'I found a woman’s sock in my house after being away for a week and my boyfriend lied to me about it.' UPDATED
"I found a woman’s sock in my house after being away for a week and my boyfriend lied to me about it."
I was away for a week for work. He was off work nearly this entire time as he works one week on, one week off. When I came home, my boyfriend had cleaned the house up quite extensively.
Obviously not a crime in itself, but it was surprising and a little out of character. I usually have to do most of the cleaning, so it was unexpected. He’d even picked up some of my laundry that I’d left in the washroom and living room and put it in the basket. I was surprised but I didn’t think much of it.
He started night shifts the day after I returned and I was working days so I came home from work after he’d left. I figured I’d spend some time cleaning the house too as he’d done.
There’s a shop vac that’d been sitting just outside of our bedroom door for a few weeks that I finally moved to the closet. When I moved it, I found a sock just behind it. A small ankle sock, obviously women’s in a brand that I’ve never seen before.
I had a bad feeling by this point but I put the sock on a table by my bedside and continued cleaning, intending to ask him about it when he returned from work early in the morning.
When I asked him whose sock it was, he said he didn’t know. He then said he found it on the stairs and thought it was mine, so he put it there.
But I put the sock there.
I doubt he’d even seen it around the house or else it wouldn’t have been behind the shop vac. And if he had seen it and thought it was mine, wouldn’t he have put it in the basket with my other clothes that he’d put away?
I told him that I put the sock there and asked him why he lied about putting it there. He said he didn’t have anybody over and he didn’t know whose sock it is. I left and got ready for work and he went to sleep. Any advice on how to address this?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to update in less than 48 hours as per community rules. But he woke up. I’m sitting here in my office area, doing some work but also periodically crying and reading the comments here.
He came into the room and tried cuddling me from behind my chair. I was obviously stiff and he asked me why I was mad at him. I said that I didn’t know why he wasn’t honest with me earlier about the sock. He said he didn’t lie to me.
I said I put the sock there on the table so he couldn’t have. He said that he’d meant he’d found the sock while cleaning and he’d tossed it aside (landing forgotten behind the shop vac).
He then got super mad, saying that I’m always accusing him of cheating. Swearing around and saying that he’s not coming on our trip to my parents’ house during the summer and that he’s staying at the house all summer and that a friend of mine who was supposed to rent the house for work during the summer can’t stay there then because he’ll be here.
I asked him why he was getting so mad and said that I’d been upset and I just needed an explanation and reassurance from him. He continued to lose it. Stormed towards the door and threw his cup full of coffee down the stairs.
He grabbed an old baseball bat that we keep by the stairs and started hitting the step outside the door yelling that he’s “not effing cheating”. Threw his lunch that he’d packed for work all over the steps and peeled off in his truck.
Two days later, the OP returned with their final update.
We broke up. As a lot of the comments have said too, it wasn’t really about the sock anymore. Maybe I won’t ever know what happened while I was away, but the violence in his response was frightening and I don’t want to be with someone that makes me feel unsafe in my home.
It wasn’t the first time that I have seen him that angry, but it is the first time that he has done something so physical and I don’t want to be involved if it continues to escalate.
He’s been taking some of his stuff while I’ve been out of the house (and one of our dogs which has been probably the most upsetting out of all of this) and I’ve been changing the lock code after each time. I have some friends that live nearby that I’ve explained the situation to and they’ve assured me I can contact them if I ever end up in an unsafe situation.
Thank you to everyone that has offered advice, shared their own experiences, or expressed concern for my safety in the comments. There will be a lot of changes in my life upcoming due to this but I know it’s for the best.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
He lied about how the sock got there, first off. And when you confronted him about why he lied, he deflected with an entirely different answer you didn’t even ask about “I didn’t have anyone over.” - but you didn’t ask if he did. You asked why he lied. It doesn’t really matter who the sock belongs to now - what matters is it’s NOT yours, and he lied to you several times about it.
After the update the better question is would you stay with someone whose reaction is escalating into violence? Jesus christ OP needs to get out of there.
His being violent and destructive in your presence is abusive behavior. Even though he’s not directing the violence at you. I think it’s pretty irrelevant at this point if he’s cheating, although I absolutely think he is. But even if he is not, becoming violent in reaction to very valid questions from his partner is a huge red flag.
He gave it all away when he lied about putting it on the bedside table.
Sorry.
A girl gave you a warning. A sock is a really clever clue, your boyfriend wouldn't have known it wasn't your sock, and there's no way you leave someone else's house and forget a sock. She's telling you it was intentional. Beyond that you do you. However it's clearly not the first time if he was so comfortable with it. Dig deeper and you will find answers.
He cleaned the house extensively to make it look like she didn’t live there too. He was def cheating.
The fact his first go-to was "well since you've accused me of cheating, I will NOT go to your family thing and therefore will be alone in the house AGAIN" tells me he was 100% cheating and immediately saw the accusation as a way to secure more time to cheat. Then he turned out to be a violent abuser so whether he cheated mattered somewhat less.
You know what’s going on. You don’t want to be right. I mean, it’s a sock and not a pair of panties or a bra. But he clean the house, out of character, and lied about a sock. A sock.