'AITA for not serving my husband the leftovers he wanted?'
"AITA for not serving my husband the leftovers he wanted?"
I have been off the last 4 days. So I finally had a chance to do some spring cleaning. I deep cleaned the whole house. Yes, this did take all 4 days.
I did bathrooms, fans, oiled wood tables, opened and cleaned windows -- everything. My husband sees I am off and I have had to serve him every meal since I am home. 90 percent of the time I don't mind. Yesterday I was tired and was making steaks for dinner so I didn't feel like making a breakfast omelette too.
He got upset and I ended up making both breakfast and dinner. Since I didn't want to fight, but he says I made a face. After dinner last night I packed up leftovers and made it clear that I would not be making ANYTHING tomorrow. Everyone agreed since I work today. When he got off work this morning I served him something quick to eat. I have a hotel booked for this weekend for us.
I was trying on clothing and packing when he asked to heat up his leftovers. I said 'I told you yesterday I wasn't making anything today.' He responded with 'you're going to make a problem over heating something up on my birthday month?'
I responded with, 'I am tired and explained yesterday you keep making problems with me over food.' He turned it around and said, 'no you're making the problems over food. You just don't want to serve me anything anymore. Cancel the reservation, I'm not going anywhere. Thanks for ruining my birthday month!'
Now I did heat the leftovers which of course he refused to eat. And the reservation is too late to cancel so now I'm out money, too.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
From imothro:
His birthday month? What the absolute f*^%? Hon, it sounds like you have a job, and yet you are also in charge of all household chores AND all food preparation? And your husband can't heat up his own leftovers? Are his arms broken? And then refusing to eat the food when you made it for him? He's straight up terrible.
This relationship is wildly unbalanced. You need to get into individual therapy and deprogram from this being anywhere near normal. It's not. NTA
From Engels33:
'Birthday month' is something my 6 year old says. Never heard anyone older say it. Frankly it rather sounds like my lad is more mature than OPs significant other.
From Prize_Crow1396
OP, healthy, mature adults don't use that excuse, ever. It's cringe and I am embarrassed on his behalf. What other excuses does he have for the other months of the year?
From DontAskMeChit
NTA but your husband is. He wants you to cook, clean and organize everything and all he has to do is show up? He sounds very controlling. 'the reservation is too late to cancel so now I'm out money too.' No you aren't. Tell him the reservation is made and you will be there. He can show up if he wants.
From VeNOm333:
Who really uses “it’s my birthday month” as a way to get out of situations? Plus he really can’t heat up leftovers? Easy NTA
From SickofItAll_4200
Seriously, birthday MONTH??? I thought my 5 yo daughter having 'birthday week' was bad. NTA at all. This is absurd and OP should be relieved they don't have to go away with him for the weekend. I don't know where people come up with this stuff, my wife would be furious and we'd be in counseling if I talked to her like that
From MagicianOk6393:
NTA. Don’t cancel the reservation! Go yourself and get some rest. Your husband is an a&^%$le, a abusive one. He’s playing mind games with you.
Almost exactly one year later OP posted this, "Could I become a narcissist after years of being married to a narcissist?":
Okay so I have been in my relationship for over 20 years. We had a blow up fight this week and haven't spoken 4 days now. He is giving me the full silent treatment. He has done this before but usually I react. This time i have let him do it and taken the time to enjoy not having to do anything for him.
I posted our argument on here because sometimes after these fights I feel like his version of events and the guilty trip he pulls on me maybe justified. Writing helps me get my head straight.
Many people suggested books to read. I was reading up on narcissist over this weekend and a lot of what he does has started to make sense. The cyclical nature of his super sweet, I am the most amazing wife in the world to and then I am the laziest wife and full on silent treatment because I disagree with something he says.
My question is I know I have changed, it has been too many years of emotional and financial abuse, but I fear I maybe a narcissist myself. At least with him. When he tried to feed me his version of events. I called him a liar. He acts all calm and tries to talk about what happened, very pulled together, mean while I yell and get so frustrated.
I feel like I am losing it! All day today we tried to talk and I tried to get him to see what is happening and he just rode me in circles. I listen to myself and so many of the phrases I was yelling at him were the same phrases I was reading when reading up on narcissist.
I have given my life to this man, worked my a%% off, and given up way more than I could ever write in this post. Yet somehow I feel at the end of this I have become the narcisist! He is soft today, trying to get me to see how I somehow failed him that day with my attitude and that all he needs is a sweet wife. I on the other hand lost it. I am so incredibly mean. Could I become a narcissist after being a victim of a narcissist?
How did you guys handle the final days with your narcissist? He wants to talk and prove that he did nothing wrong and that if he just had a nicer wife none of this would have happened. I am tring hard to gray rock but I feel the need to defend myself and his fake stories.
Not excited to see how our counseling will go this time. Because for once I am done watering things down. I am full on spilling the tea. I need the help. I know he is going to be livid.