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Man withholds child support and alimony when he finds out ex wife is dating women.

Man withholds child support and alimony when he finds out ex wife is dating women.


"Ex-Husband is threatening to withhold alimony and child support because I'm dating (WA and PA)"


My husband (44M) and I (32F) got divorced awhile ago. I have full custody, he's not even allowed visitation due to anger issues. I made sure to do everything legally when I moved across the country with our two boys. He paid the ordered alimony and child support on time for years without issues and I gave him updates on their lives to be kind.

He recently found out that I've started dating a woman. This is the first serious relationship I've had since our divorce. The boys have met her once when we took them to the movies. It went well and they really like her! They are still young, only 6 and have no memory of their father. They also have no relationship or contact with him due to...again...anger issues.

Getting the divorce and custody was a nightmare. He dragged it out as long as he could and fought over every little thing. He filed numerous CPS reports against me, all of which have been proven false. He's threatening to file another report for my "Immoral, hedonistic and unholy lifestyle which will drive the children into satanism".

I've decided to cut contact completely and no longer give him updates but I do rely on the alimony and child support. I'm almost through getting my degree-he made me drop out of college and that money goes right to bills and essentials.

Once I get my degree, I'll get a nice raise and be able to go full time but I need another year. I can't afford another long legal battle and I'm still paying my parents back the money I borrowed for the last one.

I have an appointment in a few weeks with a free/low cost family lawyer. Does anyone have any idea what this might look like and if a Washington State judge can order a Pennsylvania resident to pay alimony if he disagrees?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


The moment your husband fails to honor the court order, you call the court and ask about the process to report it. Yes, ideally you will retain an attorney to help you file, particularly if the court is far away, but you can at the very least get the ball rolling by calling the court that issued the original alimony/child support decree and talk to them about it.

The OP responded here:


I'm just very worried because filing again will provoke him and make him feel vindictive and like he needs to win against me. I'm really hoping there's a way to settle this outside of a court order because I don't want to deal with his anger and his need to win.


If there is a court order for support / alimony and he stops paying, he is in violation of the court order which is typically grounds for contempt. The court that issued the Order (Pennsylvania? You didn't specify) usually has to enforce the order, which means some type of petition / motion for Contempt will need to be filed in the issuing Court.

If your support is collected on your behalf by a child support agency, then they may act on your behalf in asking the court to enforce the order. You can usually find a lot of good information about the court process by googling the Court that issued the order - many courts have self help guides and forms for pro se parties (people appearing without an attorney).


Hi there, I'm a licensed attorney in Michigan. Usual disclaimer: I can't give you legal advice, so this post is just for informational purposes. What I don't understand is that it seems he pays you directly? Why? There's an Income Withholding Order (IWO) that can be sent directly to his employer.

They are then required by federal law to withhold the amount of support from his paycheck, and send it directly to the child support bureau in your jurisdiction, which then gets directly deposited into your bank account-- all before he ever even sees his paycheck.

So why would you be relying on him to pay it to you? If you don't have an IWO, you need to get one. Do some Google-Fu and find out if your child support bureau has fill-in-the-blank forms for you to file your own motion to get this $ taken directly out of his paycheck. Of course you can hire a lawyer, but it honestly shouldn't be necessary.


As a child support paying woman that lives in Missouri, that's also a trucker that has had these types of conversations across multiple people from multiple states.... Even though I'm NAL...

The state is the one that gave him he court ordered alimony and child support... Not you. The state gives you the money that they get from him. So it's the states responsiblility to make sure he paya the amount that they ordered him to give.

Go to your appointment with the attorney, get some legal advice there, and with their okay, call the court that handed out the CS and alimony order, and inform them. Make sure you save everything and let him rant and rave. He can't do s**t about it. Ignore his outbursts. Google grey rocking. You can do this.


These are two separate issues in my opinion. This isn’t legal advice in any way. This is just general knowledge based info. CPS: he can try & file whatever he wants. What you’re doing is not actionable by CPS, i.e., your behavior is perfectly normal & would not in anyway be considered objectionable by CPS.

If he’s reported things before they may already know about him. Anyway CPS is not a threat to you as you & kids are just fine. Support/alimony can only be addressed by the court. Existing orders are in place I assume so he would need to bring a court action to reopen the matter.

That requires good or adequate cause. There is none except perhaps in regards to alimony such as when his obligation ends if there is some question of fact. If he stops paying he’s violating a court order. However unless you receive government benefits nothing will happen to him unless YOU do something. People are all the time trying to collect court ordered payments from other people. That’s all this is.

That’s the time to make sure you have legal advice. You could decide not to pursue alimony. But the children are owed that child support so you do want legal advice here so that you can ensure your action or inaction would be considered “in the best interest of the children” in the legal sense.

So, if you could give the OP any advice, what would you say? Is there any way to help?

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