Man busts GF for lying about going to yoga classes, secretly going to see ' some freaky witch girl.' AITA? + UPDATE
"I [28M] know my GF [28F] is not telling the truth about going to yoga classes."
throwawaybecausegfha
Sorry for the English, not my first language!
Okay, I am hoping that someone will just tell me I am stressing out about nothing.
Short background story:
Me [M28] living together with my GF [F28] for about a year or so, together for 4. We both have a good relationship and nothing out of the ordinary. I work at a delivery company that does express deliveries all over the province I live in. Because we have Express-shifts we have to take a delivery van home everyday.
We can also use this van for private trips. The company sometimes has to deliver very expensive goods; therefore, the vans are equipped with a GPS tracker that can locate the van at any given time.
A few months ago my GF started taking yoga classes in the evening. So when we both got back from work, we would eat and (In case I was not on Express-shift) she could take the van to her yoga class.
We live very close to a border (Europe has open borders, yay!), but we can only go to other countries with permission of the company (It’s an insurance thing as far as I understand).
Last week my supervisor told me that in 9 cases my van was in the neighboring country in the evening without permission. This was very odd, because she told me where she had the Yoga classes and this was definitely not out of the country.
I knew I couldn’t go out of the country so I am sure I didn’t. I didn’t tell my supervisor about the yoga thing, but I asked him for the exact locations so I could take a look at it.
What I found out was:
All the 9 times where exactly the times she had taken the van. Retracing Whatsapp times from the “On my way!” to the time of departure are a match.
I got home that day and decided I was not going to ask her upfront. However, I did ask her where she had the yoga classes and she said the same place as last time. So she is basically denying that she was in another country.
During the evening I made up a BS story that a coworker got in trouble for driving over the border without permission. She seemed a bit shocked or somewhat but did not give any ordinary response or anything.
The address I have is just a parking spot in some neighborhood. I drove there last night with my private car to see if I could find anything but it’s just houses and a park. A quick Google search shows no yoga things anywhere around.
I could follow her the next time she has yoga class, just to see where she is going and then confront her afterwards. Or should I just tell her right now? This is all really stressing me out at the moment. Any advice would be great!
I will give an update as soon as I have confronted her. This will only be possible on Friday (Night shifts etc). I've read all you comments and I would like to highlight / clarify some of those:
In my country a car is either insured or it's not. Anyone can drive it as long as there is insurance on the car. There are a few scenario's which I can find in the comments.
I know I am hoping its not cheating, but I think that is the most obvious. She has used some substances in the past (recreational), but has not done this anymore for a long time.
I would highly doubt she would hide it from me if she was using drugs, since she told me about her dark past in the very beginning of the relationship and she is very open about it. She also doesn't look any different as normal. This also makes me think that smuggling across the border is highly unlikely.
I know everybody is telling me not to be a detective, but I wan't to confront her face to face which is only possible on Friday. In the mean time, I have been doing some detective work to kill the time.
What I have found out is that she has 2 girls in her Facebook friends list that live in this village where she has been going. I do not know them, nor has she ever spoken to me about them.
I managed to pinpoint the exact address of one of these girls and they pretty much match with the location the GPS pointed out (Don't worry I will not go there, I can just use this is she would deny anything). I will give an update as soon as I have confronted her!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's original post:
martindtoha
I'd just tell her: "My boss just scolded me for having the van leave the country. I don't know where you're going, or who you're seeing, but I know that you're lying about the yoga classes and that your actions may cause me to lose my job. I can't let you use the van anymore and I deserve to know who you have been visiting that needs you to park in a parking lot in X country."
Here's why: She's lied. You can either drag this out and play games, or confront her respectfully and give her a chance to tell you what's going on. Worst case scenario, she's cheating on you and willing to have you lose your job. Best case, she's lying about something else.
beejeans13
Well said. Why risk your job? You're going to get in trouble by allowing her to continue to cross borders in your van.
arcxiii
Stop playing detective and tell her you know she has been lying and you know where she has been going. Ask her to explain herself. Trust your gut and whether or not she is being honest with you. Don't wait and follow her, you've already caught her lying to you multiple times. You don't need more proof that she is untrustworthy.
One week later, the OP returned with their promised update.
throwawaybecausegfha
Sorry for the late update, but I needed some time to think things through. She got home on Friday and I confronted her with the fact that the van had been abroad without permission and that it had to be her that was driving there. She straight up said she indeed went abroad, but she didn’t know I could get in trouble for it. I asked her to explain why she was lying about going there.
She decided to do yoga because she has had some back issues from her past. However, she knew a girl (the one abroad in her Facebook) that was all spiritual and could heal her by doing a few sessions at her home. She knows I think this is BS, so she decided to tell me that she was going for yoga classes, but instead went to this spiritual girl.
I was kind of confused because I expected something entirely different to be going on. I was also having troubles believing her. She insisted I went with her on Saturday to see that nothing weird was going on. So, I did…
This girl did some weird meditation, drew some cards and did some other witchcraft nonesense. My GF then had to pay 45 euros for this. I kept my cool, but to be honest, I am angry at this girl.
The only thing she does is sell hope to desperate people. People with real issues, that need to get real medical attention. Our way home was pretty…. Awkward. I didn’t know what to say.
We talked yesterday and I explained to her that I was angry because of the fact that she had to lie about something like this. She said she was afraid of my response and just wanted to see if this could help. I told her that she can do whatever she wants, except lie about it. She promised me she would never do this again.
I am still really confused about all this. I think she is wasting money and instead of throwing it at some freaky witch girl she could be investing it in things that would actually improve her back. On the other hand, I am glad she is not cheating. I was almost certain this had to be the case. Anyway, thanks for your responses! Great help!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
starfire5105
I can't believe I'm actually relieved to read a story where they're not secretly cheating or gambling or something.
squiddishly
Speaking as someone with chronic pain, sometimes the placebo effect/reassurance that SOMEONE is taking you seriously, even if it’s in a weird way is better than nothing.
Refflet
"GF was visiting a witch, too scared to tell me" needs to be a flair.