Man skips important anniversary twice so he can watch football. AITA?
"AITB for not planning our anniversary and crying over my husband's plans?"
Flat-Curve-3480
My (f37) and my husband's (m40) anniversary was two Sundays ago. It wasn’t a big number anniversary. A few months prior, my husband's childhood best friend Mike tells him that he's going to be back in state that weekend and bought him and Kevin tickets to see their football team on Sunday.
I'm not happy about this. Kevin says it's just one anniversary, we will have plenty more, but he never sees Mike while I get to see Kevin every day, so the football game is really important to them. He offered to do brunch before him and Mike go to tailgate, but I explained I was hoping to do dinner and "something nice" afterward. I didn't specify what "something nice" meant.
We agree to postpone our celebration to the following weekend, this past Saturday. We don't talk more about the plans for our anniversary, which I realize I may be wrong for not bringing up myself, but I kept putting it off.
This week, Kevin tells me an old friend from college (Robbie) and his wife are in town, and asks if it would be okay to get dinner with them on Saturday. I remind him that it’s our belated anniversary and he said he understood, but he never sees Robbie at all and the last time he was around was a decade ago.
So, we go to a local bar and grill Saturday night to meet up with Robbie and his wife and the place is PACKED! I'm not a sports person. I'm an extroverted introvert who prefers books and board games and seeing local bands in small venues. So, I didn’t realize his team was playing that night in a playoff game.
Him and Kevin order beers as soon as we get there and start watching the game from the table. I made some small talk with Robbie's wife and then excused myself to the bathroom to cry because I was so sad and uncomfortable. I ended up just drinking a glass of wine all night and couldn't even eat.
Afterward, we drove home in silence. When we got home, Kevin asks "You're p!ssed. What did I do now?" I explained that was NOT an anniversary dinner and said I felt he put his friends and doing what he wants ahead of me.
He said he didn't know when we agreed to postpone our anniversary dinner that his team would be possibly going to the World Series, that he hadn't seen his friend in a decade, and that going out with Robbie could have been a nice night if I hadn’t been selfish.
He said if there was something specific I wanted to do for our anniversary, nothing was stopping me from planning it, and that I was jealous of time he spends with his friends.
I told him he knows I'm not comfortable in loud, crowded places and since I'd already compromised on our actual anniversary weekend, it would have been nice for him to do something I liked.
I even said he didn't have to exclude Robbie--we could have had a nice dinner out and then come home and had a board game night for the four of us. Kevin asked why it's all about me when it's OUR anniversary and again told me it was childish and embarassing especially when I went to the bathroom and came back after obviously crying. So, AITB?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Poppycake1903
NTB, it's the equivalent of getting himself a gift for your birthday and then wondering why you aren't enjoying it. And I have a problem with the whole "what did I do now", It's a way of looking like a victim to avoid any sort of fallout for bad behavior.
An anniversary is supposed to celebrate your union, you know, your partnership. Perhaps a serious conversation about expectations is needed because it's hard to sustain a relationship that's ignored and dismissed.
milehighphillygirl
It’s like The Simpsons (Flintstones(Honeymooners))
He gave her the bowling ball.
IndependentEarth123
I had a great uncle who gave my great aunt an engine for his boat one anniversary, and their "event" was her helping him install it. The next year my great aunt gave him a gift certificate at the local mortuary for his funeral and solo burial plot.
That was an expensive gift from their joint account that took them quite a while to recover from financially, plus you know, the whole picking out his casket and planning his memorial service when he was in his late twenties scared him spitless.
He got her roses, a nice selection of books (her preference for all gifts) and cooked her romantic dinners every year after that. She went back to giving him thoughtful gifts. They had a pretty happy marriage but he confided to all the grandchildren and grandniblings to NEVER mess with a woman who contemplates putting you in the ground.
It's a legend in my family and my grandmother confirmed that it went down as stated and that my great aunt had to be talked down from the homicide ledge as she really did consider poisoning him. The women in the family helped her organize the funeral and burial plot instead. Don't mess with Southern women who grew up during the Depression.
milehighphillygirl
NTB. Kevin needs to get together with the girlfriend from yesterday’s post who keeps making plans without her boyfriend’s input, since that’s apparently what Kevin thinks is appropriate.
Yeah, you should have talked to him about the plans prior to the day of the belated anniversary. But I am 100% willing to bet he would have tried to get you to postpone your plans again to hang out with his friends and watch baseball.
I say this as an Eagles fan—no individual game, even the playoffs, is more important than my husband. Since the football game was on a Sunday and his friend came to visit for the game, I’m assuming it’s an NFL game and those tickets are expensive AF.
I can understand moving your anniversary celebration by a day for something like that IF it’s something he doesn’t do regularly with a friend he never sees. (Edit: did his friend even ASK if he was available that day or did he just gift Kevin the tickets?! And why couldn’t you two celebrate the day before the football game?)
But to basically bail on your anniversary TWICE for his friends (cause let’s be honest, that’s what he did) and the second time to WATCH IT ON TV?! Do you not have a TV package at home that can replay the game on demand?
He could just WAIT a day to watch it the next day or even after your had your nice night out together? I mean, does he have absolutely zero ability to delay gratification or say no to his friends?
deathboyuk
NTB. What a world class prick. ONCE was bad. TWICE??
Dude doesn't deserve another anniversary.