'I'm thinking of leaving my husband because his bizarre behavior is giving me the 'ick.''

"I (27F) am thinking of leaving my husband (28m) because I am starting to get the 'ick.' How do I overcome this feeling?"

Let me start off by saying, I love my husband. He and I get along very well and he's a great man. He's the romantic type, he tells me how much he loves me every day, he always tries to do the chores before I do so I don't have too, and he always makes sure he gets me little gifts. He's a thoughtful, kind, and loving man. And he is my best friend.

The only issues are: I don't think he would physically protect me, and his anxiety is becoming problematic. Like for example, if there's possible danger he literally hides behind me. He has done this multiple times and I even fought with him about it. He is always in denial, but my gut says he wouldn't protect me.

When we order ubereats/doordash, he will never answer the door or make me. Unless I literally tell him to go (he huffs and he puffs). Like he'll cautiously look out the window hoping they go away even when we have that required code (this can last for minutes, we have almost lost food because of him.)

Before we got married, he always told me to NEVER answer the door because a man should protect his woman from potential danger yadda yadda yadda.) After we got married, suddenly his beliefs must have changed because he will literally hide behind me after I answer the door.

And not only that, the people have been outside out door for like 5 minutes on the phone with the customer service people to take our food because he did not answer the door. He'll just stare through the peephole.

So I go and answer it or else we get no food and he LITERALLY hides behind the other side of the door so the guy cannot see him/goes into the bathroom. He'll walk out of the bathroom 10 seconds after I grab it.

When there is possible danger on the street (when we have to walk at night), he would make me go first while he literally hid behind me. He has done this multiple times and I have complained but he would tell me that it's nothing.

He has also done this in stores, he'll walk either way behind me (10+ feet) or way ahead. I've taken a picture of him from behind because he was literally 20ft ahead of me and asked him why he never wants to walk next to me. At first he denied it and then after pestering him for an hour he said it's because I'm too slow. Then has tried to do better but still leaves me much of the time.

This behavior also translates to in public, sometimes he'll walk away from me and just look down at his phone pretending like he doesn't know me. He has awful driving anxiety so that means if I do not drive him places (including work) he won't go.

Or he'll wake me up late (turn off my alarm) so I can sleep in, but then when he's late and im literally in my pjs taking him to work because I had no time, he'll complain that he is late.

And when we are at a restaurant, he'll order food he doesn't like just because he's terrified of slowing down the waiter. Like we can only go to places where he can order food beforehand, where he can see the menu first, or if it is fast paced he'll just order what I order because he's so scared.

He also hasn't told his family we are married, yet, (we eloped) we were engaged for a year and after I threatened to break up with him he finally told them that we were engaged. So we have been married for a year and they STILL don't know. There have been many fights over that.

Another really strange behavior is that he age regresses. If talks get too deep or we're fighting, he'll start talking like he's maybe 10, do a kid voice, and won't listen. This behavior has been getting worse to where he'll talk like he's a little kid more and more. It makes me feel like a mother but I do know everyone has different ways of coping.

I am coming here today because for a while I've started thinking of him as more as a friend or even like a son. I'm really starting to get the ick and need help. We signed up for a marriage counselor (haven't went yet), but for the time being I'm moving back in with my dad because this resentment is making me start to become mean. And I don't think it's fair to either of us for me to be mean.

I love my husband, but I don't respect him at all anymore. And I am terrified to have kids with him because if I get pregnant, I don't think he would keep me safe. Which I'm now realizing is probably one of my biggest requirements in a partner.

Thank you for reading, sorry if it comes across as jumbled, would love to know your thoughts and experiences.

Edit: Thank you so far for all of your responses, I learned a lot about myself and my partner.

I want to clarify that I am trying to make it work. I'm not just abandoning him. I got us marriage counseling, and will now encourage him further to get individual therapy as well as myself. I have replied to many of your comments and in those talk more about how i've taken care of him and how much I do actually care about our relationship.

Divorce is not an easy decision, but if we aren't compatible and something in my body is feeling really bad (I'm starting to get actually sick from all of this) I can't stay for either of us. I don't want to leave and do want to make it work, but there is a lot of mystery, anxieties, etc.

People keep bringing up how I keep mentioning physical protection. While that is true that it is important to me, I also mean that he cannot/will not do basic tasks like order his own food, clean up after himself, I have to worry if he'll hurt himself due to immaturity/possible incompetence, etc. To me it feels like I'm with a child.

And that also worries me. Because as I get older, I know I want kids. And I want kids with a man who I can be able to trust to not indulge in negligence with our children. And it scares me. I'm not perfect either and many of the comments made it clear I need to state that more. I tend to be the one to get angry. I know I can be tough to love.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Brownie-0109 said:

I’m not sure you need couples counseling as much as he needs individual counseling

ThrowRAwhenimbored said:

This sounds like far more than an ick, this sounds like he's developed some sort of severe social anxiety... Have you brought this up to him as something he may need to address in therapy? This level of fear is not normal.

-Liriel- said:

How about he sees a professional who can help with his anxiety.

StarryCloudRat said:

So, what is he willing to do about this? Does he acknowledge that his anxiety is severely impacting both your lives? Does he want support with it? Is he willing to seek out his own mental health treatment? Or… is he doing the bare minimum while you rush around trying to figure out how to fix things?

OP responded:

Bare minimum honestly.

And Zeeisrage said:

OP this sounds like paranoia and sounds like there’s something going on with him mentally. You need to take him to a psychiatrist. I’m saying this because I’ve seen similar with someone I knew and they were later diagnosed.