Woman asks BF to work on hygiene; finds out he's 'cleansing' with her hippie friend. UPDATED
"WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend because of his hygiene?"
I (24f) am too old for this. I am not a clean freak either. I met my boyfriend 6 months ago. He was a little hippy which I didn't mind. So, a little about him. He is a hardcore vegan. He is someone you can call an environmentalist. He thinks a lot about the environment.
He only buys clothes from shops that are locally owned. He is big on recycling things. He doesn't use toothpaste but a meswak. He is also anti-shave, though he trims his beard. So ever since I was with him, I always had this hunch that he is not washing properly.
We do not live together. So, I am not at his house as often. He always smells like spices so I had no idea his hygiene was so bad until now.
I mean I noticed it. He never shaved down there. I always had a funky smell from his junk. He doesn't have cleaning supplies in his house. I asked about it and he said he doesn't use chemicals that will harm the environment.
He uses vinegar and lemon to clean stuff. It was odd but I get it. I let it slide though it should have been my first red flag. Now, I have come to the last straw. Last night, when I was in his place, I was using the bathroom.
After I was done, I didn't see toilet paper. This is one thing I used to be glad that he kept in his house, thought I am someone who prefers a bidet.
I asked him to give me some toilet paper because he ran out. He told me he threw away all the toilet rolls because they clog the draining system and go to the ocean which then causes toxicity in fishes plus it wastes money to make toilet paper.
I asked him then what does he uses to wipe himself. He told me he has switched to reusable toilet paper a month ago. He just uses these and throws them in the washing machine. I wanted to vomit there. I am thinking about ending things because, I cannot deal with this thing my entire life. Am I wrong?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
ILikeYourMomAndSis
6 MONTHS? I wouldn't even last 6 weeks. NAH. Hygiene is a deal breaker for me. Girl, what were you thinking?
GreenTravelBadger
My mister doesn't shave down there, either. Pubic hair is not inherently filthy, and soap is a thing that exists. But a funky smell? no no no no no no no noooooo.
Kristylane
Soap. Soap has saved millions of lives. Soap is not a “chemical” that will “destroy the environment” It’s soap and you use it to clean yourself and other stuff.
jrm1102
NAH - but like, 6 months? You dated this guy for 6 months and now youre finally realizing this aint for you? If he wants to be the greenest human being alive, and subsequently smell like ass, thats his prerogative. But you dont have to date anyone you dont want.
toriori12
He had a funky smell coming from his junk and you let that slide????! Ikyfl. NTA, but goodness the bar is in hell for men if we’re letting sh*t like basic hygiene slide.
6 days later, the OP returned with an update:
Hi, I just wanted you guys to know I broke up with Mr.ResuableToiletPaper. I know a lot of have advised me to talk it through. I realized the issue is not just toilet paper. It's everything. I am a bit of uptight person but he is not.
We are two different people. Every time I am with him, I always have to eat vegan food out of fear that I will offend him. I love meat. Sorry vegans. But that's just my lifestyle. So, I broke it off with him. He was sad.
He cried and told me he will never forget me and I was the one and only person who had 'spiritual purity' in me. I don't know what that means but it is over. I wish it was over then and there until yesterday when I visited my friend Gaby's house. When she saw me at the door she looked like a deer in headlights.
She is also a bit of hippie but nothing like my ex. I noticed there was a strange lemony smell along with an herbal smell. Then, I saw my ex was zoned out on her couch. He waved 'hi' to me. My friend told me she found him being sad in our usual hangout spot, he was singing a sad song. Long story short, they are obviously sleeping together.
Furthermore, they are sleeping together because he needs 'healing'. Apparently, he was so emotional and depressed that he had to sleep with my friend to cleanse my memories. I am done. I am not mad but I do not trust Gaby anymore.
She and Mr.ReusableToiletPaper can live happily every after with their stinky unvaccinated babies for all I care. But I am questioning my friendship with Gaby now. I am fine, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I can go back to eating steaks and chicken without worrying.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest updated from the OP:
HarveySnake
The way he cleans himself sounds like he would have given you a UTI or STI eventually just because of his awful hygiene downstairs. I think the meanest thing you can do to Gaby is encourage her to continue that relationship with your ex. 'spiritual purity' hahahahaha
Funny story: my older sister got involved in a really weird church in the Tampa Florida area which was a mix of Christianity and various mysticism beliefs (tarot cards and voodoo rituals).
At one point she thought her apartment had 'angry spirit' afflicting it and she paid one of the church members to 'purify and cleanse' the place, and this included scrubbing the walls with a mix of 'blessed water', bleach, and various herbs.
Thankfully she quit that church, but I kept ribbing her about her using 'new and improved spirit cleaner now with extra ghost-away' for a few years.
miladyelle
They f*^$#ng make vegan toiletries and vegan cleaning products, god darn it.
Not even getting into the toilet paper thing. I’ll just start making jokes about the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.
Small_Ostrich6445
Reusable toilet paper is on the same level as cloth diapers. It isn't as simple as 'just toss it in the washer' though...and if that's what he's doing...eek. It also needs to be followed up with a bidet, or wipes, just like you would do for a baby.
Vinegar and lemon, also not gonna knock him for that. I do the same, except mine also have alcohol in them. However, junk should not smell. Ever. Ever.
Knowing how to clean yourself is crucial to being an adult and he obviously did not pick up on that. It's one thing to be environmentally friendly, vegan, extremely low waste but it's a whole different story to be a dirty human being. Nope from me.
daydreammuse
Good luck to Gaby with them hairy, funky balls and dingleberries, cause you know there will BE dingleberries.
rythmicjea
LMAO when I read 'spiritual purity' I INSTANTLY knew that he was going to turn around and bang someone else.