Sorry if I misspell anything, but English is not my first language. This Is a long and more complicated story than what I'm about to tell, but I'll try to be as short as possible to not bore you.
Me (45) and my husband (42) had been married for 16 years. Not the best marriage. I worked day shift while he worked night shifts as a guard in a club.
He cheated on me 2 times, but I always forgave him because it was in both cases a single encounter and when I found out snooping through his phone the text had stopped weeks before.
(He had the habit to not delete any chat). I wasn't really active in the last year of our marriage cause I wanted kids before but he didn't, stating that he still wanted to live child free and have fun without the responsabilities that comes with a child.
After my 39th birthday, my doctor confirmed that I couldn't have kids anymore, so I became depressed and reduce our intimate life to one time every two months.
Four years ago, he cheated on me for the third time, but this time it was different. He met this girl extremely younger than him (she was almost 19 at the time, he was 38) whom I'll call Lana (fake name).
They have been together for one year, when Lana realized that he was lying and the number he constantly received calls from wasn't actually his sister like he said but was me, his wife.
So she memorized my number and one day she called me and told me what was going on between them two. We also met one week after and she showed me all the text between them as proof, stating that she didn't know he was married and that she had immediately cut contacts with him.
Those messages were particularly hurtful to read, because unlike those with the other two women, this wasn't only physical but strongly emotional too.
He kept telling her how much he loved her, kept telling her that there was a ring coming for her and the most devastating, apparently he tried multiple times to get her pregnant but she didn't want to be mom at 19.
After I confronted my husband with all the proofs, he broke down and admitted the affair, but unlike the other two where he cried and begged, this time he seemed way less remorseful.
I told him that I was willing to forgive him again but this time we had to do couple's counseling. Two days after he suddenly looks at me and tells me that he loves me, but loves her more and wants to separate and try to get her back since she had cut him out.
At that point I let it all out and say many bad things to him and lay on the floor crying and screaming, in disbelief, asking myself how could I have wasted all these years and telling him I should have left him the first time I found out about his affair.
Angry as I was, I called my family that lives in another country, and told them everything. Word spread quickly, as the next day he received a call from his Nana that made him come back to his senses.
He came clean, apologized to me and agreed to couple's counseling. The next year seemed to go better, especially our intimate life. But I could still sense he wasn't fully happy even though he told me the opposite.
One year and a half ago he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I'm gonna spare all the details, but this has been the worst year of my life. Seeing him this weak and sick had me crushed. He died one month ago and I'm devastated.
Last week there was a meeting with the notary and his family to discuss his will. He left me and his sisters everything. Then my attorney pulled out a letter titled as "to the love of my life" — so I ask the notary to hand it to me as I guessed it was directed to me.
But instead the attorney told me that the letter was directed to Lana. My heart sank, I left the room and went to the bathroom to cry like a baby. After 10 minutes I composed myself and got back into the room.
I asked the attorney to give it to me so that I could call her and give It to her myself but, my husband had specifically request the attorney to organize a meeting with Lana to make sure she received the letter.
He was sure that if I was the one who had to contact and give her the letter, she would have never received it (and he was right).
The attorney had been able to contact her and they are going to meet on Monday. I don't know what to do. I would like to ask to be present but at the same time I know that whatever is in that letter will hurt me deeply and right now I'm already devastated.
Sorry for the long story and thank you for reading if you're here.
Here's how commenters reacted to OP's tale.
This is your second chance to live the life you wanted. Get therapy and heal!
Very rarely do these leave me speechless. Wow.
Here’s the thing: This man was a piece of shit who did not deserve you.
He WANTED to hurt you.
He could have addressed the letter simply to her name. ( To: Lana) He could have instructed the notary to not let you know about it. He knew the notary would read it just like it was written and he knew that you would hear about it. After a year and a half of taking care of him, this is how he repaid you.
He did it all on purpose. He was NOT a good man. And in the end, he chose to hurt you and showed you his true self. This is the legacy he chose to leave behind. He was a cheater and a predator.
Your priority right now is to take care of yourself! Seek therapy, work on your own mental health. You just went through so much, yet here you are.
You are still standing.
When you’re ready, I would advise you to take whatever you were left with and start a new life! Move away if you have to! Somewhere not tainted by the memory of a person who did not deserve you.
Leave him in the past and let him stay there! Let him become a distant memory.
You won the lottery. The asshole is dead. You get to move on. Forget him and his cheating ways like wiping shit off your shoe.
Whats that quote about mothers wishes her daughter grows up with a backbone instead of a wishbone
You can tell he was trying to baby trap her, since he had only dated her for a year and was trying to force her to have his kid.
His plan was to divorce you for her, but since she refused, he couldn't go through with his plan. He's just upset she was the one that got away and didn't deal with his BS
You allowed this man to destroy your life, your dignity and your self confidence.
He is dead now. LET HIM GO.
You are still young enough to move on and find someone who truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
Learn from this. Do not waste another second on this man or any other man who chooses everyone else over you.
This is your second chance. Take it. Good luck 🤞🏽
It is not too late in your life to foster or adopt an older child. You can have the family you were meant to have, don't let him stop you anymore.
Consider it a blessing? I know that's tough, and sorry this happened. But instead of grieving, you can start a new life. Take care!
Your husband was a piece of shit. Celebrate being free of his bullshit. Congratulations, now go live and be appreciated and adored by someone, you deserve it! ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss, but your “husband” was a cheater, a liar, and a huge creep. He wanted to get a teenager pregnant?? At nearly 40?
You now have a new lease of life. Enjoy it, enjoy yourself. Find someone that actually cares about I you. You are free