to contact me several times last year. Tanya also tried to contact me. Everyone including my family tried to convince me to give him second chance. But that day in March when I finally came back to my senses, I knew nothing can make me change my mind.

As of now, I’m doing fine alone by myself. I got promoted last year and moved to a bigger apartment near the beach. I found new friends and recently getting into Pilates. I’ve travelled Australia and New Zealand and met some amazing people.

I feel like a completely different person. Last year was the major turning point of my life. Seb still bothers me from time to time but he knows I couldn’t care less anymore. Sometimes I talk to him. I still care but not as much. I’ve been told by our common friends that he’s not doing well.

He became alcoholic and couldn’t get a good job because of it. He’s mostly couchsurfing because Tanya doesn’t want him to live with her. Lol. That b()*$.

Thank you so much Reddit for taking the time reading this and my post last year. Your advices means a lot to me.

For those people who are in the same situation as me, please know that everything is going to be better. I thought I can’t get through this. There are times I thought of taking my own life. It was hard. But I promise you, it will be better. You’d be surprise how strong you are and how amazing life can be.

The reactions to OP's story were unusually intense.


What a wild read. I’m sorry that it took Tanya rejecting your ex to realize that he’s losing you too. I remember reading your story and getting so mad for you. You deserve someone who prioritizes you and doesn’t leave you hanging for months.

I’m glad you’re doing okay now, you are so, so strong. From a sincere Reddit stranger, I’m proud of you and how well you handled the situation. I’m wishing the best for you OP, congrats on the new life.


Great update, you did the right thing. He left for MONTHS


I remember you!!! Thanks for the update. The absolute audacity of only coming back and begging you to stay because Tanya didn’t want him. Keep thriving!


I always thought she lied about the severity of her condition.

I’m so glad you found your worth.


((HUGS)) I am curious if Tanya was ever really dying.

I am glad you are moving forward and living your best life!


Omg I remember your first post.

That man threw everything away for his ex/friend that cheated on him, idiot! Onward & upward ✨


You sound better off without him and they just ruined their own lives. You don’t have to wait around for their bs anymore.

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