'GF and I got into a huge fight over a keyboard. Thinking about ending things. AITA?'
"GF and I got into a huge fight over a keyboard. Thinking about ending things based on her behavior. AITA?"
So, my GF and I (both 26) got in a fight about this two nights ago, and she's making it seem like I'm being an AH. We've been dating for ~4.5 months. My girlfriend has a ~2013 Lenovo laptop that has seen better days.
As it stands right now, among some other issues, her keyboard totally doesn't work. Because of this, she always uses a small bluetooth keyboard with her laptop. She had texted me the next morning saying that her wireless keyboard had stopped working as well.
We had already planned for me to stay the night at her place after I got off work, so I offered to stop by my place on the way to grab her a keyboard, as I have a few extras. When I got to her place, she was eagerly awaiting the keyboard, which makes sense, as she wasn't able to use her computer for most of the day.
But when I handed her the keyboard, she started getting really quiet and pouty. A bit later, when I asked her what was wrong, she said she thought I'd be bringing her something nicer, like the keyboard I have at my desk.
The thing is, I have a really nice keyboard at my desk. I'm a programmer, and I love this keyboard so much that I also bring it to work with me. I even have specific macro profiles for it that definitely improve my workflow.
For context, I had an extra Amazon Basics keyboard (~$15) lying around, still brand new in the box. My personal keyboard, which I've had for years, is some variant of the Razer Blackwidow (~$120).
Anyway, she was apparently expecting me to be 'selfless' and let her use my nice keyboard while I used the Amazon keyboard. She was upset that I didn't "value her enough" to lend her my nice posessions, and left her with the "cheap $10 keyboard" (her words).
She said if the situation was reversed, she'd lend me the nice keyboard. I explained to her that I have my keyboard specifically set up for work, and because I'm so used to it, it would hinder my ability to do work if I didn't have it.
We continued to argue about it. Things really came to a head when she boldly claimed that if I wasn't willing to lend her my nice keyboard, that I "should have bought her a nice new keyboard if I really cared about her."
This is when I got really mad. I told her she was acting like an entitled, spoiled child and that she should have been grateful that I went out of my way in the first place to grab her the Amazon keyboard.
She started crying and asked me to go home. I left, but I still gave her the Amazon keyboard to use. I was far more upset at the principle of the situation than the keyboard itself. So now she's calling me an AH for both not giving her my keyboard AND because I called her spoiled.
We're going to meet up tomorrow to talk about this in person because I refused to continue this silly argument over text. I'm thinking about ending things with her, as I feel like this is her showing me her true colors.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You are honestly 100% right. She is acting like a spoiled child. Beggars don’t get to be choosers. She wants your nice keyboard? She can buy one for herself. Better yet she can buck up and save up for a new laptop.
I don’t blame you at all for feeling angry. I think you should attempt to talk through it before you decide to break up with her. But it is definitely a red flag that she’s acting this way.
Is this a once off or a regular occurrence? Only asking because sometimes people make a big deal out of something small when something else is on their mind or bothering them. It might not be the case at all, but just a possibility.
I think it depends how invested you are in the relationship. I’d be more inclined to end it if I was in such a short relationship as you are. If my boyfriend of two years acted this way, I’d probably be more willing to sort it out. Guess it depends on what she’s like other than this incident.
I think you got it right when you said she was a spoiled brat. She should have been grateful that you came over with a keyboard, any kind of keyboard. Maybe she should take her own advice a be a little “selfless”.
I would pose a question to you, if you two are fighting over a keyboard, what will happen when an issue that is a bit more serious comes up? Good luck with your talk, I have a feeling you are going to need it.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
We met earlier tonight and sat down to talk. I was somewhat prepared to end things with her, so I suggested we meet at her place, so that I could bail if things went south...and they did.
Even though I thought I made my post as anonymous as possible, one of my GFs coworkers figured out who the post was about (GF's age, working HR [which I mentioned in a comment], same computer problems, dating a programmer, etc) and sent it to my GF.
The reason she wanted to meet early was because she was FURIOUS that I had made the post, 'airing our dirty laundry.' In a sense, I guess she was right, because at least on person had figured it out. My GF never used Reddit so I figured I was safe. There's a strong chance she'll read this one as well, lol.
Anyway, she immediately began berating me, telling me that I made her look bad in the post and lied about the details of our argument to get people on my side. I asked her to point out ANY part of it that wasn't true, or where I had lied.
Long story short, she couldn't point to a single thing. I definitely raised my voice when I told her that if she looked bad, it's only because of her actions. I told her I only made the post to get some perspective on the matter.
The post was 100% accurate and she knew it. She began to tear up and asked me if I really was considering leaving her over the keyboard. I asked her if she understood that this WASN'T ABOUT THE KEYBOARD.
It was about the way she acted towards me when I was trying to do her a favor. She stayed silent and didn't answer. I asked her what had prompted this outburst, if everything was OK with her. I asked if anything had happened with her friends, parents, or at work that was upsetting her and may have lead to this.
She got really defensive, asking "Are you calling me crazy?" and "Do you think I'm unstable?" I had no idea where she was going with this. I told her I wasn't calling her crazy, but that she had to understand that I was quite confused about how she was acting, and that there had to be a reason for it.
We talked in circles for a bit, and I tried to pry it out of her. I still don't know what caused all of this, because she simply wouldn't tell me. When I realized our conversation was going nowhere, I finally asked her if we were going to have an adult conversation, or if this was the hill she was willing to let the relationship die on.
She asked, "What do you want from me?" and I said, "I want an apology." I'm getting tired of typing so I'll wrap this up quickly. She was absolutely unwilling to apologize. She thought that my "betrayal" of posting about this was far worse than her initial behavior was.
We talked for about 5 more minutes before I told her that I don't even care anymore. I told her this whole thing was exhausting, as she wasn't willing to help us get to the bottom if this. That we should just break up. I didn't waste any time making my way to the door.
As I was leaving, she asked if I wanted the keyboard back. She didn't ask to be nice; she was definitely trying to get on my nerves. I could tell by her tone of voice. I told her she could keep it as long as she promised never to call or text me again.
I've been getting TONS of not-so-nice messages from her friends (which finally prompted me to delete my FB). She obviously told her friends some false version of the story which made it seem like I really did leave her over the keyboard. I couldn't care less, as I'll never be seeing any of them again.
We only dated for ~4 months, so in the end, I don't feel terribly heartbroken. Mostly just relief that it's over. But...also confusion. Still have no idea why she acted out. TL;DR: She wouldn't apologize or tell me what was wrong.
After an exhausting conversation, I decided to end it. And to the people who had some unkind words towards me because I use a Razer keyboard: Pound sand, dorks. I like what I like.
VERY SHORT EDIT: She called earlier today and was very apologetic. My assumption is that she saw this post and read all the comments detailing how I was right for leaving her, among other things. I told her that she had her chance to apologize.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I saw a comment a while back that asked why so many relationships fail at approximately the three month point, and someone (no, I'm not going to spend twenty plus minutes Googling to give credit to the person) replied that they'd once been told it was because it was really hard for people to continue pretending to be someone they weren't for much longer than three months. I think maybe this applies to your situation.
It’s never about the keyboard…
When she asked you if you were going to want your keyboard back OP I was hoping you’d say “keep it because I’ve got a better one at home.” But really I’m glad you were the bigger person! Good on you! You really dodged a bullet it seems.