My husband deserted me without a word

Friendly-Fox-4575

I'm still reeling from this and just need to vent. My (48F) husband (50M) and I have been homeless for about a year after he was fired from his job but we've been staying in motels. I do work online and have been able to keep a roof over our heads. He hasn't worked in a year.

So on Tuesday, when he said he had a job interview, I was excited. He walked since the truck broke down and was sold. He said he needed both phones for numbers, so I gave it to him not thinking anything about it, especially since I could still get in touch with him with text from my computer now.

After about an hour, he texted me and said he got the job and just had to fill out paperwork and get his drug test and would only be a couple of hours. Then I saw 3 expenses on the bank card in the county over and knew something wasn't right.

Those couple of hours turned into that night, the next morning. He not only wasn't answering my texts or calls, but he blocked me completely. He had both phones, both bank account cards, and my valid ID.

Before I had a chance to cancel the cards, because it was my money on there, he had pretty much wiped out the account. I still had a few days left at the motel, so I called around. My dog, cat, and I are safe at the moment, and I opened new bank accounts but have to wait on the cards to arrive. But, we can't stay here forever.

I'm hoping the card arrives soon and I can get my ID done so we can get back into a motel, which is the only option at the moment until I can build up enough money for rent deposit, etc. and find a cheap apartment or house. I do have a paycheck coming Thursday, though I'm not sure what to do after Monday when I can no longer stay where I am.

As far as I know, my husband is with another woman. He contacted his brother just long enough to say he was safe but wouldn't give an answer why. We've been married for 9 years but started dating back in 1988. We weren't arguing and I thought everything was fine.

Not a word, and I'm just devastated. I just can't fathom why he just left me and our pets like that with no access to money, a vehicle, or even a live phone. He knew that most likely we would be out on the streets, but luckily, we did find a temporary haven for a few days.

I guess he just found a piece of a** he wanted more than someone who supported him and was loyal through these bad times. I figure he found another woman with more money or something who could take care of him like I did. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:

Fr33speechisdeAd

Your future ex is a 1st class turd and a thief. I'm sorry this happened to you OP, I know how hard it is to start over. Do you have some family or friends to help you?

The OP responded here:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Not really. All of my family are deceased, and the one person I could call is helping me right now but can't stay for more than a couple of days. We've had to move so many times because he couldn't keep a job or wanted to try someplace new.

I think I became really isolated from everyone. I thought another friend was going to help, but they said they thought about it and didn't want any drama at their house if he decided to show up, which I can't blame them. It's pretty much just me, the dog, and the cat.

MayorCharlesCoulon

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you take the time to process your anger and sadness. Hopefully soon you’ll be able to look back and realize he did you a favor by disconnecting his barnacle ass from you. He’s heartless, jobless and a thief and you will most likely thrive and down the road, be much happier without him. He really doesn’t deserve you.

The OP again responded:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Thank you. I've been thinking a lot the past few days and have started to think/realize he was using me to support him. I lost one writing job last month and just started another one this month. I guess he didn't think I'd be able to support him. He left before he knew that I'm actually going to be making more money than before. I just have to wait until the first pay on Thursday.

Euphoric-Self-9341

Wow. I’m so sorry this happened. Thank you for sharing. You will be OK! You’ve got this!

3 days later, the OP returned with an update.

"UPDATE: My Husband Deserted Me Without A Word"

Friendly-Fox-4575

First of all, I would like to thank you for everyone's kind words of encouragement and advice. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to everyone. Myself and my pets are still safe. My new bank cards should be coming in today or tomorrow. With my paycheck on Thursday, I get to move into a studio apartment I found! It's small but bigger than a motel room and has a kitchen.

They allow pets and even have a little fenced-in dog play area. I'm still working to beef up my paycheck for the deposits and food. After I get settled in, I do have an appointment with legal aid counseling for the area.

So, things are definitely looking up, and I really feel like I've got this and can take care of myself. Where I work has announced that there will be a huge increase in work available and should continue through the next year. And if he even tries to contact me, I'm not buying anything he says, especially if he tries to weasel his way back in. He can talk to my lawyer.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after this first update:

Guano_barbee

In the divorce list the fact that he drained the accounts and request alimony lmao.

The OP responded:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Unfortunately, it was a joint account. I did contact the police but they said since his name is on the account, it is a civil matter. So, it's something I'll have to talk about when I speak with the lawyer. I have all documentation showing that the only deposits were coming from my paycheck, so hopefully, I'll be able to get at least half back.

Waste_Ad_6467

So glad you’re safe. In addition to changing your bank accounts and your direct deposit, if you haven’t already, I would put a freeze on your credit since he has your id. You don’t need him adding identity theft to your list of problems if he tries to open accounts in your name.

Prestigious_Dig_218

So glad you're safe and moving forward. Please check in from time to time and let us know you're still okay.

I hope he never finds your new home. Be free of that dead weight.

humble-meercat

You’re bouncing back like a pro! Way to go, hang in there and keep on truckin’. And do not let that man anywhere back near you!

6 days later, the OP returned with another update.

"UPDATE 2: My Husband Deserted Me Without A Word"

Friendly-Fox-4575

I just wanted to give another, and hopefully, final update. I still haven't heard from him, but I don't want to, and the lawyer I speak with on Thursday can take over tracking him down. I and the fur balls are in our new apartment, safe and sound! It took a lot of hard work and every penny I had from my paycheck, but we made it! I still need to get furniture, but we have a roof, and that's a great start.

We're going to be all right, I know it. And, even though I need time to know and love myself again and heal, it was kind of a confidence boost to be flirted with by a couple of the neighbors. Thank you for all of your support, love, and kindness through these past couple of weeks!

Her were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update:

angxlina19

From living in a motel with a man who deserted you to now finally having your own home!!!! You’re an incredible person and I’m so proud of you.

The OP responded:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Thanks! I'm actually proud of myself too!

katiekat2022

I’m glad you are safely in a new place. It sounds like a great place to start building a much happier and more stable new life. And enjoy your freedom from the deadbeat ex.

The OP responded again:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Thank you! I have noticed that I am starting to feel happier than I have for a while. Now that the drama has died down, I'm enjoying the peace!

MixWitch

Genuinely happy for you! Your life has already improved significantly now that the trash took itself out. I wish it hadn't caused so much distress, you deserve better than that, but at least now a truly better life is beginning for you.

But, this wasn't the last update. 8 days later the OP returned to conclude their story.

"LAST UPDATE: My Husband Deserted Me Without A Word"

Friendly-Fox-4575

I thought that the last post would be my last update, but I know many people were concerned about me seeing a lawyer, which I did today. The retainer won't be too bad, but it will need to wait until next week for payday. But, it's the beginning of the next step.

And, I did hear from him! I received a short email, which was the only way he knew how to get in touch. The email just said, "Sorry. How are you?" It took a lot out of me not to respond because there is still a lot of hurt and grief I'm processing.

But, I'm proud to say that I just sent a message back with the number of the law office I was going to, then created a filter to send future messages to the trash. It hurt, but it felt good at the same time.

I truly want to say thank you for all of your kindness and support during this time. I have had several people reach out and messaged me to share similar experiences, and it breaks my heart to know that this has happened to so many other women and men.

Here were the top rated comments after the OP's final update:

lichinamo

My bullsh*t meter went through the roof as soon as she said “new apartment.” The pets are cute, though. To be clear, it wasn’t the cost, it was the speed that raised a red flag for me.

theseanbeag

You don't report him for stealing money from a joint account, you report him for stealing your phone and bank cards.

Ancient-Rough-8340

"Sorry. How are you?" SMH the nerve of this a**hole.

ilikedrawingandstuff

All of this sucks. Mostly him. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but in the end you will probably be better for it. Sounds like you have everything it takes to get your life back on track and be stable and happy. Him... not so much. Good luck!

The OP responded:

Friendly-Fox-4575

Thank you! It'll take time, but things are slowly starting to fall into place.

So, it sounds like the OP is going to be okay. It is frustrating to not know what exactly happened here. Do you have any theories? No matter the details, this is one strong woman.