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Guy's friends convince him his girlfriend is a 'gold digger' so he asks her to pay rent.

Guy's friends convince him his girlfriend is a 'gold digger' so he asks her to pay rent.


AITA for moving out because I don’t want to help my bf out with the rent?

My boyfriend(26M) and I(24F) have been together for 3 years. We live in NYC and he makes over $200k/year, while I’m studying for my masters in social work and have no income.

Right now I’m doing an unpaid, yearlong internship 3 days/week, as well as classes 2 days/week. It’s rare to get a paid internship in social work, plus internships are mandatory.

I spend 12 hours everyday either working, studying, commuting, or in class. My only free days are on weekends so I have no time for a paid job. My mom helps me financially by paying for my metrocard and healthcare expenses, but for everything else I rely on loans.

Before I moved in with my boyfriend there was a roach infestation in my apartment so I'd stay over at his place a lot. My lease was ending soon so he asked me if I wanted to live with him. At first I joked with him that his living standards would go down since I can’t afford a nice place, but he insisted on paying the rent until I finish grad school, then we would split the rent based on income.

I originally wanted to live in a cheaper place in Queens or Brooklyn, but my boyfriend likes his current place and insisted I move in since he would be the one paying the rent. So I moved into his $5k/month luxury condo in the city this August.

All of a sudden my boyfriend recently started asking me to pay half the rent ($2.5k/month). I was confused because he was the one who wanted to pay the rent in full. Apparently he was talking to his friends and they all think its weird that I don’t pay rent and that I was a gold digger.

I let my boyfriend know that I can’t afford $2.5k/month and he said I was “leeching” off of him, so I told him that he should find someone within his social class so he doesn’t have to worry about a gold digger like me leeching off of him. I stayed at my friends place for a few days while figuring out what to do.

I called my mom about my situation and she is willing to help me out but the maximum she can afford for rent is $800. I found some places in Queens within the price range, less than 15 min away from the city and a bus ride away from my school so I went to check them out a couple days ago. I’ve been texting the landlord and my new roommates and I already signed the lease.

I told my boyfriend about my new place and he got upset and asked me to stay. He said that he was willing to accept $800/month instead of $2.5k/month if thats all I can afford, but I told him I don’t want him changing his mind again and demanding more money from me in the future.

He lived in this condo alone for several years, so it’s not like he can’t afford to live there without my help. I wouldn’t mind splitting rent with him, but I would have to live in a more affordable place outside of Manhattan like I originally wanted.

Apparently some of our “mutual friends” think I’m being unreasonable for moving out instead of talking to him and staying by paying the amount I can afford in rent, and that I shouldn’t have let him pay my portion of the rent.

Comments and an update:


NTA! They think you’re being unreasonable? That’s rich. He literally convinced you to move into his apartment, turning down your offers to find a cheaper place so you could contribute.

The fact that his friends see you as a gold digger and don’t appear to know the full story (the fact that you offered to pay and to find a cheaper place and he insisted otherwise) is also a red flag to me and makes me question how he talks about you to his friends.

Definitely NTA and I would question why you would want to date someone who is so easily influenced by his friends uninformed opinions of you.

veroaf says:

Srsly. He needed to tell his friends: 'you don't know her. She's not a gold digger. I'm the one who asked her to move in and that I would pay the rent until she finishes grad school.' The fact that he didn't is prolly cause he partially believes them.

I'm with OP. He moved the goal posts twice already and is messing with her life. She should keep her independence.

Apprehensive-hippos says:

I also would like to add that unpaid internships are bullshit. Absolute. F**king. Bullshit.

idiotrichboyfriend OP responded:

Unfortunately in the US a paid internship in social work is extremely rare. The normalization of unpaid internships is actually a major issue and students are finally starting to advocate for compensation through movements like Payments for Placement. I only know a handful of people in my cohort who have paid field placements.

KaliTheBlaze says:

NTA. Be very concerned that instead of talking to you about something that bothered him, he talked to his friends and they convinced him you were a gold digger.

idiotrichboyfriend update from OP:

Yes i did dump him. i blocked him and his idiot friends on everything. My friends also blocked him since he tried to contact me through them. i'm going to enjoy being single and never relying on a man financially ever again.

Sources: Reddit
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