'WIBTA for breaking off my engagement because my fiancé is prioritizing his deceased ex?'
"WIBTA for breaking off my engagement after my fiancé [M 32] put me [F 28] and our daughter second to him grieving his first wife?"
JuneCrier
I met my fiancé Roger about 4 years ago, just before the pandemic. He had recently got divorced. According to him it was an amicable split due to irreconcilable differences and I never pried. His first wife Leah passed away 2 years ago and her death hit him as well as his family really hard.
I tried my best to comfort him but I never really knew her so I honestly did not know if it was what he needed. I pretty much let him grieve the way he need to and it's never really an issue between us.
Flash forward, we got engaged almost a year ago and I found out I was pregnant with our daughter shortly after that. We've talked about kids before and we both want them so it's just perfect. He was very attentive and caring throughout the entire pregnancy. Our problem arose however around the end of my third trimester.
Every year since she passed, around Leah's death anniversary, Roger would go on a camping trip with Leah's family and this year's trip was about a week before my due date. I told him I was not comfortable with him being away when I was so close to giving birth and he began talking about how important the trip was to Leah's family and his healing process.
He offered to call his mom and sister-in-law to stay with me and that he would no doubt be back before our baby was born so I should not be so 'unnecessarily stressed' about this. We had a huge argument about it and he ended up still leaving for the camping trip.
I went into labor the next day and despite me letting my fiancé know when the contractions started, when I Facetimed him hours later to ask him if he was near, I found him still at the camping site just now preparing to leave. According to him, first birth takes a very long time so he would still have plenty of time to make it. I was so mad.
After we went home, I told him I needed time to rethink our engagement. For now, we are still living in the same house but he's been sleeping in the living room. I've been looking at apartments to see if I can move out if it comes to it.
He deeply hurt me by leaving me to give birth on my own and I am not comfortable with married life if this continues to happen. Roger deserves to grieve for Leah but now that I have a child, I can't accept it if his griefs will impact her.
Roger said it was just a one time thing but when I asked him if he would continue going on Leah's family camping trip every year if it coincided with our daughter's birthday and he would not give me a straight answer.
This is a worst time for a break up and I do not want to take my daughter's chance of a happy family away from her but I don't know if I can ever get past this. WIBTA to just end this relationship right now?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Much-Meringue-7467
He is not ready to remarry. I'm sorry you made a baby before realizing that.
dhbroo12
Leah's family also needs to know what he did and how their ex son-in-law treated his soon to be wife and child. They may not know what he did. He might have given them some other excuse for leaving the camping early. But it might need you to confront them on how you feel if you feel it is appropriate. Particularly that you will not put up with it anymore.
UnluckyYou3574
NTA. This guy can’t definitively say he won’t skip out on your daughter’s birthday every year? Nope! It would be easier to explain his absence on her birthdays if you were both separated…
Bloubloum
He divorced with Leah 4 years ago.She died 2 years ago. The 1 year anniversary happened last year, so now it was the 2nd year.
So 1) this wasn't his late wife. This is an ex wife, that died.
2) This isn't a standard trip he does, it only happened once.
3) Your pregnancy and birth should be no1 priority compared to his ex's family.
bluemoondesign
NTA.. The woman he got divorced from two years before she died obviously is more important to him than you or your child. Leave him.
ChiselDragon
NTA, he is a massive AH. I would imagine if any member of his late ex-wife's family was aware of the particulars of the situation he would never be invited back again based on what a dick he was being.