'I just found out my late half-sister is still alive.' UPDATED
"I just found out my late half-sister is still alive."
I'm flipping out you guys. My sister and I hadn't been close at all given the age difference, the fact that she lived across the country, and the parent that we share was horrifically abusive towards me. Still, when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2013 I helped by sending her some money here and there.
She ended up getting a lot worse and when I dropped out of college (for unrelated reasons), I worked several jobs so I could help her out a lot more financially. I got the news that she passed away summer of 2016 and was invited to attend the service although I couldn't because I wasn't able to get off from work.
Fast forward to today when I get a request from her social media account, and looking through her posts she's not only alive, but way better off than I am. I'm glad she's not dead but what the hell?
I haven't said anything to her because I'm not sure a) how to confront her about it and b) what I even want. I don't think I want to have a relationship with her given what went down, but mostly my mind is reeling and I'm trying to make sense of it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
Did the news that she'd died come with a request for more money? Because either she and her husband were working together to grift you, or he was working alone to grift you, but either way, you were being deliberately taken for a ride.
Ok. Two possibilities here. First one: that's a fake account. See if you can find an obituary or memorial page online. (You were invited to a service: what funeral home? A lot of funeral homes post obituaries, too.)
Second one: it would take a LOT of audacity to reveal yourself as alive after faking a death to milk someone for money. That's pretty extreme. A less extreme idea is the husband lied for whatever reason. When you stopped reaching out, maybe sister thought you had cut contact? I have no idea. None.
I think it's very worthy of the closure of finding out. I couldn't stand not saying something. Ask your sister you how her funeral service you were invited to went. See what she says in response.
Whatever her response: unless the circumstances surrounding her reasons for you thinking she was dead have SUPER changed (i.e. my husband lied to everyone and now we are divorced and here's proof of that) you give her a piece of your mind, you cut contact, and you never give her a dime again.
That you were invited to attend a service really takes the cake. WTF? I would definitely respond to her by saying you are VERY confused. Please explain.
Ten days later, the OP returned with an update.
My sister, who I was told passed after a battle with cancer, added me on social media. After going through her profile it was clear that it was definitely her. You guys encouraged me to talk to her to find out what happened.
It took me a bit to come up with the will to do so, but I finally did. I sent her a very short but polite message saying that I was glad that she seemed to be doing well but I was very confused because I had been told she died.
Apparently, our father told her that I was a huge source of negativity and that it would be unhealthy for her to have me in her life while she was going through the cancer. She told me she didn't believe that, but that he offered to pay for her treatments and such in full if she just cut contact with me forever.
They came to the conclusion together that it would be better for me if I thought she was just dead. She told me that she was reaching out now because he had given her permission to as he felt I was in a better place now.
I was pretty furious when I read that, especially since I had been helping her out financially and in pretty significant amounts. I know how stressful medical bills and how much of a relief it would be if someone offered to completely take care of mine, but at the same time I hate that our relationship had a price tag.
We grew pretty close, at least I thought so, even commiserating about how awful that man had made our lives but he was able to just swoop in so easily and manipulate us again.
I didn't know what to say at first so I let myself cool down, talked about it with my partner, and then ultimately decided to let her know that I appreciated her telling me the truth and that I'm glad she's well but that I'd prefer if we didn't talk much going forward as I was really hurt by what she did and that I didn't want any avenue for our father to have any contact much less control over my life.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
Wow. Sometimes you think you've read some sad family dynamics then I come back and find myself surprised even further. Its sad that your father has such an iron hold on her as to get her to agree to something so vile. Your father was dead wrong, you aren't the source of negativity in that family, they are. Kudos for having the courage to cut her out as well.
a 35 year old was taking money from 17 year old?! cancer is the worst but that is pretty terrible.
How does someone think faking their death is an acceptable ask and comply?
and worst father of the year award goes to....
The sister is 40 years old and claiming their dad gave her permission to get in contact again? There is either much more to the story and the sister is lying about some things, or that sister and father are worth going 100% no contact and considering them both dead.
All I can say in response to this post, I hope everyone in it gets exactly what they deserve. Holy cow, though, OP is remarkably strong and mature for her age.