GF angry BF stepped in to defend her when his mom called her a 'floozy.' AITA?
Some parents just don't think anyone will ever be good enough for their child.
One man knew that his mother did not approve of his girlfriend. He says it truly isn't his girlfriend's fault; his mom is just incredibly protective and controling. When his family was having a reunion, his girlfriend wanted to come so she could get to know more of his family members. She begged him to stay out of it if his mom made trouble. She wanted to settle their differences woman-to-woman. But, when he heard how his mom was talking, he couldn't stop himself from intervening.
AITA for standing up for my GF when she told me not to?
I (27M) have been dating my GF, Mia (25F), for 5 years. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Smart, funny, kind to a fault and I could keep listing her qualities but that's not what this post is about.
What is relevant here is that she is shy and has problems with confrontation. She sees a therapist to work on this and some other issues and she's a lot more confident than when I met here. Except when it comes to my mom.
My mom is one of *those* moms. Y'know, the kind who thinks no one is good enough for their 'baby boy'. I only see her when I visit for Christmas, Easter, and the handful of zoom/facetime calls scattered through the year. I love my mom but I do not enjoy being around her, especially since she has problems with Mia.
Usually Mia doesn't join me, but this year my entire extended family was visiting and she wanted to meet some of my cousins. She told me very specifically that she wanted to be the one to handle her problems with my mom.
The family gathering was going really well, I was having a beer with my cousin who I hadn't seen in a couple years and no drama to speak of up to that point. Then I heard my mom yelling.
I ran towards the commotion and saw my mom and Mia arguing. Mia saw me and said stay out of it but I could see she was holding back tears. My mom then asked what I saw in some 'floozy' (yes really) and that's when I stepped in.
A bit of back and forth arguing led to me giving my mom an ultimatum: either accept that I love Mia and treat her with respect, or I go NC (no contact). Still haven't gotten a response on that.
We left and bought a hotel room for the rest of the trip. In the car, Mia was really angry and said that my mom doesn't respect her because she doesn't get a chance to fight her own battles.
I told her that she can't expect me to not get involved when she's upset like that. Things have still been tense since we got home and I'm starting to wonder if I should've just let her handle it.
Here are the top comments from readers:
Usually I would say you have no business in jumping in to white knight a woman who has told you to butt out. But this is different. This is about you and your relationship with your mother, equally to your mother's relationship with Mia. So NAH.
Mia is right to feel that you stepped on her autonomy because you did, but she's also failing to recognize that your history and relationship with your mother and THAT relationship, color this interaction.
You get a pass solely because it's your mother. If this were ANYONE else, you'd be the complete a**hole.
NTA. When your mom asked what you saw in some 'floozy', you responded by defending yourself. Mia cannot reasonably ask you to refrain from doing that.
NTA. Mia is under the delusion that your mom doesn't respect her because she doesn't stand up for herself. The reality is that there is nothing she could do to earn your mother's respect. Because your mom is the problem which you are very aware of.
The reality is that your mother will always find something wrong with anyone you date because she views these partners as obstacles to you. I can't fault you for calling your mom out on her bullshit which really has nothing to do with Mia and everything to do with your mother being emotionally incestuous.
NTA: OP, Mom addressed you. At that point you became my involved. At that point, the topic of discussion became your concern.
NTA. I get that Mia wants to fight her own battles, but it's also important to support each other in conflicts, especially when it involves your family members. I think it would have been much worse if you just stood on the sidelines when your own mother is treating Mia like that.
Also, your mother asked you a question directly, involving you in the dispute. Are you just supposed to stay quiet after that? At that point you are now involved and it isn't just Mia's battle to fight.