In a post on Reddit a guy who was engaged had his worst fears come true. He asked for help, got lots of advice, and is now sharing his story...
My fiancé [F31] and I [M33] got engaged last year and have been in a relationship for 5 years. Everything has been great and I can honestly say that I’ve never met anyone who comes close to her, she’s absolutely been the love of my life. I’ve known her most of it, we grew up on the same street just round the corner from each other.
Her Mum and Dad still stay in the same house and I stay in the same house I grew up in which my Mum left to me when she passed away in 2014. We still don’t officially live together yet but for all intents and purposes, she lives here. Her and her parents are close though and she still has her bedroom there and will occasionally spend the night there but she’s never away from here.
So this morning I decided to go take a walk to the shops to buy some things and as I was about halfway down(15-minute walk)I realised I had forgotten something, so I had to walk back. When I walked in the door I heard her speaking to someone loudly on the phone in the living room and she said: “yeah but David will always be the love of my life”.
David is her ex-boyfriend, I don’t know a great deal about him but I know they were in a relationship for 2 years and it ended a year before we started dating. He also dumped her. I walked back out and just as I got to the shops I felt weird and I had to sit down as my mind was going in a thousand different directions.
I eventually got back home and immediately told her I feel sick and sent her back round to her parent's house as I didn’t want her about as I was Ill.
I’m now lying in my bed wondering what to do, to be honest. I know she didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not like she cheated on me or intentionally went out of her way to hurt me but what’s heard can’t be unheard. She said that the person she’s agreed to marry isn’t a patch on an ex she’s not been with for 6 years.
The fact she said he will always be the love of her life also means that it’s a void game, her heart’s already been taken and there’s nothing I could ever do to change that. Also, what would happen if he did come back into her life? You can’t turn down the love of your life when they come calling and I’d be dumped quicker than yesterday’s leftovers.
So how do I navigate this? Tell her I was earwigging and heard her say that sh*t? Just end the relationship for a completely vague reason like “oh it’s not you, it’s me” etc...Swallow my pride and pretend I didn’t hear it?
Everything has been great but there’s no way on this Earth I want to be someone’s second choice, especially when her ex is the one on her mind that she obviously would be with if she could. I’m thinking about just saying it’s not working between us.
She’s now texting me about coming round tonight and spoiling me cos I’m “the sickie”...F**k that.
I was gonna update sooner but I’ve spent the last 3 and a half days in a drunken stupor so my apologies but I’ll warn you, this is not a good update.
So after posting and receiving some advice on Reddit on Thursday I [decided to talk to her]. She comes round on Friday morning at about 8 am and I think she could see right away that something was wrong as I must’ve looked stony-faced and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Anyway I said to her that I wasn’t really sick and that yesterday as I was going to the shops I had to come back and when I got in to get it I heard her talking in the other room...about David. Her face went completely pale and she started welling up so I instinctively stopped talking and just stared at her.
She then runs into the toilet, locks the door and starts hysterically crying and alarm bells are going off all over the place in my head.
Her reaction made me think she didn’t know what I heard so she must’ve said some other sh*t about him as well. I chapped on the door and told her if she has any aspirations of saving this relationship she had better tell me everything right now.
30 minutes or so go by and she finally comes out dabbing her face with a tissue and tells me David got back in touch with her 4 or 5 months ago and she had been sleeping with him once or twice a week since. All I can think of is that the snippet of conversation I heard her having was her friend or something helping her choose between David and me.
When I heard this I hit the roof, I threw her out grabbed handfuls of her stuff, put it in bin bags and threw it out the door into the front garden, she’s still standing there btw. I then grabbed my garden hose and drenched the sh*t out of the bags with it(I’m not proud of that, it was extremely petty and in hindsight, I should never have done that).
She at this point has run round to her house and about a minute later her Dad comes rampaging round screaming. Her Dad and I end up rolling about the now quagmire-ish front garden fighting, at about 9 am in the morning no less. Police vans and everything ended up turning up and half the street was out because of the rammy.
Afterwards, I blocked her on everything and went to my friends' house where the 3 of us spent the weekend and Monday (they took off work, I’m on furlough) drinking. When I got back in the house this morning I noticed she had been back in the house at some point...made the beds, done the washing and ironed. I have no idea why she did this.
As I’m writing this she’s tried to get in again, I haven’t been able to change the locks yet so I put the door chains on the front and back door and from upstairs heard the door opening and the chains clanging as she tried to get in.
There’s also a note that she’s put through the door. I don’t even want to read it right now, I’m too hurt, hungry and hungover to even think about what she has to say.
Sorry for the belated update but I’m in a bad way right now, I’m half drunk as I write this so bear with me.
Since everything that has happened things have taken a turn for the worse...As many of you mentioned I should do, I sent an email to her father, explaining my side of the story and apologising for taking things public and embarrassing his daughter but as I said previously, I acted instinctively.
I didn’t apologise for fighting him as I was reacting to him coming at me. He told me to f**k off and accused me of biting his ear for some reason. So that’s what was stuck in my teeth. I'm joking of course...if you don’t laugh...
About a week ago I went outside to find my car key’d right down from the passenger side wing mirror round to the boot. Last Sunday I was walking down the road to meet a friend at the arches(a place where we occasionally hang out and walk from an arched bridge) and as I was turning the corner the local mouth(gossip) called me a disgrace.
I said how am I a disgrace and she told me that I’m a disgrace for beating up my ex-fiancé. Let’s be clear here, I’ve never laid a finger on her in my life. Either her, her father or someone else is perpetuating this lie and me throwing her sh*t out and hosing it has given this authenticity.
I haven’t spoken to my ex and she hasn’t tried to contact me anymore, I think they’re all on the same page now, that I’m the bad guy. I’ve got the ball rolling in putting my house up for sale, I can’t live here anymore. I wish I still had my Mum to lean on, she would make things better.
Sorry for the sh*t update
First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has reached out.
I am still in my house but I will be renting it out rather than selling it...I can’t in good conscience give up something that was my mum's and has been in the family for generations.
I have spoken to the father and I understand why the family circled the wagons but to throw me under the bus so brutally...was genuinely ridiculous...collateral damage to me and my name is alright apparently. Only known them my entire life.
All in all, I feel like I was in the midst of a sh*t shower that changed course...still struggling but feeling a lot better now that I’ve got an umbrella and a f**king roadmap.
Also would like to note that I posted on social media giving my side of the story. Whether that was right or not is up for debate but it was after I had let those close to me discreetly spread it first so I felt the time was right.
Her side is still singing off the same hymn sheet but hoping neutrals will see things from my side. My close pals have been incredible throughout all this, but that’s why they’re close pals I guess.
Well it’s been over a year and I have since moved out of my house and am now renting it to an older couple, so thought I would update you.
I’m doing great and have even got myself a girlfriend, wish me luck. What did I learn? Sh*t hit the fan fast but I stood strong, and for the first time in what seems like an age, I’m looking forward to the future. We only get one life right? F**k spending it with someone who would treat me like trash.