'I lost respect for my BF after his disgusting 'prank' at work. Am I overreacting?' UPDATED 2X

"I lost respect for my SO after a disgusting 'prank' at work crossed a line."

Keeping this vague for privacy, and throwaway account for obvious reasons. My SO recently told me about a situation at their job. A coworker accidentally left behind a food item and asked another coworker to drop it off at their house. Not that it really matters, but thankfully the food item was still sealed and unopened.

My SO suggested dunking the item in a public restroom toilet as a joke before returning it. The other coworker actually did it, and the item was given back without the person knowing.

My SO told me this story like it was funny. I was disturbed. It feels immature at best and unethical at worst. Just because no one technically *likes* this co-worker, that doesn’t justify doing what they did.

Since starting this job, I feel like my SO's maturity level has regressed significantly. I am losing respect and questioning our future over the shift I'm seeing.

Am I overreacting to see this as a serious character issue?

This is what people had to say to OP:

PropaneSalesMen said:

Messing with someone's food, especially in that matter, is disgusting. Not funny at all.

wdjm said:

That's not 'immature.' It's bordering on sadism. At the least, it's reckless with someone else's health - and completely uncaring about being so.

Frankly, if I learned my SO thought this was funny, I'd be wondering what similar things he'd done - or would be willing to do - to ME that I wouldn't have noticed. Because if it was funny to do to his coworker, he'd think it's just as funny to do to you.

moist_towelette said:

If he’s co-signed this level of disrespect, it will eventually circle back to his treatment of you. Please tread carefully OP; this is a relationship-ending offence.

And Nyx_Shadowspawn said:

I wouldn't be able to trust them again. That's revolting. And I think illegal.

The next day, OP shared this update:

Hours after calmly explaining how this behavior could affect our family, it was acknowledged. Then hours later they completely dismissed what I said and, in writing, sent a message to another co-worker higher up than them, about wanting to knock that same co-workers teeth out of their mouth.

The immaturity is beyond repair. I plan on setting them down tonight and potentially discussing a trial separation until they can get their sh!t together. I am officially done.

Two days later, OP shared this second update:

No amount of calmly explaining or simplifying how inappropriate his behavior has been since starting this new job has made him understand. I had a very blunt and direct conversation with my SO about how unacceptable his actions were at work. As expected, he deflected and made excuses. I shut that down immediately.

For anyone who does not know the context, my SO suggested to a coworker that they should dunk another coworker’s sealed food item into a public toilet. When I confronted him about how disgusting and serious that was, he doubled down and sent a written message joking about assaulting this same individual to his boss. The boss is equally immature, if not worse.

Here are the excuses he gave:

• He was on the clock, but the coworker who actually tampered with the food was off the clock.

• The coworker who followed through has a mental disability and “took the joke too seriously.”

• The head boss talks like that all the time, so he did not see the harm in doing the same.

• The coworker whose food was tampered with is an alleged drug user, so he feels no empathy toward them.

• Other coworkers were also suggesting ways to tamper with the food.

None of that changes the fact that this happened at work. None of it changes the fact that he is the sole provider for our family and our children. None of it excuses risking our financial security over middle school level behavior.

Since starting this job, this level of immaturity has come out of nowhere. What concerns me the most is that he does not fear consequences because he believes the coworker will never find out. He does not believe there will be legal or professional repercussions. He does not know that when I am financially able to, I plan to inform the employee about what happened.

I have sacrificed everything to be a stay at home mother. I do not have my own income. I do not have a village. So for him to claim the weight of being the sole provider while actively putting our livelihood at risk feels like a slap in the face. My focus is my children.

I said what I needed to say. What he chooses to do from here will determine his own future. I made it clear that this behavior is divorce worthy. I cannot leave immediately because I will not make my children homeless. But I am done tolerating this. I will find a way to create income and stability for myself, one way or another. I am done.