Homophobes' wedding implodes when bi brother reveals why he's not there. UPDATE.
On Reddit's r/BestofRedditorUpdates, a story of one man who found himself uninvited from his own brother's wedding. This is not one big happy family.
'I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brother's wife's family with one innocent text message.'
So my brother's wedding happened two days ago. And it turned into a complete chaos which I know even though I wasn't there. You might wonder why I didn't attend the wedding if its my brother's.
Well its because of his wife's family. He did send me an invitation to the wedding because he wanted me there but his fiance told him I couldn't attend because I had a boyfriend.
You might be confused. But I'm a man. A bisexual man to be exact and I have a boyfriend who I wanted to bring to the wedding.
She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding and cause trouble between our families.
After she told him that my brother told me I couldn't attend and told me why. You might think I was angry. The truth is I was relieved. I hate going to big events with lots of people because of my social anxiety and I already was used to not being able to attend certain events because of my sexuality so it was nothing I haven't heard before.
So at the day of the wedding I stayed at home with my boyfriend. Its worth mentioning my parents apparently didn't know I wasn't attending the wedding. I was chillin' at home cuddling with my boyfriend when I suddenly got a text message from my parents asking me where I was because they couldn't find me at the wedding party.
I told them I wasn't attending the wedding and if my brother hasn't told them anything. They said no and asked me what happened.
I didn't see any reason to lie so I sent them a text message telling them exactly why. Now I have to admit I don't exactly know what happened after I sent them this message because they read it but didn't reply. And why do they care in the first place?
They didn't notice I wasn't there before until the wedding was already over. They only noticed when the wedding party started.
However. Apparently my parents talked to my brother about it and all of a sudden my absence was the main topic of the wedding party.
From what I heard, two fronts formed. On the one hand, my parents and the rest of my family — against the family of my brother's wife. And apparently he, as a husband now, felt compelled to take her side and tried to argue in her favor.
It's crazy to think that I was just sitting at home living my best life with my boyfriend while all of that shit went down at his wedding. The wedding party was ruined and my brother appeared at my door angrily screaming at me why I felt the need to ruin his wedding.
I was confused and asked him what happened and he told me everything. I told him it wasn't my intention. I just told our parents what happened because they didn't know and wanted to know where I was and I thought he told them beforehand.
He screamed at me that I ruined his wedding. I told him it's not my fault he wasn't honest with them. I just respected their wish to not attend the wedding. I couldn't know it would go down like this because, like I said ,I couldn't attend several events before because of my sexuality and my parents never said anything about it — so I thought it would be the same thing here.
But I gotta admit it's kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. That's a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party.
Here's how commenters reacted to the original post.
YourMom_Infinity
You didn’t do anything. You just explained the situation. Every action following that was a grown adult choosing their own actions.
Checco314
It's not your job to hide the s*&*y things he does. It's his job not to do s***y things.
ThatGirlS1988
You didn't ruin the party though, did you? You didn't turn up anyway and make a huge scene because you weren't allowed to bring the plus one of your choice. You were told you couldn't attend and why and you didn't attend.
The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who. Well done to your parents for standing up for you. Some of us should be so lucky.
Sensitive-Medium-367
I have a gay son and I would scorch the earth if anyone tried to leave him out of a family event or anything else because of his sexuality, I'd be really ashamed of my other kids if they let their partners to this
SamuelVimesTrained
You did NOT ruin the party.
The homophobic (or bi phobic?) (beep) did.
You did not lie, you did not find excuses - you were honest.
Basically bro married into a bunch of religious nuts - and has no problems with that. His choice just bit him in the backside.
A coupe days later, OP returned with an update.
Didn't think I'd give an update but many interesting things happened.
So after my brother's visit his wife and him went on honeymoon. The wedding party might have been even worse than I imagined, but what happened now is incredible. When I said in the main post that two fronts had formed, I only meant that metaphorically, of course, but it's no longer that.
While nothing much interesting happened in the first two days, afterwards the terror started as soon as my brother and his wife went on their honeymoon.
My mom and my dad visited me and told me how the wedding party escalated and they were so close to physical violence. I thought it was funny at first but this truly bothers me. I also wanna point that you did a great job at convincing me it's not my fault but hearing my parents side still gave me a bad feeling in my stomach.
However like I said the terror started shortly after they went to their honeymoon. And when I say terror I mean that my SIL's family found both my facebook and instagram account and started spamming me with hateful messages.
I received insults and hateful messages from various different accounts who all had one thing in common. They all had somewhat of a Christian theme and all of them had the same last name.
So it wasn't hard to find out whose accounts it was. Mainly because I don't know my SIL's family at all. I only know her and I know her parents were homophobic Christians.
But whatever. They not only started attacking me they also found the account of my boyfriend over my account because we're linked as a couple and started to send him the same messages. The messages contained on one side typical bigot stuff like: "you're burning in hell for your sins."
One even called me and my boyfriend "two devils in disguise." The other side were just blatant insults. You get the idea. I called my parents and told them what they are doing.
Then I sent a text message to my brother with screenshots of the messages his wife's family sent me to which he replied that I "shouldn't disturb him with that during his honeymoon as I already destroyed his wedding party."
I couldn't believe it. He was just like them. He did sent me an apology AFTER my mom told me she called him. But none of this is the main reason I'm giving you this update this early.
Because I got a call this morning from an unknown number. I hesitated because I thought it was one of them. And I was right but it was none of the people who insulted me. I heard a woman's voice who introduced herself as the half sister of my brother's wife.
She said it didn't go unnoticed what her family was doing and she wanted to apologize for them.
I told her I'm not going to tell anyone in her family about this and that I don't blame her for her family's actions. She thanked me and hung up. I don't know why but I have this feeling she only did this to protect her family from being reported.
My mother wrote to me earlier that she wants to report the insults and the harassment of these people and that she demands for my brother to divorce his wife or she will disinherit him from her will because "that's not how she raised him."
A little radical in my opinion but I understand where she's coming from.
This entire thing escalated so much its unbelievable. Thank y'all for your support on my first post.
Here were the responses to the first update.
MistyMountainTimes
Can't wait for the next update.
Let your mom be mama bear. You two really could be in danger given how these people are acting. Your brother needs a serious wakeup call.
Stay safe OP, I'd start keeping some pepper spray on you.
Laughter_corgis
Can you report them on Facebook and Instagram? I keep screen shots of everything and document it incase you need to have to file harassment charges down the line -I even keep that phone number from the apologetic caller.
FarahSter
Your are still not guilty for any of this.
SIL' Family are angry about a group of people existing. That's a them-problem.
They choose to be angry, they choose to be hateful and the choose to attack you for who you are.
just keep being you, but I would indeed document all the messages you get and whom you get those from, in cause you need to report them.
dorydude78
How is reporting them for harassment going to out this half sister?
Not like the reporting of the harassment will do anything anyway.
Honestly, this family can all rot. I'd take screenshots of every message they sent and blast it everywhere.
Oh and your brother can also rot, since he's chosen this family over yours.
OP responded
I meant that I think she might have only apologized for her family because she already knew that us reporting the harrasment might happen.
OP also added this note addressing the question: "Why am I so casual about this entire situation?"
Some of you were wondering why I seem so calm and casual in the update when I'm discriminated against. The truth is that I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and the things that happen now are nothing compared to what I've been through.
I receive hateful messages almost daily. Not only from their accounts but in general. And I learned to ignore that.
There have been way worse situations. Such as when my boyfriend went to visit his family and I couldn't go with him.
We kissed each other goodbye on the train station and when the train left and no one saw it a group of guys attacked me. I was sent to hospital because of severe injuries. Just to give you an idea what I had to deal with in the past.
And don't get me wrong we will report my SIL's family but what they are doing is nothing I haven't seen a thousand times before.
The story continued with a second update.
It's been a few days. First of all. Me and my boyfriend are fine. Luckily for us they didn't go any further than their text messages.
My mom filed a report against them. I don't know the current situation about that as I haven't filed the report myself. The reason I'm updating you is a different one. First of all.
One person in my SIL's family is actually going to testify in my favor and against her family. It really takes courage to do so. It's the same person that called me in the last update.
Somehow they found out that she is into women. No reason to hide it anymore. However she said she's fine and is going to stay at a friend's house. I have so much respect for what she does. Imagine the strength you need to testify against your own family. I now feel bad for assuming she only called me to save her family from being reported.
More importantly. What is the current situation with my brother? Well my mom talked to him and told him to leave his wife or she will disinherit him from her will. He decided to stay with his wife and my mom made her threat come true.
He's no longer in her will. My father did the same. When I visited them I also told them that I wish that this entire situation went different. They assured me its not my fault but I feel like if it wasn't for me then my family wouldn't be ripped apart like this.
Haven't talked to my brother since then. My boyfriend feels similar. He also told me he kinda feels responsible for all this chaos. I assured him it's not his fault. But honestly I wasn't even sure if I could say this in my position.
On the other hand it was my SIL's family's bigotry that ruined everything and everything would've been fine if I could've just attended.
But now it's time for me to grow distant to this situation. We'll see what the report will do. I followed your advice to document everything. The insulting and harassing messages continued until two days ago. So I have much to say about them.
Unfortunately homophobia is still very much normalized in our society. I already said it in a post in my profile but the reason I'm so calm and casual about the situation is the simple fact that I'm used to situations like this.
They don't get to me anymore. If I let any insult get to me I wouldn't make it for a long time. Its a coping mechanism. I've been into situations where I was sent into hospital because I kissed my boyfriend in public. So insults and harrasment like theirs is nothing I haven't seen before.
I want to say thank you for all your support on my first two posts.
The second update saw even more support for OP.
No-Rub8314
Wow your brother should be ashamed of himself he married a homophobic witch and he’s staying with her knowing what she and her family think of you . He deserves his karma with that toxic family. I’m sorry you and your boyfriend are suffering due to them. Best of luck for the future .
Living_Sheepherder37
I know you feel guilty but you shouldn't. People like that don't change their ways. If it was not this situation it would have been something else next time . Your brother and his in-laws got everything they deserve coming their way due to their OWN actions.
Don't get used to abuse from people not even from your own family just because they can't accept your way of life. If they have guts to harass you , they should be ready for consequences as well .
Accomplished-Fix7481
I'm sorry to see that you are still feeling some guilt about everything that happened, when you are only a victim of mean and stupid people. I hope that feeling will fade away with time.
I understand that you had to deal with worse before, but it still not normal and shouldn't be happening. Edit : I love your parents
And after a month and a half, OP returned with a final update.
I think some of y'all are waiting for an update so here I am. Keep in mind that this update will probably be the last one.
So last time I told you my mother was pressing charges against them and to my surprise we won. They weren't going to jail or anything but they had to pay for their actions. LITERALLY.
There was one incident where my SIL's dad was actually trying to find out where I lived and asked my brother, who told him. Only god knows what he would've done to us if we still had lived there.
But in the time span of the last two months me and my boyfriend moved to a different place which my brother didn't know anything about. Also their social media accounts were deleted. However I don't know if this was part of their punishment or if they did it themselves.
My mom has also carried out the threat towards my brother and disinherited him from her will. After he came back from his honeymoon he begged her to put him in again. She said only if he apologized to me.
She invited me and my boyfriend over and my brother sat in the living room with this mad look on his face. She made him apologize but I didn't accept this apology because I could tell it wasn't sincere. He did it because he had to and not because he was actually sorry. I told my brother that I am disappointed in him for who he became.
Before that we had this huge bond usually never judged each other for stuff like this and all of a sudden he has such a problem with me having a boyfriend. I just don't get it. I told him that I miss the old him. He didn't respond to anything.
He just sat there quietly staring at the floor. After I finished he just got up and left. This was the last time I spoke with him and it's already been a few weeks since this happened. My parents paid much more attention to the discrimination I face since this incident.
They wanted to learn more about the problems I face as a queer person. I really love them. My dad even got a bisexual pride flag for me and asked if he could hang it in our bedroom. I love that I have such great parents.
I just wished for my brother to become the person he once was. Btw. since the case with my SIL's family is over I didn't heard anything about their lesbian daughter. She supported us during the process but we lost contact afterwards and I just hope she's fine.
Here were some top reactions to the last update from OP — he still had plenty of support, but after reading the whole thing, some took issue with the details.
Good_Fan663
The dad could have hurt or even killed OP and his boyfriend, and the brother told him where they were!
Being cut out of the will is the least that should happen.
QueerCatCarrier
I’m glad that OOP's parents came through for him. He seems so sweet and I hope he knows that it’s not his fault for the rift. His brother caused the rift by showing that he is homophobic and marrying his homophobic wife.
Not to mention the fact that HE GAVE OOP’s ADDRESS TO A PERSON WHO IS VIOLENTLY HOMOPHOBIC!!! WHAT THE HECK??? THAT IS NOT SAFE AT ALL!!!
CheerilyTerrified
"She supported us during the process but we lost contact afterwards and I just hope she's fine."
It was two months ago. Just text her.
ArmThePhotonicCannon
How did his mother get the ball rolling on charges when the crimes were committed against OP? Is OP a minor?
PTonFIRE
You might think I enjoyed OP's writing style. The truth is, you're wrong.
OrangeSockMonkey
How come everyone always seems to have everyone's cell phone numbers, even when they never met?
Dolphins3
Maybe I missed it, but what exactly was the crime? I'm guessing this probably isn't in the US? The worst I've seen so far is they were spamming OOP with abusive messages, which while horrible, isn't illegal here.
Cursd818
Cos court cases only take a few months.
Obvious troll is obvious.
Edit: I just remember that some of the court cases from pre-Covid are still waiting to be heard and am even more amused by this ridiculous assertion.