'I'm newly married and six months pregnant and my husband just told me we're 'not compatible.'"

"My husband waited until we were married and I was pregnant to decide we aren’t compatible???"

I (29F) and husband (29M) have been together for 9 years, married 6 months, pregnant 5.5 months with a honeymoon baby. Husband has now decided we’re not “compatible”, I don’t have the “relationship with his family he wants me to have”, and that overall he wants a divorce.

He was quick to note since I’m pregnant we can’t get divorced until after the baby is born. I have given up my dream job, being near family and friends and being active in my nieces and nephews lives to be here with him. He says he loves me but that he’s not “in love” with me. Says he doesn’t know if he was in love with me at our wedding earlier this year or even last year when he proposed.

I’m spiraling as my whole life is being dangled in front of my face. I want to move home and be with my support system. We also have other children in our home (no relation to us) whose lives would be drastically affected if they were moved right now.

I feel an obligation to let them finish school here before potentially uprooting them. This far into pregnancy I’m also concerned with moving and finding a new doctor. This would mean getting a new job, new house, selling our home, uprooting the kids in our home and completely starting over before I give birth in 3 months which I don’t feel is attainable this quickly.

I want my marriage to work. Very much. I was very intentional about waiting until marriage to have a child of my own due to having divorced parents. We’ve gone to a few counseling sessions and I’m in individual counseling. I’m just so blindsided by this 9 years in and in what should be the happiest time of my life as newly weds and newly pregnant with our first child.

I want to fight for my marriage. At the same time, I also don’t feel I should have to beg someone to love me and our unborn child and put us first. He says he still loves me. Says he wants to coparent. Still wants to he intimate (but I have shut that down). He has made it out like he wants all the benefits of being together without being married or a full time parent.

I don’t deserve this. My baby doesn’t deserve this. But damn it. I want to fight for my family but also don’t want to beg for me and my child to be made a priority. This is the most vulnerable time of my life and this has added unimaginable stress.

I don’t know what I want from this post… maybe advice. Maybe similar stories with success and no success. My heart just aches.

Ooof.

Any thoughts? Advice? This is what commenters had to say:

Savings_Pipe_8029 said:

You need to move now. Once the baby is born, he can legally stop you.

Bookblanket said:

If you want to raise your child near your family, potentially get your dream job back. You need to move back now. Ideally get him to say all of this in writing. But at a minimum you need to move home now so you’re settled and have love and support when you have your child and are living in a place you want to raise them.

If he changes his mind, he can move to you this time. You absolutely need to be 100% selfish right now and take care of yourself in order to be able to care for your child.

Ray-RayQ said:

I don't think your marriage is salvageable long term. This is a betrayal of epic proportion.

I would strongly suggest you move back to your family, and have your baby there.

Once you have a baby, at least in my state, you couldn't move without the other parent's agreement. So go get your support network and let your kid grow up with their cousins. Have the support from your parents and friends. Do not rely on a flaky guy if you can have your friends and family

Hopeful-Artichoke449 said:

Sounds like an affair

coolgramm said:

I think what others seem to be skimming past is that the ‘other’ children are her legal responsibility since she is their co-legal guardian. OP, can you legally take these children with you? You are clearly concerned for them.

I agree with those who say to move back to your support system before the baby is born, but I also hear your concern. If you can take all the children, take them even during the school year. They will adjust, with your help.

OP responded:

Thank you. They truly are my biggest concern. I have had them half their life. They know me as their parent and I am their safe person. We are their legal guardians but parental rights are still intact so it’s also getting approval to take them or having another legal battle to fight that.

That’s what gives me pause - that alone will take time to fight if it comes to that. They may not be my “bios” but they are MINE and I am the only “mom” they identify to. But biological parents have rights as well since it would be moving out of jurisdiction they can fight to renegotiate custody.

I will not leave them with him. He couldn’t tell you their birthdays or how to spell their last names on a good day. I don’t want their business all out there but they are mine as much as the baby I’m pregnant with.

In response to the commenters, OP wrote:

I already texted my family to start the process. ❤️‍🩹 I just needed to know I wasn’t crazy.