Husband humiliates wife after he insults her cooking. AITA? UPDATED.
When this husband is annoyed with his wife's cooking and accidentally upsets her by insulting it, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for insulting the food my wife made, despite not knowing she made it?"
I will try to keep it short. My wife and I are 46 and 47. We've been married 19 years now and not once in our marriage has she ever cooked. I honestly never minded, she's told me that she's terrible in the kitchen and I like to do it anyway.
Yesterday, I had a long long day at work and told my wife this. She told me she would order food in so I didn't have to cook.
I come home, and she sets the table, the food is neatly placed on two plates (which should have been my first clue that it was home-cooked) and I began to dig in. The food was bland, borderline gross and nothing to what I had tasted before.
My head was already pounding, I was not in the mood for some bad food. I just looked up from the food and told her, "This F-ing sucks. Please don't order from this place again."
She got really quiet, and then sad. I asked if everything was okay and she said yes. She still seemed off the whole dinner.
After dinner, I wouldn't stop bothering her. Wouldn't stop asking her what's wrong. Until she finally snapped and told me she cooked the food, it wasn't ordered. She said she was sorry and she won't cook for me again, and I could see her tearing up. She went right to bed.
I had to leave early the next day, so she was asleep. I asked a buddy of mine for advice and he said I shouldn't have talked about anybodys food that way. AITA? Or honest mistake?
UPDATE for clarification: I did not mean this in a derogatory way at all. My wife and I have lived in the same area our entire marriage and very often come across an absolutely terrible takeout place.
It's a think we do, saying: God this sucks. Usually, the response is a laugh, because we have a tally of the horrible places and we find it funny. My fault for not specifying that.
Let's see what readers thought.
99dalmatianpups writes:
NTA. (1) You didn’t know she cooked it, and many people will order takeout but take the time to plate it, I know my partner and I do when we share something we ordered from a restaurant or if the to go box is flimsy/broken. (2) Whether it was ordered or home cooked, you don’t have to pretend you love it.
When my partner and I cook, if we don’t like something about what the other person cooked, we tell them. Albeit, both of us can actually cook, so it’s usually just like “hey, you overcooked the shrimp” or “you should use less paprika next time”, but we’ve both had occasions where one of us cooked something and it turned out awful so we’d be honest and say “hey, this sucks, don’t cook it again”.
If you lie and say you liked it, then the other person is just going to keep cooking that meal the same way, and then you’re stuck pretending to enjoy terrible food every time they cook it.
However, you should still apologize to your wife for hurting her feelings, and maybe suggest that y’all go to some couple’s cooking classes together. Make them date nights, y’all can spend quality time doing something together and your wife can learn how to cook at the same time.
absolutegy writes:
NAH. Your wife tried to make you a home cooked meal, didn't do an especially good job, and didn't give you any warning to moderate your criticism to protect her feelings. However, you did insult her cooking pretty brutally. Neither of you made asshole choices, you just ended up on the wrong side of a miscommunication.
I'd suggest a romantic gesture for your wife - maybe reservations at a restaurant she loves and a gift related to one of her true skills? - and an apology for hurting her feelings. Reassure her that her intent was kind and lovely, and that you adore her no matter how well she can (or can't) cook.
Good luck man - and make sure to schedule some downtime for yourself as well!! It's the holidays and both you and your wife deserve a break.
tossburntoast writes:
NTA - You thought it was takeout. You have a history of bashing bad takeout. You can’t always win when it comes to context clues (like food served on plates).
You’re going to have to learn to sit with the guilt on this one, though, because she’s not the villain in this, either. You should sincerely apologize without lying to her. Triple A+ for supporting your wife’s complete lack of desire to cook.