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Groom abruptly cancels honeymoon and threatens divorce after wife's behavior at wedding. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.

Groom abruptly cancels honeymoon and threatens divorce after wife's behavior at wedding. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.


When this groom is so upset with his "playful" wife on their wedding day, he asks Reddit:

"AITAH for canceling our honeymoon and considering divorce after what wife did "playfully" at our wedding?"

I 24M recently got married this last week to my wife 24F (ex?) lets call her Sarah. Me and my wife have been together for 4 years and have only had one major issue.

My wife is a drinker, she only drinks about once a week, but usually drinks way more than she can handle. when we first got together I realized she has a habit of making out with random women when she is drunk.

Now I don't think this is sexy or exciting, I myself am Bisexual and I view this as cheating.

After the second time I caught her about a few months into dating I sat her down and told her that absolutely would not be Ok as long as we were in a committed relationship, It took many conversations for her to understand that I was serious and viewed it as cheating.

She promised to stop but insists that she didn't cheat. She was good about cutting back on drinking and being more mindful of me, however, over the years I caught her kissing 2 other women, Once a random acquaintance and the last time about 2 years ago was with her best friend turned maid of honor Brooke 24F.

Important piece of information after I caught her the last time I had a complete and total breakdown, and it took her coming to my therapy sessions and couples counseling for her understand how badly she hurt me. I told her if it ever happens again regardless of the circumstances I was out.

This brings us to Present, the wedding day comes around and it was perfect, happiest day of our lives and what not. Then the reception. We of course got pretty drunk, not black out or belligerent, but definitely drunk.

At some point my wife asked me to get her pair of comfortable shoes, On my way Back I see my wife with Brookes tongue down her throat in the middle of the dance floor with her other brides maids.

I stomped my way into the reception Pushed Brooke out of the way and said something along the lines of "what the f are you doing". At this point everyone stopped and looked at us and I just threw the shoes and walked out. Sarah chased me out balling historically. AITA?

Before we provide OP's MAJOR UPDATE, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

indie50 writes:

"after I caught her the last time I had a complete and total breakdown, ... I told her if it ever happens again regardless of the circumstances I was out."

So she chooses your wedding day to do it again - with the same person that caused such a problem before. How was she at the wedding, never mind in the wedding party? And then said you're the one to make a scene? Like no one saw them making out on the dance floor?

Also...What are the chances that that this has not been going on a lot in between? Sorry, but I'd make a large wager that they've been cheating all along. And not just kissing. I think your wife forgot who she married.

Either way, she was warned. NTA if you end the marriage. And probably a wise choice. "We of course got pretty drunk..."

Why "of course?" Maybe it's an age thing? But I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom got "pretty drunk." They've generally stayed relative sober. Maybe a little tipsy. And especially with the wife being known to not be able to hold her liquor.

I'm not sure what the current rules are for annulments and consummation (or other reasons), since most people consummate before the wedding, but maybe that would be an option instead of a full blown divorce since the marriage is of such short duration.

dmspiders writes:

YTA for marrying her and expecting different. That's on you for ignoring the continued red flags. That being said, NTA for standing your ground on something you and her have clearly gone through the ringer on. Hopefully you didn't sign the marriage certificate yet.

daphydoods writes:

Some people don’t believe that a drunken make out between friends is cheating, seems like your wife is one (and that’s usually okay!) But the important thing is that you, one half of the relationship, do consider it cheating. You expressed your views and she went against them at your wedding. That’s beyond f-d up.

In the future, consider actually setting a boundary earlier, after the first time it happens. “If you make out with a woman, I am leaving you” and you stick with it. Merely asking somebody to not make out with someone is a request, and we cannot control other people.

They either respect the request or don’t. It’s up to us to uphold our own boundaries. I’m not trying to blame you at all, but I think a lot of people need to be reminded of what boundaries actually are and how to enforce them. NTA, btw. I’m sorry this happened to you.

pandamine531 writes:

ESH. Do not marry someone without being on the same page about something as important as the definition of cheating/infidelity. I see so many posts that come down to couples having different criteria for this.

At least you had the conversation, unlike many, but clearly were not in agreement. Why marry someone with such a major difference unresolved?

nashwalker writes:

I'm happily married for 37 years. We've seen a lot of marriages fail over the years. We've got friends that have had happy successful marriages.

The ones that succeed over time are when two people love each other for who they are and allow each other to be who they truly are in their nature. Your wife likes to kiss girls when she's drunk.

That may be it, She may like to roll around naked with them, maybe she has, maybe it will develop into that, maybe it won't. You say you're bi, marriage is for the rest of your life.

What are you going to do in 10 or 20 years when you are just aching for some d? Throw away you're 18 year marriage, destroy your life, kids lives, your wife's life because you're dying to get railed just one more time?

If you truly love this woman you two need to go away on your honeymoon and get serious about who you both are in your true natures, and come up with a plan to allow each other to be true to who you both are in reality, not some imaginary life of 40 years together based on lying to each other about your wants, needs, and desires.

If you don't love who she is, why would you want to spend your life forcing her to be who she isn't? Why would you want her to restrict your true nature?

Seriously f every one else in the world and their bullshit rules and fears. Really love each other and prioritize what the two of you love about each other and develop a plan that will allow you both to flex and grow and stay best friends and partners as you travel the long and winding road that is life.

If you really LOVE her, if she really LOVES you, you two have a huge opportunity to figure out a set of vows between you that means 40 years from now you are still best friends and still in LOVE with each other and who you each develop into.

Or you can be all butt hurt she is who she is, and your jealousy and fear can end this amazing opportunity to have a life together; understanding who you both really are. 40 years from now you'll have changed, she'll have changed, Do you want vows that are prison bars or wings you two can fly on?

Let's see what OP did AFTER the incident; he details his revenge in the following update:

Since this has I happened I canceled our tickets and hotel reservation for our honeymoon, and I am strongly considering divorce. My lovely wife has gone from begging to crying to name calling.

She ultimately decided I was a massive Asshole for embarrassing her at our wedding and throwing away our relationship over nothing. I think i'm just done this time. She's hurt me so many times and can't even see what she's doing wrong. So AITAH?

Wife has a history of making out with other women when drunk, promised to stop but then kissed her maid of honor at our wedding.

Readers continued to weigh in:

ladybits writes:

You have two choices. Accept that your wife likes to make out with woman when she drinks or end the relationship. Why did you ever married her when it’s clear this is who she is and how she will behave? You made that choice to marry her when she has shown you over and over this is what she will do.

Accept it or break up. Those are your choices. Running away and canceling tickets was a childish thing to do. Throw as many tantrums as you want but your wife will continue to drink and make out with women. The only thing that will stop it if she gives up drinking.

So, is OP NTA for sure in this situation? Could he have been overreacting or is his wife in the wrong here? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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