'AITA For not giving my ex’s new fiancée my engagement ring?' UPDATED
"AITA For not giving my ex’s new fiancée my engagement ring?"
ThrowAwayVintageRing
So I (24F) was with Kin (28M) for 5 years on and off. We met when I was in 2nd grade and he was in 6th grade. We both had the biggest crush for a long time. We finally got together when I was 19 and he was 23. He is my older brother's best friend. They still are best friends. We have a 2-year-old son together. So, that's the basic backstory.
We broke up due to him moving to a different states few months ago. Now, he moved back because his grandmother is not doing well. But, we didn’t get back together. He, however, reconnected with his first girlfriend from high school. Let’s call her Molly (32F) who also used to date his older cousin. Lol.
For some reason, Molly never liked me even though I never had any bad feelings towards her. I don’t really know her, but she is good with our son. However, she's not good with me. I treat her with kindness when she’s around and I usually leave her alone. She just gives me these glares and say a lot of really passive aggressive stuff to me. But I don’t let it get to me.
Kin's family really adores me and I love them so much back. When I was with Kin, he proposed to me with his grandmothers ring, which I still have. His grandmother also gave me her silver jewelry with turquoise on them and some vintage western jewelry. All of this had been in their family for years. She also gave me a very special ring and bracelet that I wear everyday.
The ring is a matching ring which Kin has as well. It belonged to his step grandfather and his grandmother. When Molly learned of this, she demanded I give her all the silver jewelry and the engagement ring. Especially the matching rings. She thinks they belong to her now. Because she’s gonna be in their family now and I’m gonna be second fiddled.
She had said that the only reason I’m around is because we have a child. Of course I told her no, and said, “This jewelry means so much to me and it was given to me.” And “Kin’s family is a second family to me.”
That seemed to make her more angry and it got to the point that I had to block her. Yet, she still continues to harass me about it. I told Kin about it and he said he would take care of it. But, it still is happening. His grandmother is literally like a second grandmother to me.
I lost my grandmother from my father's side when I was 14 and it was really hard on me. Until I met Kin’s grandmother. We talk a lot and see each other from time to time. It has gotten to the point where I see her as my grandmother. I hold them how much I cherish her and our connection, especially now that she’s not doing so well. So, AITA for not giving it to her??
Within a few hours, the OP posted again with a full update:
ThrowAwayVintageRing
Howdy all again! I did posted on another subreddit! But here is the update to it! So, I was suppose to have a serious, important chat with Kin about his crazy fiancée Molly. We were going to meet at a spot that we both agreed upon. When I got there, I saw that Kin had brought Molly. I should have just walked away. But I didn’t. I tried to be the bigger person.
So, I approached them both. Molly didn’t look at me until we started talking about her behavior towards me, especially around our son. She started saying I was lying and just causing trouble for them. She really bashed me in front of Kin.
For some reason, Kin didn’t say anything and let her verbally abuse me so much. I had to walk away. But, not before she admitted to destroying the art I made for Kin, the gifts I got him and all of our pictures together. I couldn’t take it, so I yelled at her and called her colorful names. Which I know I shouldn’t have done.
But after everything, seeing Kin just let her do those things RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. He was so unfazed by her tantrum towards me. I just told him I’m going for full custody, so I can make sure that crazy banshee isn't anywhere near me or my son. I couldn’t look at Kin the same after that. I had to call my best friend Leah and my older brother Alex.
After I left, I told them what happened. My brother Alex seriously drilled into Kin when he called him. My friend Leah comforted me and made sure I was okay. She told me she will help me with anything and that she’s my biggest supporter. Also what is weird is Molly liked my brother for some odd reason.
But my brother never liked her. Especially after seeing how she was treating me. Leah did message Kin that he was an a$$ hat and that she will kick Molly’s butt if she ever goes near me or my son again.
Kin did try to get a hold of me. But I blocked him on everything. If he wants to message me or talk to me, he can go through my friend Leah or my brother. So now here I am gonna fill for full custody and make sure he has supervised visitation. I will try to make that happened.
I tried to be the bigger person, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have someone who is that unhinged around me and my son. Especially when it was someone who I loved more than life itself. I can’t do it anymore with him. This was about way more than the whole engagement ring and silver jewelry.
It’s like she tried to erase me and wanted to be my little boy's new mother?? And his own father just watched and looked like he wanted the same. I’m gonna make sure to keep my jewelry and my son all safe and I have my friends and family for help. But honestly thank you all. I hope for the best for all you beautiful people. :-)
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update:
eightmarshmallows
You should definitely investigate those parenting apps that monitor communication.
Internahuykm
100% this
Own_Presentation6561
Keep record of everything Op while it is fresh, get cameras for your house just for your protection you tried to play nice she is a nut job and he is a p$#sy for just sitting there like a spare pr%$k.
Protect your son and yourself he won't if he let her turn up like that and maybe see if you can get CCTV copy from where you met if they have it, no harm in asking. Take care and good luck thanks for the update.
CatmoCatmo
NTA. All this comes down to is what his grandmother wants. They were hers to give away, and hers to request back. She specifically said she wants you to keep them, even after knowing you and Kin broken up.
I mean, if you look at it like an inheritance, she made the decision to pass them to YOU. End of story. Grandma’s wishes should be respected. Technically these weren’t even Kin’s to give away. So take him out of it. Since Kin should be removed, by extension Molly should also be removed.
Her behavior about the whole thing is ridiculous. It’s all because of her own insecurities. In her mind, that jewelry has an imaginary significance that she gave it. And now she’s demanding everyone to cater to it. The extremes she’s willing to go to erase you from his life is not going to stop at your child.
She will always see him as an extension of you, and will carry contempt and resentment towards him and he’s the one thing she can’t erase from Kin’s prior life with you. It is not healthy for your child. He will suffer for her insecurities. Him being around her is not something to take lightly.
Sucks that also means your child’s won’t have an active role in his life - but that’s a choice that Kin has to make a priority. Your priority is the safety and mental well being of your so. Ball is in Kin’s court now. Keep your kid safe.
The OP responded here:
ThrowAwayVintageRing
You are very right about that. She’s obviously delirious, Kin grandmother gave them to me when we were together. And I did love Kin so much, I was of course sad about the break up. I’ve known his family for such a long time. Kim’s grandmother even loves my older brother. It’s just kinda crazy.
His siblings don’t care for the jewelry and Kin doesn’t care for it. Kin’s siblings are on my side. I just don’t want to tell their grandmother. Because she is very sick and not doing so well. So I don’t want to stress her out.
So Kin’s older brother did tell me if I ever need anything, just to ask him and his older cousin said the same. So I have a lot of people to support me on this. They all don’t like Molly, nor does any of Kin’s friends.
They did say she was never like this when they were younger. But ever since she heard about me, she’s just gone delusional. So I am doing my best about this whole situation. Especially after Kin’s action, I honestly don’t look at him the same no more.
Also, everyone saying I should give the engagement ring back. I forgot to add that Kin’s grandmother wants me to keep it and Kin doesn’t care for it. He wants me to keep it. So does rest of Kin’s family, his two older sisters don’t want or his older brother. It’s just Molly who’s making it a problem.