'My fiance left me for his 'one that got away.' Now wants me back.' *UPDATE 4 YEARS LATER*

"My (24F) fiancee (27M) left me for his 'one that got away' but now wants me back."

My fiancee and i had been together 3 years. He was my first boyfriend. We laughed ,cried, worried and were happy together. Our families had mixed really well. Our moms became close friends really fast. He was my bestfriend, my confident, my support, my comfort. I looked at him and could see our future together.

God i'm even crying remembering one time we took a blanket, went outside, and looked up at the stars like in some book. I never thought something like this could happen to me. The man i loved could have never done anything like that to me.

It all started about a two months ago. His ex (high school sweetheart together 7 years) moved back to our country and wanted to catch up with Mark(fake name). He told me they broke up because they were unable to sustain a LDR when she left to pursue postgraduate studies. They hadn't been in contact for about 5 years.

She sent him an email, he showed it to me and it was completely platonic, she was just curious about what he had become. He asked me if he could meet her and i said yes. I trusted him. So he went, but when he came back he was a bit withdrawn. He is usually really chatty but he was dismissive when i asked him how it went etc...I let it go.

However the following weeks he was often on his phone, he picked random fights with me and didn't look me in the eyes when we hooked up, didn't whisper loving words either. I'm really touchy/clingy and in our 3 years together he had never once recoiled or refused my embrace but he started doing it.

I usually hug him like a koala when he comes back home from work ( i'm a bit childish i know) but he only let me do it twice. It was such a sudden change. I asked him what was wrong but he just said he wasn't feeling too good nowadays.

On a Saturday i went to visit his grandma as we usually knit together (she taught me) and i was gone the whole day. I feel really close to her because she adopted me easily and reminds me of my own who died when i was in high school.

When I came back I found him packing his stuff. My whole world fell apart. He was being so cowardly. He told me he was sorry for making me suffer like this but sometimes life gives you a second chance and you have to recognize it for what it is. That he loved me but when he met his ex, he realized the feelings weren't the same. He said he regretted letting go of her. That he had found himself again.

That it had been a difficult choice for him but he had to take this chance. His ex wanted him back. She had realized what she had lost and risked losing for good when he told her he was getting married. He supposedly refused her at first but as time passed, and they talked together his old feelings came back. He hoped i would forgive him one day and understand. I cried as he was talking.

It sounds stupid but it was as if it was a stranger in front of me. He said he would still pay rent and part of the bills until our lease was up and i can find another place. He makes a lot more than me and i wouldn't be able to afford living in our apartment on my own. I begged him not to make this mistake, that he was being fooled by an idealized memory of their past together, that he was having cold feet.

But he was like a wall, he didn't even look at me. At about 10 pm there was a truck outside with one of his friends waiting for him. He apparently came to help him move. I wasn't really close with that particular friend but he did seem sorry for me. Mark hugged me goodbye and left.

I hadn't cried that hard in years. I slept in our spare room not to feel the emptiness of our room with his things gone. I sunk to thee deepest pathetic and tried to call him but it went to voicemail. I. Had no idea where he went but assumed he was now living with his ex after 3 weeks of talking again, how ridiculous.

I'm really lucky to have supportive friends and family. My best friend even moved in for 5 days. My parents wanted me back home with them but i wasn't ready to leave. Mark is a bit messy and i'm a manic so it felt weird having everything perfectly neat. I missed his messiness. It was as if he was the one making our house a home. He used to joke about me wanting the house to look like it was on sale or in a catalogue.

Not waking up to make breakfest, not seeing him read lying on the sofa while i studied felt weird. Not buying his favorite snack or powder proteins when doing groceries felt weird. I felt really lost at first. It was like grieving.

Usually when people breakup their relationship was going south but to me it came out of nowhere. I still loved him, i was still planing the wedding and working on my side to build our future together. It was all gone in a day. I wish i had been smarter and refused he meet his "one that got away."

His family was dumbfounded. I still went to see his grandma and she told me he was a "fool" that he would come back crawling to me. She was the first person who managed to make me laugh. His mom, my mom and i started making calls to cancel all reservations. Luckily the store accepted to take back the dress. We didn't pay much for the location as we cancelled early.

Next was to inform the guests. He had been gone for about three weeks then. His family was furious with him so they didn't contact him much. The only contact i had with him was the signed cheque he made to cover the wedding cancellation.

However, about a week ago i received a letter from him. He apologized for leaving me like this. Said he made the biggest mistake of his life. That he couldn't even believe what he had done. That he was writing me this letter because he didn't have the courage to face me. "You were right, i was running after a perfect relationship that had never existed. I regret it so much.

I thought i was in love with her, but in reality i was in love with what she represented. My younger self with no responsibility and only dreams. I had cold feet and got afraid of moving forward into this new segment of my life. I couldn't stop thinking about you when i was with her. She is not you. She doesn't know me or loves me like you. She doesn't smell like you.

I missed hearing you sing randomly throughout the day, i missed having someone nagging me to pick up my stuff, i miss planning halloween parties for the kids with you. At the time i'm writing this letter we would have probably been decoration shopping had i not been a fool. Everyone told me but i was being a blind fool. I would do anything to go back in the past and slap some sense into myself.

I would do anything for you to forgive me. I know we have already started cancelling everything but i'm ready to pay for everything myself. You can date someone else to even scores if you want as long as you come back to me..." I would write the whole letter but i'm on my ipad and it's tiring. I just gave the important parts. He kept on with apologies and begging me to forgive him.

Now I told my family (left friends out for the moment) and his mom and grandma. Grandma had a very satisfying told you so moment. However she is rooting me to forgive him. His mom was supposed to send a formal letter to guests to tell them the wedding was off but now is waiting for my answer. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart but what he did to me i don't know if i can get over it.

He made me feel worthless. He threw me away as if i was no one to him after 3 years. He gave up on us for some ghost from his past when we were at our happiest. If he can leave me when we are doing good how will we sustain a marriage? Will he leave the moment things get hard?

He hurt me so badly and expect me to forgive him? He wants us to meet on sunday but i'm not sure. I'm willing to. I need some perspective. What would you do in my situation?

tl;dr: My fiance left me for his "one that got away" but now wants me back, after leaving me one day out of the blue to go live with her. Apparently he made the "biggest mistake of his life" and will do anything to get me back

This is what people had to say to OP:

[deleted] said:

Just a thought, how do you know that the old girlfriend didn't call it off, sending him back to pick up the pieces? Definitely don't be second choice. The right people don't need second chances. You deserve much more.

OP responded:

It's true, i still have no idea where he is currently or if he still lives with her. But honestly i don't think i should even care to clarify. You guys have led it down really well for me and i can even see things i hadn't considered with what he did. I want to just answer ''Please do not contact me again'' and be done. However i don't know if it's proper.

Papiduro said:

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a person who managed to throw away 3 years, because of the new found absolute intense feelings he got for his ex over 5 minutes of coffee?

And --softcornpawn-- said:

Do. Not. Take. Him. Back. Tell him "sorry, life isn't giving you a second chance at this" Then find someone who will never, ever crush you like that.

A week later, OP shared this update:

I didn't plan on updating or at least not so soon but i have another problem. I'm really thankful to everyone who answered and comforted me. You guys gave me the strength to look forward and not make a decision based on nostalgia. I felt really alone in my pain but thanks to you i felt a little less lonely.

So Mark wanted to meet on sunday but i unblocked him from my phone and told him i didn't want to meet and to please not contact me anymore, he answered "Please baby i need to talk to you, can we meet another day?

I know i screwed up really bad and hurt you deeply but i'll do anything to make it up to you, anything you ask i'll do it...'' needless to say it just angered me more, how dare he use terms of endearment with me. I just blocked him again after that. I met his mom on saturday and told her to proceed with the notification of cancellation.

We had an emotional moment and she told me even though she would have really wanted us to stay ''One big family'', she would have done the same in my place. She had hoped i would find the strength to forgive him but she understands. And so the wedding is indeed still being cancelled. My poor brother ( i told him personally) had already bought his plane tickets from Australia but got a refund.

I rearranged all the furnitures in the house and bought new bedding sets, to make a new start and moved to the spare room for good. It looks really different and i like it. Apparently he told our friends because some brought it up to me, asking if we are getting back together, but said they ''didn't want to side."

On sunday evening i had a visitor. I never have people coming this late usually, it was around 9pm. When i went to look through the peephole i saw Mark, with his ex. I seriously had a moment of panick. He must still have the key for the main entry since he managed to get to my door without using the intercom. I don't know if it was a coward thing to do but i just chose not to open.

I know they knew i was there and i heard him ask me to ''Please let him in, that he just wanted to talk'' through the door. Honestly even though i feel better i don't think i'm emotionally stable enough to deal with him and especially him with his ex.

They stayed about 15 minutes and then they left. I thought he would get the message but they came again yesterday around the same time!! And i didn't open again. They waited even longer. I know i'm not being an adult.

So now i don't know what to do. I feel nervous in my own house because i dread the moment they'll come back. He knows my schedule and he came at the time where i usually come back from my zumba class. However yesterday was a holiday so we didn't have class. I'm afraid he will come again and i don't think i can face him. What should i do? I know i can't run away forever but i need more time.

Is this worth calling the police over? I fear it would make the problem bigger than it is and hurt our family relations, our moms are really close. And really he is not dangerous, i think. He didn't contact me enough for it to be considered harassment anyway.

Should i just be a big girl and open the next time he or they come? Or do i wait it out? Also why the hell is he bringing her? I'm curious but i want to stand by my decision.

tl;dr: I decided not to take him back and told his mom to send the notification of cancellation to the guests. I refused to meet him on Sunday but he came in the evening with his ex and again yesterday night. What should i do. Can i just keep on avoiding them or do i have to have that talk i do not want to have?

Four years later, OP posted this second update:

"My (26F) fiancé (27M) left me for his “one that got away” four years ago. They’ve divorced and he wants to get back together."

My fiancé broke our engagement off when his high school girlfriend moved to our city. They quickly got engaged, married and had a baby before it had even been a year. I was so blindsided and hurt, I don’t think I ever really got over my ex which is why I’m making this post to get some outside insight.

My ex reached out a few days ago to “catch up”. He claimed he regretted breaking up with me two months after he did but because his ex-wife was pregnant at the time, he felt he owed it to his son to try and make it work. He said their relationship quickly fell apart when he realized his ex wasn’t looking for a life partner but someone to financially support her.

He said the financial issues is what finally led to their divorce. They’ve been divorced for 6 months and have two children together. According to him, his ex regularly tries to get back together with him, but he doesn’t want her.

He ended up asking me if I was willing to give him a second chance.

In some ways, my ex has become my “one who got away” and I probably would’ve jumped at the chance to get back with him a few months ago. However, I’ve recently been talking to this guy and whilst we aren’t official or anything, we did go on a date two weeks ago which went really well.

I feel like it could progress into something good and I don’t know if my ex is worth losing it over. I’d appreciate any advice on what to do in this situation.

TL;DR – My ex left me for his “one that got away”. Four years and two kids later, they’re now divorced. My ex claims he regretted leaving me two months after he did but felt like he had to stay for the sake of his unborn child. He now wants a second chance, but I’ve met someone knew who seems like a great person. I don’t know what to do.