"Fiancé acted inappropriately at a party and I don’t know what to do."

Hi everyone. I (24F) went to a Halloween party with my fiancé (24M) at our mutual friend’s house. In attendance was our friend’s partner, my future SIL and her husband, another couple, and some of their work friends.

We were all having a really great evening. No one was too crazy and the vibe was fun and chill for most of the night. When my future SIL and I were ready to go, my fiancé decided he was going to stay because the men were going to play games. Fine.

We get back to SIL’s house where fiancé and I were going to stay the night and we continue to talk and hang out. A little while later she gets a phone call from our friend, the host, and he says that my fiancé needs to leave because he was acting inappropriately and had become belligerently drunk.

He proceeds to tell SIL that my fiancé was touching other women at the party inappropriately and kept repeating the phrases that “he thinks (my name) is still here” “he’s so hammered that he’s confused” and “he needs to leave”. At this point, all I see is red.

SIL is trying to keep me calm before she goes to retrieve my fiancé. When she brought him home, he was stumbling and saying incoherent gibberish. I removed myself from the room, and this morning I have returned back to our shared home. He is still at SIL’s house. SIL has broken the news to him of what exactly he did.

SIL is being a supportive angel, but I don’t know what to do. This situation is wrong on so very many levels. I feel like everything has come crashing down around me. We already have our wedding venue/date, my mom has just dropped a pretty penny on my dress, and I have no support system outside of my SIL right now. Any advice would be appreciated; thank you in advance.

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

Fogmoose said:

If indeed he didn't do anything more than grab other ladie's wastes genuinely believing they were you in his drunken stupor, this can be worked through and used as a lesson if OP is OK with that. Fiance needs to accept he cannot drink like that in the future. Period. And the therapy is a great idea. You guys are young. No lasting damage was done. Use this as a teaching moment.

Rich_Chemical_3532 said:

That sucks. Tough to give out advice with knowing so little of you two. Marriage is tough as it is. Don’t get married because money was already spent by other people. That’s the wrong reason for sure so don’t let that be a consideration.

Exportxxx said:

Why was he asking about you? If he gonna cheat.. Are you sure he wasn't drugged!? And wasn't looking for you? Why he continued talking about you. Should get blood test imo.

Liathan said:

Take as much time as you need to process this. If I found out that my fiancé or anyone close to me for that matter was touching women inappropriately that would seriously change my view point on them.

And Loud_Tomatillo_6667 said:

Why is everyone on this site so dramatic. He got super drunk, probably accidentally, stumbled around looking for OP and grabbed 2 women's waists. If he doesn't normally drink like that and plans to make sure it doesn't happen again in the future, it sounds pretty tame and innocent. By the title and some reactions I thought he was going around smacking a bunch of asses on purpose.

Here are some relevant comments from OP:

I agree that I am in a state of reaction! This is a jarring thing to have to react to lol. I removed myself from the situation because I felt it was best for me to process and learn more on my own before I said or did something on an angry whim (like ending the engagement by throwing my ring in his face or telling him I hate him etc. etc.).

I want to prevent walking away from the relationship—this is my partner, my best friend. I’m also not trying to ignore the implications of what I wrote, and I am aware how it changes the perspective of the situation. I genuinely just wanted advice on how to navigate this.

I’ve spoken with the host, and he genuinely believes my fiancé was drunk-drunk and confused. I do plan to have a conversation about drinking and setting boundaries with fiancé directly and when we start couples counseling. Thank you for your comment! It was very helpful for me!

This is the first time anything like this has happened. He has never behaved inappropriately toward me or others while under the influence, even on nights we’ve gotten more than tipsy. That’s partially why all of this is so shocking.

She later shared this edit to her post:

For clarification, the aforementioned touching was grabbing of the waist to two different women who both had partners in attendance. The host genuinely believes that fiancé was obliterated and confused (fiancé apparently did not remember SIL and I leaving).

Also, to answer one of the most repeated question in the comments, this is completely out of character for him as he has never acted like this before when alcohol is involved. Fiancé’s drinking habits are a couple of beers now and again, but we rarely drink to the point of drunkenness anymore. In the past when we have partied hard, he has never acted inappropriately to anyone else or myself.

I wasn’t monitoring his consumption because I didn’t really think that I had to.

Also mini-update:

I have taken the initiative to find a couples therapist for us both to at least navigate this incident. I have started looking for an individual therapist for myself, too.