'My husband left me and our newborn for another woman, now he wants forgiveness.' UPDATED 4X
"My husband left me and our newborn for another woman, now he wants forgiveness."
We’ve been married for 3 years. I’m 30 he’s 34. I had a baby 6 weeks ago, after giving birth my husband was cold and so distant, I thought that he needed time to adjust to the new normal but turns out he was actually planning to leave us.
2 weeks ago he said to me that’s it’s not working out anymore and he doesn’t want to be married to me. The news broke my heart I kept asking him why was he doing this to our family and his response was “ I can’t pretend anymore”.
He took all his clothes and left 2 days after. I just had this gut feeling that he was seeing someone else so I got into his email and found hotel reservations, he brought her on a vacation when I thought he was on a business trip.
I searched her name on Facebook and saw him in the background of her pictures. Turns out this has been going on for a year. I’m so hurt dealing with this and taking care of a new born baby. I’ve been crying all day for the past 2 week and being delusional thinking he will come back to us when he realizes he made a mistake.
I texted him when I found out about the other woman and he ignored me then hours later asked how our son was doing so I blocked him. I’ve been feeling so lost I have no appetite haven’t been eating, as a result my milk supply is really low. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
loricomments
I know this is hard but you've got to pull yourself together for your child's sake. Make yourself eat, then call in whatever family and friends you have for support, then call a lawyer. Divorce that loser and get your child support.
a-_rose
Document everything and get a lawyer ASAP, change the locks and separate your finances. Focus on healing and your baby, you’ll get through this.
MissssAmurica
I had this happen to me. I almost died. Our baby was in the NICU for weeks. You have got to not dwell on him. Looking back you dodged a bullet. You must take care of yourself because your baby needs you.
Do not stress over breastfeeding because there is nothing wrong with formula. Get a lawyer and get him out of your life ASAP. Bottom line is you deserve so much better. I’m here if you need me. Hang in there sis. ♥️
AnyDecision470
I am so sorry your husband is devoid of any decency. You are in shock. BUT: he is going to be moving on making plans, changes quickly. He’s not grieving: he’s celebrating his freedom. Grieve later! Now’s the time to be a fierce mama bear! Gather your anger, it will help you now. Cry later when all is said and done.
Get all the evidence and proof of his infidelity. Those photos, emails, receipts, credit card statements, bank account balances. He used marital assets on her, and in the past year, he might have spent more money on his deceit. You have to protect and your innocent child.
Secure finances. Get a lawyer immediately! They will help you and protect you. Get fierce. Stay strong and cold. Only text or email. Think about the future. He may want 50/50 custody. That means SHE will be helping to raise your son. The time to grieve the life you built is later. NOW, you fight and secure the future for you and your precious baby.
Update 1:
This morning, my husband came back, saying he made a mistake leaving his family and wants to work things out. These past weeks have been so rough; I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights all while taking care of a baby.
I’m still hurting and feel even worse now that he’s back. Coming back doesn’t erase all the emotional stress he’s caused me. He left me and our baby when we needed him the most. I’m so lost and confused.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
gsusfreak
He cheated, left you and your kids. ma'am please tell me you have lawyered up for a divorce.
Hungry_Blood_3949
He had a whole parallel life for an an entire year while she carried his baby and gave birth. This guy is an extra big scumbag.
grumpy__g
Don’t forgive him. Go to a lawyer first. She probably kicked him out.
Bougieb5000
I wonder if she even knew he was married and/or had a pregnant wife/newborn baby. I bet she recently found out, just my guess…
Better-Manner-7205 OP:
I think she knew! He told me he left her I don’t believe him. I actually sent her a message I’m currently waiting on a response.
whatashame_13
He cheated for a year, living a full life with AP going out, vacations, spending money on her... just leave it is not with it, make aure he pays child support and take half if you can.
"Update 2: Text messages from other woman."
Texts with AP and I, this confirms he’s a LIAR and has been lying to both of us. My previous post was very vague, so I thought I'd provide more detail. When my husband came back yesterday, he apologized and said it was a huge mistake.
He admitted he wasn’t thinking straight and would do anything to make things right between us. He wants to be here for me and our son, repeatedly asking what he needs to do to make things right.
I told him I didn’t want to see him right now and that it was best if he left, but he refused and kept begging to stay, saying he was sorry and calling himself an idiot who doesn’t deserve me. I asked why he did this to us, and he admitted he wasn’t thinking clearly and said nothing can justify his horrible actions.
My previous post was very vague, so I thought I'd provide more detail. When my husband came back yesterday, he apologized and said it was a huge mistake. He admitted he wasn’t thinking straight and would do anything to make things right between us.
He wants to be here for me and our son, repeatedly asking what he needs to do to make things right. I told him I didn’t want to see him right now and that it was best if he left, but he refused and kept begging to stay, saying he was sorry and calling himself an idiot who doesn’t deserve me.
I asked why he did this to us, and he admitted he wasn’t thinking clearly and said nothing can justify his horrible actions
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Cocomelon3216
He is such a POS. I'm glad you reached out to the other woman so she was also made aware that he is a pathological liar. He deserves to lose both of you. Don't believe the apologies and love bombing. He can never be trusted again. Are you able to kick him out and divorce him straight away?
psychede1ic_c4tus
Girls who have each other backs ?
WearyYogurtcloset589
He is a cheater and a liar. I'm not super sure about her either because she knew that he was married. She found out about the pregnancy, and he said that you were trying to baby-trap him, which means that he was obviously still intimate with you/his wife, but she still continued the relationship.
I'm sorry, we probably wouldn't be friends,she knew that he was married and still home with his wife. Her excuses are crap to me. She was fine with a man leaving his new born and wife to move in with her. Keep her around if your state is an at fault state,otherwise hell NO. Plz tell me that you threw him out. Update me!
Update 3:
In the process of filing for a divorce, the stress has been overwhelming. It even landed me in the hospital my blood pressure was extremely high and I was severely dehydration.
My attorney advised me to move back into the house until the divorce is finalized. Since then, things have been very strange. My husband is now trying to win me over, but it's too late. I strongly dislike him for leaving me for another woman.
He has been taking care of our son during the day to give me breaks, cooking meals, and even bringing the food to me. I haven't been eating it; instead, I throw it in the trash and have told him to stop cooking for me. He brought me flowers, which I also threw away. He’s been trying to talk to me, but I walk away and lock myself in my bedroom (I’m staying in the guest room).
Last night, he asked if we could watch a movie together, and I said no and told him to leave me alone. He’s even cried and begged for another chance but I can’t get over what he’s done to me.
Despite everything, I found myself crying tonight because I feel bad for treating him poorly. Why am I feeling bad for someone who disregarded my feelings and left me alone with our baby when I needed him the most?
Want to add:
I'm having a weak moment, second-guessing myself. Am I making the right decision by filing for this divorce? even though I know it's the right thing to do!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Skinsunandrun
It’s normal to feel this way, because you have a heart unlike some lying cheating bastards. Do not take him back, stay strong. I’m sure you’ll see his true colors once he sees you’re not budging.
anonny42357
You are not treating him badly. You are treating him with all the kindness he deserves. I am so so sorry. I've been following your story, and it blows my mind that he thinks he can grovel his way back into your good graces.
Complete-Design5395
You’re doing nothing wrong. You’re protecting your heart from further damage by keeping him at arms length. He’s going to go from super repentant and sweet to super angry soon, I bet. Brace yourself.
Hopefully you’ll be able to get away from having to live with him soon. That’ll make a world of difference. Stay strong, OP. You deserve better than him. So does your baby.
Update 4:
Still in the process of getting a divorce.I've been doing my best to ignore him and keep my distance, focusing on my son instead. I visit my parents every day, and sometimes l even spend the night with them.
Despite this, he's still being nice or at least pretending to be. I'm not sure if it's an act, but l have been ignoring it. He still makes food and coffee for me, but because I don't trust him, l usually don't eat the food.Sometimes I'll drink the coffee.
Last night, I was sitting on the couch watching a movie around midnight, thinking he was already in bed. While the movie was playing, he came in and asked if he could sit and watch with me.
I told him I didn't care and to do whatever he wanted. He sat down, and later on, he touched my leg and kissed me. We ended up being intimate. I went to bed last night, instantly regretting what happened, and now I'm so mad at myself. My head is all over place.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's final post:
SeparateCzechs
Now OP needs another STD screening, since cheating husband could be carrying anything.
liontamer74
I love how often either people mis-type or autocorrect turns 'marital' to 'martial'. It's usually very appropriate. What a dreadful man OP's husband is.
peter095837
Jesus....things are just getting worse and worse.
This guy is a creep.
About 3 weeks later OP posted this: "I f&^%$ng hate my husband."
I’m feeling exhausted from trying to stay composed, and it's turning me into someone I don't like. Since our last encounter (we were intimate), which I regret so much, I've been struggling with feelings of disappointment and vulnerability. I feel like he took advantage of my emotional state, and now, even seeing him makes me so angry.
Despite my requests for him to stop trying to make amends, he's still doing things like making iced coffee, which I’ve repeatedly asked him not to do. I’ve been throwing it out, but he continues, which only fuels my frustration. A few days ago, when he confronted me about avoiding him, I reacted by throwing the coffee in his face. I didn’t expect to act out in such a way, but my anger took over
Afterward, he followed me to my room, questioning my actions and calling me crazy. I told him what was truly crazy was him leaving me and our 4 week old baby to be with another woman, and then returning as if everything should go back to normal. He asked what he could do to make things better, and I told him stay the fuck away from me
Since he works from home, he’s constantly around, and I can’t find any peace during the day. I try to be out of the house as much as possible, taking our baby for walks and spending time with my parents. His presence has overshadowed my experience as a mother, and I often find myself lost in thoughts about what he’s done, feeling detached and overwhelmed
Today, he asked to spend more time with our son and suggested I take some me time. I took him up on the offer and left them together for the morning, but even then, I couldn't relax. My mind was racing with thoughts of our son and everything my husband has put us through.
I’m still really affected and find myself crying often, most nights struggling to sleep. I’ve attempted therapy, but my sessions have been difficult because of how emotional I am
I just needed to vent and I appreciate all the support from everyone
A summary of my past posts: My husband left me and our newborn for another woman, then returned weeks later claiming he made a mistake. AP reached out to me and gave me details about the affair. Now that he’s back and wants to make amends, I’m done with it
A lot of people are questioning why I don’t leave the house. I did leave when he returned to our home after coming back from living with another woman. I went to stay with my parents, but my lawyer advised me to go back to our home.
Now that I’m back, I’ve asked him to give me space, but he’s refusing to do so. I wish he would just leave, but I can’t force him since he’s legally allowed to be here too.
About a month later OP posted this: "I recently cut off contact with AP. WH has been begging to R."
No advice, just support. My WH’s AP [Wayward Husband's Affair Partner] and I were friends, but I recently decided to cut her off to continue my healing journey. A little backstory: my WH left me and our newborn baby a few months ago to be with her.
He eventually came back and tried to R [Reconcile], but the pain was too much to bear, so we're currently going through a divorce. We’re still living in the same house, and it's incredibly difficult to be around the person who hurt me so deeply. Just seeing his face is triggering
He’s started IC, and I’m in IC as well. He’s tried to R and has suggested marriage counseling MC ,but I think that bridge is burned. It hurts, and I still cry every day when I think about how he destroyed our family to be with her
When he first came back, I contacted her to find out the truth. We had been in touch off and on since then, mostly with her checking in to see if I’m okay. But I’ve cut off contact with her now. I guess I stayed in contact because I blamed my WH for everything, when in reality, they both needed to be blamed.
She knew he was married and about our baby, yet she still pursued a relationship with him. He even moved in with her, living his life until he realized that wasn’t what he actually wanted and came running back, thinking I would take him back with open arms
I won’t lie, during the first few weeks after he left, I actually wanted him back. I was going through postpartum alone, caring for our son by myself, it was a really dark time. I won’t forget how he robbed me of what was supposed to be a bonding experience with my son. Now I have PTSD and don’t think I ever want more kids
I keep thinking about how he was able to sleep at night, knowing he left us. Our son is almost 5 months old now, and my husband left when he was just 4 weeks. It’s still hard for me most days, but I push through for my baby. I’m in a separate bedroom and try to avoid him as much as possible, but it’s hard with a baby.
He’s been really active in our son’s life, and sometimes I wonder if he’s genuinely committed or just trying to impress me. Every couple of days, he begs me to consider MC, literally on his knees, sometimes in tears. I just stare at him with no emotion because I’m so angry. At night, I cry about it and sometimes imagine what would happen if I gave MC a chance.