'WIBTA if I reported my college roommate for having her husband move in?' UPDATED 3X

"WIBTA If I Told My Landlord About My Roommate's Husband?"

Mobile-Loquat9371

I (18F) just started my freshman year of college last week. At my university, it is not mandatory that you live on campus the first year, and I did not want to live in a dorm, so my parents helped me apartment hunt.

They mostly just gave me tips or helped when asked because they wanted me to pick what I thought would be best for me, since I'm ultimately going to be the one paying for the rent. I chose a place very close to campus (5-15 minute walk depending on which building you're heading to) and with great amenities in relation to my rent payment.

It's not campus-owned, but it is exclusively marketed to students and has a questionnaire on the application for the purpose of placing you with your roommates that asks about your major, greek affiliation, clubs, etc.

Anyway, I applied, got accepted, and got a letter two weeks prior to move-in with my apartment number, bedroom number, and the name/phone # of my new roomies for a 3-bed unit. We made a group chat and started to get to know each other.

Layla (19F) is a sophomore, and Mina (23F) is a college super senior. I found out what they study, what they like, what they hate, what they're allergic to, their ground rules, etc. Everything seemed great.

Then the day I move in I learn Mina is married. Her husband Kurt (25M) is nice, but he didn't leave. After a couple days I come to learn that he lives in the apartment with Mina. Definitely not what I was expecting and not what I signed up for. The apartment complex does not do co-ed living unless you and another person apply together for a 2-bed unit.

I ended up asking Mina offhandedly where Kurt stays just to confirm, and she said he lives with her in her room.

She asked me in a joking tone if I'd be "hush hush" about it because the leasing office doesn't know and this is the cheapest option for them with all the amenities they want until they get a house together, which they're planning to purchase/finance in the spring when they're sure Mina is going to graduate.

They're also apparently trying (or will start trying) for a baby because they're ready for a family.

I'm upset and uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. I want to report Mina to the leasing office and get her removed, but I'm worried that even thought they're the ones breaking the rules that I might just be overreacting.

I really don't like living with a grown man I don't know when I signed up to live with other girls, primarily in my age group.

I was excited to move in with people that I wouldn't feel weird walking around in a sports bra and gym shorts, and being able to go to the fridge in the middle of the night for a snack in my underwear, and not having to lock the door every time I go in or leave my room.

But I don't feel like I can do that with Kurt here. I've already caught him looking me up and down and I really don't want it to go past that and there be drama on top of all of this. Would I be the AH if I just report the situation to my landlord?

EDIT- I'll be talking to Layla tomorrow when we've got some time alone. Also I need to clarify something that seems to have been misunderstood. Mina and Kurt wouldn't be homeless, they would just have to move back in with their parents.

When I said in my explanation they would have "nowhere to go" I meant that, as far as I know, they don't have relatives in town or a friend with an extra room.

So Mina would likely have to switch her classes to online or take a gap semester or gap year before finishing her degree, that is if she can't find someone to stay with, IF she even gets removed from the apartment. Also, she and Kurt aren't "broke college kids".

They both come relatively well-off families, I'm guessing, because they each have new, pretty expensive cars and no payments, and Mina has mentioned to me that she'll be graduating debt free and never had to take out a loan.

This is all on top of the fact that Kurt has no job, which got confirmed to me like an hour ago, and they've both talked in front of me about how they'll be able to afford a 60k down-payment on a house in spring.

They're also looking for home back in the city they're from which is far more expensive than buying a place in most of the rest of the state. Maybe I'm being a bit presumptuous, but I think they would've been able to financially handle moving into a different place. I'll update again tomorrow after talking to Layla.

EDIT 2- Corrected my mistake in my first edit. Second edit is in the comments. Further updates will be provided as they happen I guess. Thanks all <3

EDIT 3- Check most recent comments! I probably left some stuff ot because I'm rushing to my next class, but leave any questions if you have them

Here were the top rated coments from readers after the initial post:

EANx_Diver

WNBTA Go to the office and ask for a new room, citing that you are uncomfortable living with a strange man.

And also mention that even if he were to leave, you wouldn't feel comfortable with Mina as a roommate once she knew you were the one who mentioned it. And you'll need that room today or they can put you up in a hotel until it's ready.

Consistent-Leopard71

NTA at all. Report Mina immediately. Neither you nor Layla signed on for a forth male roommate. Also, you and Layla are paying Kurt's rent.

Rapt2right

NTA. Living with a married couple is not what you signed up for. Living with a male roommate is not what you signed up for. You didn't even sign up to live with 3 other people. You chose this place based on the premise that you would have two roommates, both of them women.

Report away. It sucks for them but they are the ones who decided that it was ok to violate the terms of her tenancy and expected to magically get housed with TWO women who would be fine with an unexpected 4th roommate and with that roommate being a grown ass man.

INFO- Have you told your parents about this situation? I don't know how your parents feel about interfering and fighting your battles but if you were my daughter, I might very well take the decision out of your hands by raising hell with the leasing office myself.

OP responded

I haven't told them yet. They know Mina is married but not that Kurt lives in her room. I know my mom would take a more restrained, but still very stern, kind of approach.

My father would probably lose his shit. I really don't want him to blow up in the office, especially since I plan to continue living here, because I don't want his actions or his attitude to damage my rep/relationship with my landlord.

Groundbreakingtwo201

NTA. This doesn't fly for so many reasons. First, you're uncomfortable. Second, you're probably getting shafted on how the rent is getting split. Third, Mina didn't disclose this beforehand to get y'alls grace. Report her if you want. What does your other roommate think about this?

OP responded

I'm not sure what Layla thinks. I'm going to ask her later. Also, about rent, we all have separate leases. We essentially lease our bedrooms, so we're all charged the same rate. So even if Layla also had a husband living with her, or if Kurt suddenly disappeared, I would still be paying the same rate.

I'm not really torn up about whether Mina getting to split rent is "fair" or if I'm getting shafted. If anything I'd assume they feel cramped. Two people are sharing the bedroom/bathroom for a single person and the fridge/freezer/pantry space of one person.

That would suck too much for me to bring in a secret roommate to cut my costs, unless I was living in the cheapest place and still couldn't afford it.

Z0na

NTA. Mina is going to think YTA, but you are definitely NTA. Its weird enough you don't get to pick who you are living, throwing a random dude in a single-sex apartment is unacceptable.

iaintdum

NTA! That's super sketchy. You shouldn't have to live with a 25yo stranger man after being tricked into the situation.

Just a couple days later, OP returned with an update. Things were moving fast.

EDIT 2- Doing this as a comment because I got warned about the character limit for edits on a post. A **lot** happened yesterday and I'm sitting in the campus starbucks with a quad latte right now to avoid the incoming hell at the apartment.

So, for starters, I made an error in my edit. I was thinking about several things at once and said Kurt and Mina have 10k for a down payment. 10k is what Kurt's father is going to throw in. Mina and Kurt currently have 60k.

I spoke to Layla yesterday between classes. I ran into at the library, we had a chat, and it turns out she HATES living with Mina and Kurt, but she's been afraid to tell her parents because it's been so long already, but she'd need to get money for the room change fee from them.

I asked her why she didn't just make something up, but she said she has a really hard time lying to her parents and she would still be at the apartment complex and is worried Mina would come find her and grill her about why she switched.

She said that she didn't actually realize Kurt never left until around a month into living there and she thought it was temporary, but she eventually came to learn that Mina and Kurt married the summer after Mina's sophomore year and they moved into this apartment complex afterward with the intention of splitting the rent so they could get the cheapest and nicest deal.

They had already been here for a year when Layla moved in and was placed with them, and she also didn't want to speak up because the other roommate Kristen was ALSO married and had her husband living with her and was in on the scheme with Mina.

She was terrified that I would bring along a live-in bf or husband. Layla also said she felt like if she spoke up to the office, Mina and Kristen would band together and say she was lying and it would just be her word against theirs.

She's so much more conflict-shy than I am. I asked her if she would feel comfortable backing me up if I went to my parents about this whole thing and got them to complain to the landlord on my behalf. Layla said she'd support me and was tired of living like this.

I also told her about catching Kurt eyeing me, and she said she's caught him checking her out several times, even when Mina was in the room (just while she wasn't watching). He's also apparently made some bordering-on-creepy comments about her, especially when she comes home from working out and is in leggings and a tank.

And the one time she went out with Mina and Kurt to the college bar to try and make the best out of the situation, he flirted with her and a couple of Mina's friends every time Mina stepped away.

This felt like a final straw for me and confirmed what I was worried about with Kurt. After I left the library, I got in my car and called my parents. I told them everything, including what Layla told me, and they were pissed to say the least.

My dad told me he was going to call first thing in the morning and keep calling until he got my landlord on the other end. My mom said she'd come down to the office in person since she wouldn't have work that day to also speak with the landlord and be there for me in case Mina got mad at me.

My aunt, my mom's sister, lives in my college town, and so if I end up needing to stay somewhere for a few days to get away I can stay there.

The office opened at 7:00 this morning and its almost 9:30 for me. Dad just texted saying he got to speak with the landlord and that this will be taken care of soon. Mom is on her way to the office and is supposed to call me when she leaves.

I'm not sure if I'm jittery from the caffeine or the anxiety, but I keep backspacing over typos. Every time I get a phone notification I just stare at it like 0_0 because I'm expecting Mina to start cussing me out because she magically knows exactly what I'm up to.

I have a class this afternoon and some assignments to take care of, but I'll try and update again tomorrow if anything progresses. Thank you to everyone for your support and advice.

Some of it was incredibly eye-opening and I feel very confident about my decision. I'm going to type up a short email of my own just to the landlord about the situation so that I can just get it down "on paper" and then try and go about my day.

Here's how the commenters took that latest news:

anonymous

Poor Layla! She’s so lucky you came in and aren’t as shy as she is about sticking up for yourself! What these couples are doing is messed up and unfair.

anonymous

You are 100% doing the right thing and I'm so glad to hear that your parents immediately stepped up on this one. I hope the rest of your day went smoothly. Can Layla come with you to your aunt's house if she's not comfortable staying there?

anonymous

go go go, will be waiting for another update, if you are up to sharing it

anonymous

Girl! We need an update!

And finally, a little resolution. OP comes back with a third update.

EDIT 3- Okay I had some assignments to do (english 101 gave me an essay ALREADY) and I wanted to see how a couple things would play out before I updated. It got a little crazy. Kurt is already gone.

On Wednesday, when my parents contacted the office, my mother thought it would be productive to try and contact Mina's parents. I know Mina's first name and her maiden name (got that info from Layla) and I told my mom so that she cold try and find Mina's family on social media.

She found an old FB page from high school with Mina's name attached to it, and then she found Mina's parents in the friends list. Mina's mom's FB page (we'll call her Cheryl) is current.

She messaged her to let her know what the situation is and that she isn't trying to make things hard on Mina or her family, but that she and my dad aren't going to allow this sort of thing to keep going on.

She also said she would be happy for all of us (me, Layla, Mina, Kurt, all of our parents) to sit down and discuss things and come to some sort of agreement if possible before this turns into a legal proceeding.

Mom, dad, Layla, and I were expecting the leasing office to either threaten legal eviction or start the process based on how upset the landlord seemed after my parents spoke to her. She also emailed me back and seemed to be taking the situation very seriously.

It took Cheryl a few hours to respond, and mom ended up showing me their back and forth. Cheryl was confused at first and asked a few times if we were sure about what we were telling her.

My mom insisted that yes, this was the problem, and that my other roommate Layla had been dealing with this for a year prior to me. Cheryl didn't reply for a while again, and then she told us that we wouldn't have to worry about Kurt anymore and that she was calling his parents about this.

It turns out, Kurt and Mina weren't married yet. Their wedding is in March just after we get out for Spring Break. Mina and Kurt's families are both Catholic and apparently Mina and Kurt living together unmarried and lying big time about it is a huge no-no.

I stayed with my aunt the past couple days, but according to Layla, Kurt was gone by the time she got home after class Wednesday afternoon, and then he came back before her morning class with some relatives to collect all of his things.

Mina hasn't said a word in the group chat, but Layla told me that she's trying to complain about me while I'm not there because she thinks I'm the one who talked (and she's right ofc).

She's said multiple times that I'm "a loudmouth b" and that I'm "ruining her life". After fully assessing the situation, the landlord has given her, as of yesterday, seven days to move out, or she will start the legal eviction process.

She's also apparently offering to allow her to retain her deposit so long as she turns her keys into the office in person by the end of hours on the 31st.

According to Layla, Mina doesn't want to go through an eviction because it stays on your record and makes future renting difficult and can seriously impact your credit score.

Also her parents don't want her involved in legal trouble, and they're upset she's been lying about her living arrangements for so long that they're moving her in with a relative in a little community/suburb like 20 minutes outside of town.

It was apparently either that, or her withdrawing for the semester and not returning until spring, which would delay her graduation. They also want to send her on something called a purity retreat?

That's pretty much the gist of it. I have a class to get to now, and I'm sure there's some stuff I'm forgetting because I'm so scrambled, but if there is I'll add another update I guess? Sorry I keep giving such long updates, I'm really wordy. Thanks again for the support and advice and everything <3

And believe it or not, at this point commenters actually considered leaving her side.

Resident_Canary1321

Honestly contacting her mother was unnecessary. She’s an adult and you shouldn’t contact adults’ parents when you don’t know the nature of the relationship.

Based on the “purity retreat” thing when she is 23 years old, I’d say her parents are controlling and the relationship is not a good one. She’s still an AH and needed to face consequences, but contacting the landlord would have been enough to get her out.

Thatisnotacceptable

If her family is paying for all of this bullshit, they have a right to know what their money is going towards. In this case it's enabling an AH and a creeper AH to make young women feel unsafe in their temporary home. Whatever needed to happen to get this all out in the open is no more than they deserve.

Environmental-tea-48

They deserved to be kicked out, but going to her parents to tattle on a 23 year old is ridiculous.

Thatisnotacceptable

Thrilled with this outcome for you and Layla! The rest of the details make this is even more MAJOR AH territory on their part. There is really no outcome here short of jail/injury that they don't 100% deserve and then some.

They lied, he creeped, and they generally made life difficult for Layla for over a year already. Glad to see them getting some of their own back!

What do you think? Shoud they have run to mommy or kept it in house (apartment)?