'AITA for expecting certain treatment at my girlfriend's family's house?'
"AITA for expecting certain treatment at my girlfriend's family's house?"
My girlfriend (33F) and I (38M) have been together for a year. She comes from an old fashioned European household, so family dinners are a must. I am not used to the dynamic since my family takes turns with hosting meals, and makes sure everyone feels welcome.
It is important to know that I suspect I have a dairy allergy. Her family uses a lot of cheese-laden dishes and desserts with dairy, whereas when I go to my stepmom's, I can expect foods that do not trigger my allergen.
When my girlfriend invites me to her apartment, she will sometimes cook for me. While she is a fantastic cook (seafood, chicken, soups, stir fry), I admit that I am skeptical that she always makes me things without dairy. I can't check the packages on what she uses because the jar or the box is already in the trash.
Last weekend was her nephew's birthday and I refused to eat the cake. It was taken a bit offensively, but we moved on from it. Later I asked my girlfriend - out of earshot of her parents - what was on the menu for the holidays. She answered turkey for Thanksgiving, plus sides and desserts, and that every year for Christmas her grandmother makes lasagna and serves cheesecake for dinner. I felt my face fall.
I told my girlfriend I could not eat any of those foods. She said I am welcome to bring any foods that I wish to. My response was that guests shouldn't be asked to bring food when there is an invitation. That's when she snapped at me and told me that I 'needed to get it straight what exactly I was allergic to'.
She pointed out how she has to guide me at restaurants about what is and is not a dairy derivative. And that she's embarrassed when it turns out that I ordered something with dairy, and the server has to throw it away.
She even asked me how certain I was that I don't eat dairy with the amount of frozen, prepackaged meals I stock my freezer with. I was angry that I was basically being called a liar and she was implying that my allergy is fake. The rest of the night was tense, to say the least, and she hasn't invited me to her apartment at all this week.
Am I an a**@ole for asking for a reasonable accommodation and doubling down?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
gertyorkes says:
YTA. Dude, I’m a vegan, and I regularly bring my own dishes to events so I know I’ll have something to eat. Your offense of “guests shouldn’t have to bring food!!” is incredibly entitled. Plus, how do you not take the time to research dairy derivatives if you’re allergic?
AdvantageOdd says:
'Guests shouldn't have to bring food!' That got me too. What a self-centered wanker. Didn't he ever hear guests should never come empty handed?
Icy-Lychee-8077 says:
Last time I checked, turkey isn’t dairy…
Datasciguy2023 says:
He isn't even sure he is allergic to dairy.
ForeverStrangeMoe says:
Youre a liar and your allergy is fake