'I signed a 'Girlfriend Contract' for my GF thinking it was a joke. It was not.' UPDATED
"I signed a 'Girlfriend Contract' for my GF thinking it was a joke. It was not."
The context for you guys. My GF has a few trust issues as she was in a terrible childhood of abuse and she had two previous relationships where the guys were mentally abusing her so it's hard for her to trust sometimes.
So this all started back in January. I was using tinder and I matched with my then now gf. We have been together since the end of January and see each other often. She's the funniest sweetest girl I've probably ever had for a while I really thought this might be a long relationship until now.
So fast forward to now, for context my gf and I love jokes. It's never been a one-sided thing we both love making dummy jokes just for laughs and giggles. Last week we were just sitting on the couch when she got up and went to the back for something. When she returned she had a red folder and inside the red folder was the "GF contract."
Basically a GF contract is a contract that crazy GFs use to put boundaries on their then BF. (I wish I would've known this sooner) She sat down and started going over everything that was on the list. I kid you not. Throughout the whole reading of the contract, me and her were just cracking jokes about the contract. The jokes would go something like this:
GF: You cannot see Travis(my long time friend) without me being with you.
Me: Jeez imma need a small cutout of you in my pocket then lol
GF: lol
She sprinkled in some sexy rules too like "Nobody is to touch your PP but me ;)" So when she said she wanted me to sign the paper I grabbed the pen and just put my two initials along with a penis drawing right beside it clearly not taking the contract seriously then we just went back to doing what we were doing until next week happens.
Next week Travis hits me up to come chill at his house for a bit and smoke. I agree and I come to his house. Everything is all good until I get a text from my GF on Snapchat. Here's how the following messages went:
GF: Hey wyd :0
Me: Just chilling over Travis house babe. wbu?
GF: Travis house?????
Me: Yea? whats up?
GF: ...
Me: Whats up?? Do you want me to come over?
GF: No. You told me that you weren't going to talk to Travis without me being their remember?
At this point, I have no idea what she's talking about because I don't remember saying anything about not hangin with my buddy without her until she reminds me of the contract. I'm genuinely taken back by this and ask her if she was serious about that contract.
She insisted she was dead serious. I flat out told her I wasn't going to do these things as some of them were just completely outrageous like "I need $20 from you every 3 days" or "You can't get a job less than 15 miles away from our county."
After I told her no she literally started screaming at me. That she "thought I could be trusted" and that "I broke her contract". At this point she's yelling so loud that my friend can hear her and I don't even have my phone on speaker mode.
I excuse myself from Travis's place and head over to my GF house. Soon as she sees me she starts going off on me about how I could just lie like that and how i am being a selfish AH by not wanting to follow her rules when she was the damaged one in the relationship.
You guys would think I would be yelling and calling her a crazy lady but I was just so generally in shock at this sudden change in her behavior that i barely even said a word.
To give you guys a picture of how she was before the contract came up she was quiet, sweet, and funny. She would text me frequently and ask where i was because like i stated at the beginning she had trust issues and didn't fully trust me yet.
Compared to her now she was throwing insults at me left and right one about my performance in bed another about how I'm getting unemployment. After a while I snapped out of my complete shock and started arguing with her trying to make her see that the contract was completely absurd and that I needed my boundaries and that I couldn't be with her 24/7.
She's crying now telling me that she just started trusting me and that I was just like all the others which aren't remotely true as my GF has told me super personal stuff that I won't share here.
I tried to make a compromise, I can dedicate Sunday and Monday to her only where we can go do whatever she wanted within the realm of reality and not being too crazy like renting a movie and me cooking dinner or us going out to some now open restaurants to eat but she wouldn't have it.
It ended with me going home and her crying in her house that i was a liar. Guys what should i do? Im thinking she should definitely go to some kind of therapist for this but apparently she told me that she has been doing online therapy for the last 3 years and that it's really helped her but idk if i can really believe that not that all this has transpired.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
"She's the most funniest sweetest girl I've probably ever had."
You're 22. How big is the pool of past girlfriends you are comparing her with? She's crazy, toxic, abusive and controlling. But you do you.
Trust is nothing based on a contract. She also doesn't want trust. She wants control. Trust is not only something you deserve but more importantly something you can give. She isn't trusting you and never was. Trust is the opposite of contracts. Trust isn't the opposite of being with another person 24/7.
She does not trust. She thinks she does, but if she were trusting you, then that means being ok with your decisions to some part, being open honest and communicating. It is time for a serious talk about how she imagines a relationship without trust and with her being in complete (to the point of abusive) control of anything including your personal time? How can she possibly imagine that turning out well?
RUN AWAY you're 22. You're in the age where you start searching for a soulmate (if that's what you want) DON'T waste those years with a psycho. I'm 26 now and I was in the same situation you're now when I was 21. That witch sucked the life out of me.
My mental health, my relationship with my family, all the friends I lost and never got back. You deserve better. If she's damaged that's her business. Do not obey. You can see your childhood friend? She's insane. Run away. I'm serious. Please.
IMO (40F) jump on the nope train and ride it into UH-UH-istan. This is definitely not normal. She sounds toxic. I'm not so sure the exes were the problem.
My opinion (28f). Her having experienced trauma does not give her the right to control and verbally abuse you. She clearly is not ready for a relationship. After reading this, I would not be surprised if she is making up some of her past traumatic relationship experiences or even if she was the abuser and is changing the narrative to get her way with you.
I know PLENTY of girls who make stuff up like that in order to achieve a "damsel in distress" image with the men they like. I would advize you not to ignore this red flag, bc it's a big one.
Three weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
I came back to see an overwhelming amount of support and advice and I tried my best to read all of them. So getting this out the way we're not together anymore. After the post and me getting messages from people I decided before I called it off to try and reason with her one more time.
I called her up and when every time I tried to reason with her or explain that I can't do everything on that list she just called me names and say things like "if your not the one for me then" or "this other guy I was talking to said he would do it no problem."
After not being able to come to an agreement on the phone I told her that we should see other people and this is where it went crazy. Here's how it went:
Me: We should see other people since I can't make this work with that list of demands you want from me.
Her: Wait what?
Me: I'm breaking up with you Sarah(name isn't actually Sarah)
Her: HOW COULD U DO THIS? U WERE SUPPOSE TO GIVE INTO ME!!
Me: What? You're making crazy requests and its not possible for me to do all the things on your list.
Her: YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME?? IM THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOUR PATHETIC LIFE. HOW WILL YOU REPLACE ME??
Me: I think I"ll manage if my next partner doesn't flip on me for not following a list of demands. How about you go over to that other guy since he would be happy to become a slave for you?
After I hung up the phone, she tried calling me 20 different times on other peoples' phones until I finally blocked her successfully then she went to my twitter and blew it up with texts about how I'm scum and that she was going to self harm herself.
Usually, I would've jumped into texting back or something but I had gotten a few messages from other people on here saying that she might try and use that to keep me trapped so I just let her keep on going.
She ended up grabbing a picture of a person cutting her wrist and sending it to me saying that "this is what i made her do" I right-clicked the image and found the exact same picture on google, I screenshotted it then sent her the google search she goes ballistic and I just end up blocking her.
Over the last few weeks she's been constantly making new accounts on twitter and my Ig harassing me saying crazy nonsense and lies under my twitter and IG posts to make me seem like I was stalking her and that I was a creep among other things.
I would just block these immediately and if my friends or ppl I knew hmu about the comments I would just tell them what happened and show them her messages. It got to a point that when i would post something she would immediately post afterward with false accusations then my friends and others would just destroy her in the comments.
It stopped for a while. Until last week I got a random text from an unknown number and it was a video of my ex gf blowing some guy with the caption "Found someone who will follow my list :)"
So yea that hurt a lot but im doing relatively good. Got a new job and I haven't heard anything from my ex gf since that video. Thanks for all the help with this and I think i got grazed by a massive bullet right here.
Edit: Sorry forgot to post that I got in contact with one of her ex boyfriends. THEY NEVER EVEN DATED he had relations with her a few times, fully knowing they both didn’t want a relationship.
Then after one night she tried to make him sign a contract and when he said they weren’t together she flipped and kicked him out. I completely believe that she was lying about her horrible boyfriends but I oddly still do believe she had some kind of abuse as a kid to turn out this way.
Edit 2: See a lot of people in the comments asking for what was in the contract. It’s been awhile but I still remember a few and I’ll list as much as I can remember:
You have to give me $20 every 3 days.
You are not allowed to see your friends unless I’m present.
You can’t have a job 15 miles away from my home.
If you go out to eat u must share half with me always.
No talking to people in public while I’m with you. I will do the talking.
Their were at least 50 rules just like that and in between the absurd ones she would sprinkle in sexual rules as well so I generally didn’t take the contract seriously. Like a joke thing.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Sounds like an absolute psycho. Seems like she seriously has some kind of personality disorder. You dodged a bullet. Good for you for sticking to your guns.
The $20 every three days rule alone is wild..she was literally charging him a subscription fee for the relationship. That's not a partner, that's a landlord.
What kind of idiot will send a freaking VIDEO of herself blowing some unnamed guy to a guy she said she could not trust? Wasn't she afraid that video may leak? What if OOP forgot to delete that video, then one day his phone got stolen and her video gets spread around? Idiot doesn't even begin to describe this girl.
The fact that he didn't laugh in her face when she got serious about her "contract" is baffling.
This girl is crazy, and even worse doesn't understand how contracts work, the greatest sin of all. A “contact” which does not include consideration (ie both parties get something), which are not understood by both parties, and which are not freely entered into are not enforceable. Basically you cannot coerce or trick someone into obeying your demands, and you actually have to spell out what they get in return.