Man upset when GF ignores his calls for two days, learns it's because she's now paralyzed. UPDATED
"My girlfriend has not texted me in over 2 days."
To start things off, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. Right now, I live in City A and she lives in City B. About 3 months ago, she moved to a City B for a job offer. Right now, I live in City A, where we lived together. But, I will be moving in 1.5 months to City B (a colleague recruited me to his company when my girlfriend moved to City B).
Prior to her moving, my girlfriend and I always tried to play a round of chess against each other every day. Since she moved, we have been playing chess against each other (online obviously). We normally do a couple moves a day during the weekdays and finish it during the weekend.
But, she has not done her move in 2 days. That's fine, work may be busy, as has happened before, to both of us. But, she usually texts me when she can't and always texts me to do my move. She hasn't called, texted, or emailed me in 2 days. Social media has no activity either.
I am beginning to get concerned because it is not like her to have no contact for this long. I texted her sister a few hours ago and asked her if she had heard from (girlfriend), but no response yet. Her sister lives a couple hours away. Am I just overreacting and making something out of nothing? I hope I am. Or do I continue to reach out?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
It’s really strange her sister wouldn’t answer too. Are you sure you guys aren’t in a fight?
Complete_Mountain_78 (OP)
We haven't had a fight, nor are we in one (our last fight was over 2 years ago). I actually flew out to visit her a couple weeks ago.
First you need to contact one of her family members to check that she is OK. If she is, then you have to accept that she does not want to call you.
This could be her ghosting you, but I'm also worried she could be in trouble (abducted, in the hospital, whatever). Can you call her company and ask if she's been in? Awkward I know, but makes sense.
It's also possible to ask police in another city to do a welfare check, but be prepared for them to downplay your concerns. You can call hospitals if you really want to. I'm guessing, since you're not married, she wouldn't have had a card on her person saying to call you in case of emergency. Her parents?
Over a day of no contact is enough to make me worry. When that happens I usually call my SO just so I know if the phone is ringing (and you’d find out if your calls will get rejected or sent to voicemail). Text won’t really guarantee a quick response, but calling her is better. Go for it.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
So... let's just say the outcome is not good. I would have rather anything else happened but this.
She was in a bad car crash.
Her sister had my old phone number (I changed phones a couple months ago) so I did not receive any of her calls. And when I texted/called her, they just went to spam. So, she messaged me on LinkedIn.
She told me that my girlfriend was in a car crash and is in the hospital right now. She was in and out of consciousness for about 3.5ish days. My girlfriend just woke up and became somewhat alert this morning. I called her and she seemed like her normal joking self - she told me to sell our shiba inu coins that we bought as a joke.
Her sister said my girlfriend said she can't feel her legs so the doctors are going to do scans and tests. But other than some scratches/bruises and some sore spots, she has a sprained wrist. I saw the pictures and its a miracle she is not dead. The car is gone. I liked that car, it was a nice car.
I am flying out tomorrow morning to visit her.
I am just in shock. I don't know what to think.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
That's awful! Best of luck to the two of you, and hopefully she makes a full recovery.
"The car is gone. I liked that car, it was a nice car."
That car saved her.
If OP didn't already state he was in shock, that sentence would have confirmed it.
That must have been one of the worst feelings. Hopefully everything works out in the end.
I hope she has a speedy recovery... not being able to feel her legs sounds....worrisome, but I am sure there are plenty of experts working hard to figure out how to move forward. My daughter wasxin a horrifying car accident as a passenger in 2012. She was 16.
She was in a coma for a week, had massive internal injuries, broken back, brain injuries, etc.. it was BAD.. within 6 months, she was 80% better and now, it is all just a distant memory. At the time, doctors weren't sure she would live..point being....even if things seem scary right now, the human body has an amazing capacity to heal.
Four days later, the OP returned with a final update.
My girlfriend was recently in a car crash and the outcome is not good. The doctors ran their tests and scans. The results of those scans, not good. Her spinal cord was damaged in the T10 and it is a grade A.
Which means she is paralyzed from the waist area down with no function. This is a huge life changing thing for her. Before, she was a model, we played golf and tennis, ran, hiked and traveled a lot. How do I support her through this?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I feel for the woman. A total life shift like that is hard no matter how much you make/made before. Having 7 figure income probably doesn't hurt though.
How convenient that the life altering crash is cushioned by a dual middle 7 figure income and both people being in their mid twenties.
You're the guy that couldn't locate his girlfriend for two days. I remember your story. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, and, of course, your girlfriend. You're a wonderful man for staying by her side. I don't know what else to say to you, I don't have any advice, but all I can say is that I appreciate your unconditional love for your girlfriend.
Hey, kid of a paralized dad here. My dad was in a road accident, too when he was 27yo and is paralized pretty much from his bellybutton downwards. The scars the Opa rations left and the obvious impact on his life really hit him hard back then.
One of the worst things he sais that happened in that time were that only his youngest brother came to visit regularly, he felt really alone. All his hobbies were shattered along with his back and only his younger brother came to care.
His girlfriend at this time came in once to tell him, that this is all too much for her to bear, so she left him. The fist months he was incapable of doing anything alone and he hated it. He hated the pity he saw in people's eyes, and he hated what his life was now. So he changed it.
For now all you can do for her is be there. When she has a good day, you can show her what wheelchair users are capable of. Aren Fotheringham is a good example for this, but even on the lesser extreme side of things, with just a few adjustments a wheelchair user can do just about everything anyone can. Just differently.
When you get out of the hospital help her do the paperwork. Collect and bring papers whenever possible, so she doesn't have to be confronted with things she cannot overcome just yet like stairs or even elevators, when she is in a lying down wheelchair, as my dad had to be a few weeks after surgeries.
When she gets fit enough to sit again make sure she gets a good wheelchair. Those are her legs. Don't save on that. If you need help on what to look out for regarding wheelchair fit dm me, I worked for a company that handbuild tailored wheelchairs, as does my dad.
I can imagine getting back into tennis or golf could be either very good or very bad. You know your girlfriend better to know what type of person she is. But as she obviously likes sports, try and find a sport she enjoys.
Almost all sports are with a few rule adjustments possible to do from a wheelchair. And most importantly: Don't help her go through her day. Help her figuring out how to do so herself.
I grew up with a wheelchair as a hobby. My dad taught me how to balance it on two wheels, how to get up curbs, how to ride escalators, how to go down stairs. As long as something is not out of reach, or to small for her wheelchair to fit, she can learn how to do everything her daily life might throw at her.