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'I have a crush on my roommate. I can't figure out if she likes me back. Help.' UPDATED 4X

'I have a crush on my roommate. I can't figure out if she likes me back. Help.' UPDATED 4X


"I (19f) have a crush on my roommate (20f). I can't figure out if she actually likes me back or not or is just being friendly. Help."

I've lived with my roommate for over a year now. We met in high school (a few classes) but we were never really friends. We worked on some projects together and that's it. I never really paid attention to her but she is SMOKING hot and I obviously knew she was and acknowledged it.

We ended up going to the same college together though and decided since we know each other we should room together. She's a v lovely roommate but I've ended up developing a pretty huge crush on her after I started being in her company a lot (I'm a lesbian. I'm fully out. My roommate knows this).

The problem is, I can't figure out if she's flirting with me or not. Please help me. I'll list some instances from the past year in no order that have stood out to me.

1.) She said that we should make a list of each other's fave orders from a bunch of places so if we need to order for the other we can. I said sure that's good. Over the past few months, when I had a lot of things due and my anxiety was acting up,

she kept paying for my fave order meals (usually we split money) and getting me them with very cute cards telling me good luck and stuff. When I tried to do it back she said "no, let me take care of you" and my small gay self collapsed.

2.) Her baby niece came to visit once with her sister and she referred to me as "auntie's very special girl friend". I freaked but just laughed it off.

3.) She gets me anything I say in passing I want or circle in any catalogue that I have. We don't have a lot of money but she keeps doing it because she says she wants me to be happy so I started doing it and now we're both kind of broke but have some sort of present buying stand off going on even currently.

4.) She said I smell very very nice and hugged me once at home and didn't let go for a while, saying I smell like home and all things nice. When we split for the summer in the past few months, she texted me saying she misses the way I feel and smell with no regard for my gay heart. I said you smell nice too and she laughed about it. I never know how to respond.

5.) She once held my hand while we were walking outside and she wanted to pull me along. She didn't let go until she had to, and since then whenever we go out, she holds my hand. I don't know if it's platonic.

6.) I once fell asleep on my work and I woke up with my head in her lap and she was watching her laptop and stroking my hair and I almost had a stroke. She said I looked peaceful so she didn't wake me. She also cuddled me when I was upset about a bad quiz grade and held me until I felt better.

7.) While drunk, she looked at me and said that I looked like I wanted to kiss her and when I panicked she was like "I won't mind", but she was very very wasted and she forgot about it I think so I never brought it up.

8.) She referred to me by my name for a few months, but now she almost exclusively calls me "baby". She asked me if it was okay and I was like yeah go for it and she was like thanks because I always refer to my friends like this. But SHE DOESNT. I've never heard her call anyone else baby. She also occasionally says "baby girl" and "cutie".

9.) She said to me "why do you look so beautiful without trying" after I had rolled out of bed. I don't know what she meant.

10.) She was sick a few months ago so I took care of her and she called me her "little nurse angel" and held my hand while sleeping, but she was so sick I don't think it counted.

11.) She regularly sends me things that I like (fandoms she's not even in) or random posts and says "thinking about you" or "reminded me of you". She's also gotten into many of my interests, as i have into her interests. Now we're saving up for a convention based on a joint interest.

12.) Past Valentines day this year, she texted me saying "You're my valentine" (as a joke?) and I said okay you're mine. She then gave me a stuffed animal, I had to scramble to buy her chocolates and then we went to go eat at my favourite takeout place. A guy also gave me a chocolate (we're friends) while she was with me and she said "don't steal my valentine now".

13.) We weren't close for her first birthday freshly after we became roommates. We were closer for my birthday and she gave me a VERY expensive gift after working over time at shifts and she said "you deserve the best". Her birthday has JUST passed and I went all out, got her cake and presents and we went out to eat at her favourite place. She hugged me very very tight after and said that i make her happy.

14.) She also regularly says "okay! it's a date" every time we make plans but that's a fairly common thing to say so I don't know if she means it literally.

15.) This doesn't count but she looks at me very intensely sometimes. I don't know how to describe it but it doesn't look very platonic. But maybe she just does that to everyone so I don't know. She's a very intense person in general I think.

This is all I can think of right now. If I'm forgetting anything, I'll probably edit this post. My friends think she definitely likes me and think I'm being stupid and oblivious on purpose. I just think she's straight and doing this out of friendliness so my friend asked me to post here and get a general consensus. She had a boyfriend in high school briefly and I'm afraid to ask her sexuality.

I don't want to be let down but I want her to like me SO BAD, and I keep avoiding her sometimes and her friendliness because I don't want false hope. I know I probably sound stupid and in denial but I suffer from bad anxiety and I can't just go up and ask her unless I'm sure. I don't want to lose her. Please help.

Tl/dr: I am gay and my roommate keeps doing things that are toeing the line between being romantic and platonic. I don't know what she means. Advice needed.

What do you think?? Is this love? Or is she in fantasy-land?

Commenters weighed in.

tesselode said:

you're already dating and you just don't realize it yet

[deleted] said:

I couldn't read past number 5 without concluding that this girl totally likes you. How many of these things have you ever done for a platonic friend?!? Just gals being pals.... Lol

bookwyrm39 said:

Okay, definitely not one to rain on a gay parade, but just throwing a couple of cautions out there. Bi female here, a looot if this list would apply to me and my very straight best friend. While it is incredibly possible that your roommate is also into you, it is possible she is not. I think communication is a wonderful idea to help soothe your cute gay heart,

just maybe do so in a way that will allow you two to keep living together comfortably if somehow you’ve misread signals. In my personal case, my bff knows that I was closeted for years and terrified of taking advantage of any of my friends with “straight” physical affection.

She is super physical and affectionate with me intentionally to let me know that my gayness is in no way an obstacle to our closeness. I’d just hate to see you lose a living situation you love because all of us WANT your crush to be requited. Either way, please post updates. Wishing the very best to you both!

A day after her original post, she shared this update:

I was...not expecting this many upvotes or comments. Thank you for everyone's nice words and advice :) the fact that you guys are rooting for me makes me feel a LOT better. I have no idea how to reply to everyone I'm so overwhelmed so I'll make this one comment :D

Generally people have told me to just come out and ask her about her sexuality. I am absolutely out to her, she knows I'm gay and I say "im so gay" every single day in some context. She has NOT missed it. I've never talked to her about her sexuality explicitly but she does call both male and female actors hot, but I thought it was for the memes. Asking her if she is serious is the way to go :)

Once I have a read on her sexuality then I will hopefully ask her out. Will do this over text though, I'm too nervous to do it face to face :( I will update with text screenshots once I have something :D

A lot of people have also pointed out that dating a roommate is shaky because what if you break up and I completely agree. But asking her is worth it I think. If I don't get a concrete read on her feelings I will DIE. Thank you again for everyone's nice words :D

~signed, as many people have called me, useless lesbian

Seven hours later, she posted a second update:

I have decided to take Reddit’s advice and not text her about this. I’m gonna wait until dinner tonight and then I’m gonna fully confront her. That being said my friend saw this circulating on twitter ???? And my crush HAS twitter so if she sees this before I have the chance to ask her myself I’m gonna crawl into a hole and die.

Four hours after that, she wrote:


A day later, and about two days after her original post, she shared this final exciting update:

I said we were going to talk over dinner. She came home and I made dinner (tried) and I said I wanted to talk to her and she was like "Is it about the post" and I was like hahahaha what post [thanks twitter] and she was like I already saw it [friend name] sent it to me on twitter and I was like hahahahah oh nooo.

Anyway it beat being awkward about it. We talked in detail. We are from an area where if someone is out as into women, everyone will know about it. That is why I didn't know whether she was bi or not. Turns out she is! Or has been figuring it out for the past few years.

I honestly should have realised considering how much she thirsts over women in any media we consume, but I thought it was a joke. She said she likes both men and women and that she had been trying to flirt and put her feelings across to me from the things I mentioned in the post.

She also said my post sounded like a meme and she thought it was a joke until she realised that it was me and I can be dense. She did say I could've just spoken to her before going to reddit but why would I do that you know? She also showed me her phone and her entire twitter search history was keywords related to my post where she was looking at the responses and laughing at them, both on reddit and twitter.

Anyway! We're formally dating! Thank you so much for your kind words and well wishes.

Tl/dr: i have a girlfriend! Thank you all very much


Sources: Reddit
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