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Husband tells wife, 'I'm perfectly capable of being a SAHM like you. It's easy.' AITA?

Husband tells wife, 'I'm perfectly capable of being a SAHM like you. It's easy.' AITA?


When this husband feels like his wife's job isn't that hard, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for telling my wife that I would be perfectly capable of doing what she does?'

I (30M) have a wife (30F) and a daughter (7F). I work in finance and my wife is a stay at home mom as I earn sufficient for the both of us.

My wife is a great SAHM and takes great care of our house. I was lucky to buy a home as I earn well in a medium cost of living city. I love my wife but she finds it humorous to say that I am incapable of doing household tasks, we had agreed that she would do them...

when we decided she would stay at home but I do stuff occasionally when we are both home if she asks me to, but then if I say load the dishwasher for her she will claim I did it wrong just because I do it different than she does (it still cleans well).

The other day we were eating and she told me about her day and how she went grocery shopping and optimized the cost by buying specific items at specific stores and accounting for the cost of traveling to each store and she made an offhanded remark that I would never be able to do that and said it in a 'what would you ever do without me?' kind of way.

I replied back saying that of course I could do it, I handle complex decisions and calculations at my work as I work in finance and that I have a masters degree and what I do involves more intellect than household operations even though I acknowledged and appreciate what she does, I would be capable if the roles were reversed.

She got angry and seemed to think I was calling her stupid when I wasn't and then cried and now I feel like an AH. She said she was a very good student and had she graduated she would be in my position as well.

My wife and I met in college but she was an international student studying physics and computer science and she had issues with her loan from her home country and could not afford to complete it and we got married then so she could stay.

Initially she wanted to complete it later after finding the funds but she agreed to be a SAHM when I got a good job and I appreciate that a lot as we were able to have a kid early on even while I was both completing my masters and working full time. AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say.

onesforme writes:

I'm willing to say YTA - BUT - Not in a typical way. Your wife is bored and doesn't feel appreciated. She was sharing all these things with you so you would say wow great job, you're brilliant. Apologize. Tiny human is 7 now? See if she wants to go back to school. Ask her what she's thinking and listen.

potenitalhad writes:

ESH. Your wife seems to be feeling insecure about not having a job and regretful about now finishing her studies and being able to have that as an achievement. She belittles you to make her situation seem a bit better.

You didn’t react great when you finally did react. She agreed to be a SAHM…meaning you asked her to do so. So be appreciative of what she does. Y’all need to communicate better.

olaz3000 writes:

NTA. Obv there is more going on here but obviously one is higher skill level than the other, and the 'calculations' she is talking about are absolutely in your skill set.

It looks like she feels unfulfilled so has decided to master what she does and takes pride it in... but also makes it seem like every single small decision is important. Whereas you probably don't care that much about saving $40 a week on food - for her, it's like a game and she is winning by doing so. (I do this too -- when I have time!)

So, IS OP TA? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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