Man threatens serious blackmail when gf won't let him eat pizza every day. UPDATE
When pizza slices a couple apart.
This seems ridiculous but, unfortunately, this story isn't as cheesy as it sounds. One woman came to Reddit when she was fed up with her boyfriend's pizza obsession. Admittedly, that sounds trivial, but the dish runs much deeper. She was devastated that he would be so uncompromising and quick to throw away their longterm partnership. This story is delivered as a combo including an update, serving up the surprising secret ingredients that spoiled their relationship.
I [24F] am dating a [25M] almost unreasonably picky eater and I'm pretty much at the end of my rope
I [24F] met Jake [25M] about two years ago while out and bonding over the fact that we graduated from the same college. We went on a couple dates and were getting to know each other when he let me know that he had more or less eaten pizza every day for the past three years.
I didn't love the idea but I thought he was pretty cool besides that and figured it was just a little quirk he had that he was, exaggerating and that the dude just really liked pizza. He was not.
He eats it every single day without fail. Each time we go out, it has to be pizza and after a few fights here and there, it's been pretty much an unspoken understanding that when we go out we will be getting pizza.
Also, it's not just ANY pizza, he's even picky about his pizza. He'll make us go to a few totally inconvenient pizza places that requires a subway ride trip and is far from where either of us live.
We live in NYC and I'm sure most of you know you pretty much can't pass a single block without stumbling upon a pizza place, so it's not like these places are our ONLY options.
I can name all the foods he eats on both my hands. All are simple carbohydrates, but pizza is his absolute favorite. The others he'll just settle to eat if pizza is not immediately available. No vegetables, no fruit, no protein, whatsoever. He absolutely refuses to even try them despite never trying most of them before.
I've tried to gently push his boundaries, but it always fails and the one time we went somewhere I wanted to go he pouted the entire time and ordered french fries. He's promised to be more open and that this pizza thing won't be forever, but that it's working for him now (whatever that means.)
He claims to be high functioning on the spectrum which honestly, I'm not totally convinced of but that's another story, and that's why he can only eat pizza.
This made me more cautious of discussing my issues with his diet because I know how easily he can claim I'm insensitive to his disability and that it's something he truly cannot help, and he has. I do firmly believe he has some sort of avoidant eating disorder, that is clearly not debatable.
I've more or less dropped it because it always starts a fight, but the resentment is still there. Something I wasn't totally sold on when we first met but convinced myself was a small quirk is turning into genuine disgust and bitterness towards him and his unwillingness.
I guess he thought I got over it since I stopped bringing it up as much, and he informed me of his plan to stop eating pizza everyday after 10,000 consecutive days of eating pizza.
To do the math for you, that's roughly around 2040 factoring in the days he's already gained. He's going to document it on his instagram story and show everybody his 'streak.'
He seemed so proud of this idea and commitment and I'm genuinely stunned. He thinks this is just some interesting, cute little tidbit about him that people will support because 'he's such an offbeat guy.'
I could not believe what I was hearing. Taking away the inconvenience of ALWAYS having to eat where he wants to eat, not being able to cook for us, me being bored stupid over eating the same sh*t every time, it's simply not healthy. He claims because he's outwardly fit it's not a big deal, but I disagree.
I was sort of putting up with the whole pizza thing at first but upon this announcement, I don't know if I can I deal with this much longer. It's inconvenient, it's unhealthy, and in my opinion it's selfish.
Everybody you go to eat out with has to cater to a single person's self imposed dietary restrictions. He's going to Germany with his family for vacation and he's already mapped out the available pizza places he can eat at (german pizza over authentic german cuisine?!).
It very well could be something he can't help, and he has claimed to be getting help through therapy with it but I'm seeing no progress and honestly I don't think he wants to and only says he's working on it to placate me.
He talks about having a future with me and having kids, and there's no way I would even consider that if he continues to commit to this streak, for the fear of setting a bad example for our children's eating habits.
We don't live together and only see each other about three times a week and the pizza thing is driving me crazy. He proposed moving in together and I immediately shot that down for the time being. If I can barely handle it now I know living together would only amplify it.
I've tried gently coaxing, I've tried showing him studies on how his diet affects his life and sets back the fitness goals he's always complaining about never reaching, I've tried fighting and anger only to be told I'm an a**hole because I need to accept him as he is and that he can't help it.
Maybe he is right. I have to accept it or I have to move on, and at this point I truly don't think I can. He's great in almost every other way except for this. I feel guilty for letting it go on this long when it bothered me from the very beginning, but I can't change that now.
Do I concede and let him eat whatever he wants as he's a grown man? Should I draw this boundary and continue to push him to push himself and give an ultimatum? Or do I just need to throw in the towel at this point and move on with my life? Never thought I'd get so stressed out over pizza.
Here is what readers surprisingly had to say:
rapter200
10,000 consecutive days of eating pizza.
ItsVinn 873
Been suffering from this my entire life. Ill be real but honestly I only started to eat pizza and burgers a few years ago. My diet was more EXTREMELY selective in high school. I was bullied initially for my diet.
He honestly needs help. He needs therapy. I admit I would still need one. If I just had the financial means to do so.
Invincrono 1925 S G
You do NOT concede. You say 'Look, I don't want to fucking date Papa John. Get some help, so we can both eat normal things. Because you're unhealthy and I'm not going to date someone who will die of Diabetes before he's 40'. Get him into therapy, stat. He has untreated mental illness. It's not about 'accepting' anything!
thewafflestompa
This is fascinating. I’ve gone through “spells” where I would only eat burgers or soup for long periods but it’s never been permanent. I used to be a heavy drinker and would crave certain foods for extended periods of time
You should consider doing an AMA, I’m sure a lot of people would have questions you could help with.
Big-Daddy-C 74
Holy crap I'm almost certain I have this. Not as terrible as OP's bf, but I do restrict myself quite a bit. I'm gonna start working on it
Laloblox 6
I have this too, it basically forces you just eat ONLY certain things. Anything else and basically you freak out, with cold sweats and a lots of stress if you even think about eating something else. Your body also sometimes even physically rejects the new food by vomiting it out. It’s not healthy and I’ll be looking into getting help for it soon.
discipleofdrum 477
I mean unless it's fine with you, this seems like a deal breaker for MOST people. The dude is preventing you from going on cool dates that include eating at fancy/fun restaurants.
Also, if you want to be with someone you might eventually marry, this dude is going to die way sooner than his partner if he continues eating like this. Along the way he's going to have a lot of health issues to deal with and drain your/his bank account with medical bills.
Also, it's f*cking weird. He's a child in a man's body.
A few weeks later, the OP returnedwith a shocking update:
This update is way more dramatic and unpleasant than I had hoped but it is what it is. I read what you all wrote and I appreciate all the comments left for me. Despite a few outlandish ones, they were all very helpful and reaffirming of my beliefs that I’m not being nit picky about this issue.
I decided to give it one last shot at broaching this issue with him and letting him know how serious it was to me. He needed help and so long as I saw that he was trying that was all I asked for.
We were out to dinner (I’m sure you can all guess what we had to eat) when he brought up his trip to Germany and how he would have to find a supermarket stat in order to stock up on frozen pizzas to keep his “streak going.” I was hoping to do it after the trip so as not to ruin his good time but I figured now was as good a time as any:
Me: Maybe you don’t have to continue to the streak. Maybe you can just try new German cuisine without worrying about having to get pizza into your diet the entire time. Have you talked with your therapist about your avoidant eating?
J: No way. I have people depending on me to continue this streak. I don’t want to let them down.
Me: I don’t think anybody really cares about this streak as much as you do and frankly, I’m worried about you. This is really unhealthy and it’s consuming your life. You’re about to go on this incredible trip to Germany and the forefront of your mind is to get to a grocery store to pick up frozen pizzas. I think you really need to discuss this with your therapist again.
We had a back and forth the rest of our meal about his diet and how it was affecting our relationship. He doesn’t think it’s a problem because his health is fine (keep in mind he’s only 25) and how I was being a busy body and needed to mind my own business.
I let him know how this IS my business because it affects me. We can only go out to eat one thing, we can never have a meal at home together, and if we did decide to move forth and have children the example he is setting is awful.
We let the issue go for the rest of dinner not wanting to escalate it, and ate in silence. The plan after was to go back to his place where I would spend the night. The entire trip home he was silent but very obviously simmering while I wished I had just gone home. I should have gone home. I guess I didn’t expect the sh*tstorm that waited when I got to his place.
He flipped.
He began screaming how he was so sick of me bringing this up and how it was his life and how I couldn’t control what he did or ate. I told him I cared about him and his health and wanted him to recognize what he was doing was not healthy.
I ultimately agreed that he was right, I couldn’t control what he did or what he ate, but he can’t expect that I stick around and watch and enable him like I had been doing in the past.
It escalated from there how he had been there for me the entire time when I was an active alcoholic and through my relapses. I could not and still cannot dispute that. He was. I guess the only difference between him and I is that I wanted to change.
I acknowledged the issue and knew I could not go on like this any longer. Obviously though, it is much quicker to see the downfall of someone suffering from alcoholism vs someone who is suffering from this kind of eating disorder. One spirals much faster than the other so I was able to recognize it much quicker.
I told him I was going to leave because I couldn’t deal with this anymore. We kept fighting and fighting and he let me know he would “expose” me.
He has a blog and he told me how he would write one about what it was like to live with an alcoholic and use my name. He would be sharing it on Facebook.
I completely panicked. I cried and begged that he didn’t use my most vulnerable moments against me. He told me if I walked out he absolutely would.
That was all I needed to hear. He was going to blackmail me. I think this snapped me awake to realize this isn’t love. If I leave he’s going to humiliate me on the internet to get back at me, that absolutely isn't love.
So I left. I don’t have many possessions there but he can keep them for all I care. He emailed me a draft of the post (blocked him on everything else) and the subject was “last chance.”
Let him post it. F*ck it. I can’t control other people I can only control myself and how I react. I deactivated all my social media and I’m ready to move on with my life. It hurts that somebody I trusted so much would explicitly broadcast my past, but it’s a learning lesson. Thank you all for reading.
EDIT: I’m a total hot head and need to relax. Crazy defensive right now and wondering if I did the right thing. I apologize for lashing out.
COMMENTS
Iamacatasaurus
Honestly in “exposing” you the only thing he is really exposing is how shitty of a person he is. How would it feel to be friends with someone knowing at the drop of a hat they would tell the world your worst moments?
No one wants or needs someone like that in their life. You had an issue, you overcame it, and your life progressed. Continue that progress and be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Glad you are out of that situation and away from a toxic person.
butactuallywhytho
I would fully post a link to a screenshot of the “last chance” email to his blog and post that he used this to blackmail you, but you aren’t ashamed or afraid and his followers should know that the aim is to humiliate and control you.
Gohgie 244
I can see someone commenting on his expose post allready: 'wow thats tough why are you documenting this now that your ex is sober?'
Either its because you broke up with him, or cause you were tamperin' ith the pizza streak. Both completely unreasoblnable and anyone who asks will know that this was petty revenge.
I'd suggest reaching out to a trusted friend for damage control so that you can have time to move on from him without dealing with his shiitty facebook post.
cbun001 394
Damn girl. I hope you are Ok. Truth be told, you did dodge a big one. Sending you lots of love.
gottaluvsthesuns
Just threaten him with legal action and he’ll delete the draft. Guys a little bitch to attempt that. Glad you got out of there. Good for you go holding your ground.
If all I ate was frozen pizza for 2 years straight I wouldn’t have a fiancé, seems insignificant but my fiancé and I always say that the most underrated quality in our relationship is that we have the same taste in food, makes picking restaurants and making meals at hike enjoyable and fun rather than stressful with shit like this.