'I suspect that my new GF is only with me for my 'celebrity' status.' UPDATED
"I [27 M] am concerned that my semi-girlfriend [23 F] of a couple of months is with me for my celebrity status. I've worried about this in the past."
This is obviously a throwaway for good reason. Without going into much detail, I am an actor on a sitcom and have been for a few years. I am a supporting actor and most of you would not know my name but many would be familiar with my character. I'm certainly far from a "big deal."
I am not famous enough to be followed by paparazzi (thankfully) but am recognized regularly on the streets. I do fine financially, but I'm not Brad Pitt (I wish!), and I don't live a very high profile celebrity lifestyle. I'm happy just staying in on the weekend.
I recently met someone at a coffee shop. I sat next to her and we started chatting. She was down to earth and when she asked what I did, I told her I did some acting. Nothing uncommon around these parts.
She didn't seem to recognize me, and I didn't go into more detail. I got her number and we texted a few times. Then we met for lunch and she said something that made it clear she recognized me.
We've hung out since then several times. She wanted to introduce me to one of her friends who is a "killer fan" of the show. That had me nervous! Apparently, she is just a big fan. I didn't really like to be paraded in that way, but it was fine. That's part of my job to some extent.
The thing that is getting to me is that she often refers to me as though I am my character. For example, I might say something sarcastic and she'll say "okay [character]." I'm not on IG, but one of my friends is and he friended her. He showed me her page and she wrote, a few months ago, "OMG, I met [my name]. I think he is into me. #celebgirlfriend"
Use of hashtags aside, it started making me think she was into me from my character or to show off and not into me. This is obviously a problem in my life. I have dated two actresses, neither of who are all that famous. Both had their sights on "bigger things."
I know for a fact that at least one was using me as a way to get her name out there. It worked. I'm very happy for her. Otherwise, I am attracted to students, bartenders, baristas, etc. I tend to date around, rarely in serious relationships because I am concerned that they don't like me for me.
I play a very extroverted, confident character, but that isn't me in real life. My self-esteem is fine, but I guess I'm a bit paranoid. I feel like this girl likes me, but would she if I wasn't a minor celebrity?
Is there some way to know? Am I doomed to dating within the industry? Do most people realize that who were are as characters is not really how we are as people? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
Edit: Just to clarify, she doesn't call me by my character's name. She does talk about my character as if it is another person, but she then compares me to him. I really appreciate everything I've read so far even if I don't directly respond to it.
tl;dr: Always worried that people I date are interested in my celebrity status, but I really like the person I'm currently dating. How should I approach my concerns?
This is what people had to say to OP:
thetran94 said:
"#celebgirlfriend" Don't like her already. She's bragging. It's all one big popularity contest to her. But this is just from one instance so I'm probably wrong.
I feel like you should just get to know her more. If she doesn't have the same interest as you then I wouldn't think she's with you for who you are as a person.
sweetpea122 said:
I would tell her you're not comfortable with her announcing you on FB etc. It's a new relationship and you're not even on FB so that's pretty weird. She sounds a little immature in my opinion. I would put some space between yourselves. I dont think she's the one for you. How is the relationship otherwise?
OP responded:
Thanks. I don't know if I'd say immature, but I could see why you would say that. When we are together we tend to have excellent conversations. She is beautiful, has a good head on her shoulders, and is very understanding of my work schedule. We haven't had the talk about being exclusive, but as far as I am concerned we are.
So, yeah, it's pretty good. I feel like this is more my problem than anything she is doing, overall, but I don't know how to approach it with her without sounding like I am accusing her of something.
And random955758 said:
Fame aside, if my (semi-)SO had posted "I met a guy/girl named _____. I think he's/she's into me." publicly in the beginning of our relationship, I would find it extremely weird.
Just seems a little too... confident to me. And I wouldn't like being talked about (as a private person, not as a professional) on a platform I don't even use.
A week later, OP shared this update:
Your kindness and sage advice was overwhelming, and I apologize for not commenting more in that thread. I did, however, read all of the comments. I also apologize if I did not respond to the man PMs I received.
Several wanted to know who I was (sorry), some wanted to know about other "famous people" (probably quite a few), and I especially appreciated the messages from those of you who have been in similar positions. Same with comments to that effect.
Anyway, after thinking and reading I decided that maybe I was blowing the situation out of proportion but also that I needed to be honest about my feelings. She and I talked for a long time. I more or less told her everything that I said here.
I debated about just showing her the post but decided against it. It was a great conversation and brought us much closer together. I'm happy to say that this conversation also led to the exclusivity talk. We are officially a couple now.
A few things:
- She apologized about the Facebook post but also explained it. She said that she assumed I was just a womanizing celebrity who got numbers just for the sake of doing so. The "celebgirlfriend" thing was sarcasm, as she figured I would never contact her. I did laugh at her use of hashtags on Facebook.
- She admitted to me that it was a bit overwhelming for a while because she figured I would just date within the industry. I guess she also Googled me and saw who I have dated in the past. I assured her I don't make comparisons like that.
- She told me that the shock of things has worn off and now she just sees me as a person. She did joke about the character thing, and she said that she could never date the character I play. When she brings it up it is just some gentle ribbing. That made me feel kind of silly.
- She said what many of you said--me being in a sitcom IS who I am. She can't just ignore that, but she said she is much more excited about the production work than any of the acting. She wants to know how things work. Me being an actor to her is not all that different than anything else, but she warned me that many of her friends might see it differently.
Some already want to know if I'll introduce them to celebrities I've never met and probably will never met. If I did, I'd probably be in shock. When they realize how little of a deal I am, then I think we can easily blend our friend groups and whatnot.
A couple of you mentioned dating down, etc. She also informed me that she has two job offers for when she graduates at large firms. One is here and the other is in Portland. As of right now her plan is to stay here, and I factor into that.
I am not looking at her as the person I am going to marry. Could she be? Yes. Then again, so could a lot of people in my past and my future. Instead, I am going to enjoy the ride. She was mature and did a lot of assuage my concerns. She even told me she thought I was using her for access to the university's library. Ha.
She's beautiful, and so it seems, she does like me for me. Who knows where this will lead, but I sincerely appreciate all of the comments. They helped me to organize my thoughts and to just say, "To hell with it," and actually talk to her.
tl;dr: You all are great, I followed much of your advice, and now my girlfriend and I are on the same page on our relationship and my celebrity status.