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Fiancée's family accuse groom of giving 'fake' ring; 'you don't respect her.' + Update and pics

Fiancée's family accuse groom of giving 'fake' ring; 'you don't respect her.' + Update and pics

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"My (M28) engagement with my partner (F27) is ruined because of a ring"

pygyms67

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We both love each other since the very beginning. She has brought up the topic of marriage for a while, and so I decided to I proposed to her last month in Korea where she grew up.

I custom made the gold ring, with a ruby and 3 diamonds on each side, but asked my parents to make it with their regular jewelry shop they've been going to for a while, out of town.

I also organized a professional photographer, then asked her to marry me in a traditional Korean village. She said yes and everything went very smoothly, except that the ring was too big. She stayed a bit longer in Korea while I returned home for work.

She went with her mom to a jewelry shop the following week, and asked the ring to be made smaller. The issue started when the shop attendant said the whole ring was fake; the gold, ruby, and the diamonds.

I paid $1500 for the ring, not a crazy amount, but i thought it was a pretty ring. She went to 4 different shops and everyone said pretty much the same thing. One shop valued the ring at only $30-40. My partner and her mom were understanding at first, saying that we would not have known.

When she came back from Korea, she told me that her parents were very upset about the ring and that my parents (because they 'made' the ring) only valued her $30. They refused to meet my parents which was initially organized for the end of the year.

Her mom said to her that it would be better if I admitted about the fake ring, with a view of buying a proper one in the future. These implied that we gave her a fake ring on purpose. My parents were very upset and told me that they wont bless our marriage.

Question: Is the ring really the problem here? Im not sure how to move forward now. I never knew a ring can potentially break our 3 year long relationship.

edit : None of us knew it was 'fake'. A few days ago, I tested it with an Xray at a pawn shop, the gold is real.

Not sure about the ruby and diamonds. I have apologized multiple times and showed them the receipt. We are both Asians, families play a big role in our marriage. If anyone is curious how the ring looks like. The Ring

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:

uninspiredusername9s

Your first stop should be to tear down the door of your parents jeweler. If they really didn't know then I'd go right to the jeweler. Your parents should have their jewelry checked too.

uninspiredusername9s

1.5k is nothing to sniff at either.

PopYoBox

Either your parents are very cheap when it comes to money, or your jeweler is a scammer and a thief.

Neither option is great...

Quiet_Restaurant8363

OP the ring is beautiful, but I would be insulted if my parents parents bought a fake ring and knew it was fake. I think your parents may not like your partner and they set you up.

BigBlueHood

So instead of apologizing, compensating you and tearing down the shop your parents are now pretending to be the victims and bashing your future marriage? Looks like your partner is right, they did it on purpose. Her parents are not the problem here, yours are. Find out what really happened and where the money went.

Six days later, the OP returned with an update.

"*Update* My (M28) engagement with my partner (F27) is ruined because of a ring."

pygyms67

The ruby is a genuine natural ruby. My fiancé's parents are upset and accused my parents of intentionally giving a 'fake' engagement ring. We tested it in the lab, and it's a natural ruby from Burma.

They can guarantee the result, and can offer an insurance letter. (The letter) They said there is a natural crack in the ruby and natural inclusion(?). Probably a jewelry expert can shed some light into what these mean.

Unfortunately, because the ring is now 'genuine', my parents are more upset about the accusation. On the other hand, my fiancé's parents don't really trust the result. This is a major trust issue.

We decided to let things settle before we discuss our intention of staying together and get married.

Question: Any suggestion on how to approach this situation?

The OP then updated in the comments:

pygyms67

3 weeks ago we decided to take a month's break. I know taking a break is pretty much a break up, but I said yes. I asked her today if she has spoken to her parents about the ring and about us in general.

To this date, she hasn't. I have been fighting very often with my parents to defend her. My parents also got more upset when they learned she hasn’t spoken to her parents at all. I asked her why, and she said at this stage she is very happy being alone, because she does not have to worry about our relationship.

And so, I ended it. I feel like i have been fighting this battle on my own.

I have had a few relationships and break ups in the past, but this time, it really crushes me.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

SparkAxolotl

So glad OP checked first with laboratories before going scorching earth with that jewelry. Looks like he got a good deal after all, for 1500 bucks he managed to dodge a nuclear warhead.

Stallynixa

Yes he gave he jewelry store the benefit of the doubt more than his fiancé did him…

HilMickaelson

Thank you for your update. You've handled the situation well, but if your fiancée still doesn't trust you even after you've shown her proof, it might be worth considering ending the relationship. It's possible that she's being influenced by her parents or trying to use the situation to break up with you by painting you as the bad guy.

You need to sit down with her and have a serious conversation. Clearly explain to her that you won't buy her a new ring, and if she can't trust you after you've provided proof that the ring is genuine, then you see no point in continuing the relationship.

She and her family should have apologized to you and she should have defended you to her family. If she's not able to admit her mistakes, she may not be a good partner for you in the future. Your relationship with your future in-laws seems damaged beyond repair, and they might have concocted this story to convince your fiancée to break up with you.

The OP responded here:

pygyms67

Thanks. This hits hard because of how true it is. im a bit disappointed that she doesn't have trust in me. we've been together for 3 years and live together for 2.

SparkAxolotl

After reading some of the other comments... I'm like 80/20 on the ex knowing they were lying and either didn't really care about OP to begin with, or cared more about her parents opinions than about her relationship with OP. High chances she's gonna stay single.

Lina0042

I remember the OP clarifying that while they're both Asian, he's not Korean. I'm vaguely aware that some different Asian ethnicities have an extreme level of contempt for each other. Combined with valuing families and traditions more than we do in the west, the parents behaviour only makes sense to me if OP is the "wrong" kind of Asian.

I assume him and his finance probably didn't care too much, growing up in the west and everything, and that the parents stepped in at this point because marriage was a step too far for them. But I agree, the ex reads like she was aware of the real reasons and opted to align with her parents instead of going against their wishes.

TheBlueNinja0

Did the parents actually take it to four stores, or did they just pick a number so they could drive a wedge in the relationship?

Tom_Gibson

wow the fiancee just rolled over and showed her belly. So afraid to stand up to her parents she'd rather end a 3 year relationship.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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