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Kids refuse to tell dying mom about dad's cheating. Now it's tormenting them. AITA?

Kids refuse to tell dying mom about dad's cheating. Now it's tormenting them. AITA?


Even for Reddit, among the sickest places on the internet, this is a depressing one. On a forum for relationship advice, someone's child explains what's been going on in their family — and the cheating incident they just witnessed. It's the kind of moral quandry no one should experience, especially while caring for an ailing loved one. But alas, they write:

'I'm not telling my mom (46 F) that my father (50 M) is cheating on her with a younger woman'

The title sounds bad but it is what it is.

Last year was an absolute disaster. Mom received a diagnosis of bone cancer. She is currently stage 4 with no solution despite chemo and all the doctor appointments.

It was a difficult year for everyone but my dad was nothing but supportive of her. They have been married for 20 years. He take sgood care of her.

Today I see him at the cafe with another woman. Younger and with long hair. I run away crying. I went to my older brother and he says to not tell mom. Because she has maybe 5 months left to live, probably less.

We decided that it is best if she died convinced that her husband loves her unconditionally. Or maybe we are just 2 cowards. I don't know if we are doing the right thing by not telling her.

We decide that we are going to cut our father off but we are keeping everything civil and nobody suspects anything. I just want mom to die peacefully.

Are we doing the wrong thing? Forgot to mention they were kissing and there was a bouquet on the table

HELLO EVERYONE: I have a small update today I took my father's phone and checked his messages — he is actually cheating. The woman knows about my mom, and I'm confident to say that mom didn't give her blessing. I took her number. I'm going to talk with my uncle

But the thing about Reddit is that you'll reach enough people that some of them have actually been there before.

Mama-Toast offers her POV as a hospice nurse:

I'm a hospice nurse. I've seen the best and worst play out, and this is my two cents:

There is zero chance I'd be telling your mother. Let her pass, believing that she is in a secure, loving marriage.

There is no good outcome or 'up side' to telling her the truth. It will only cause her to suffer more.

ZealousidealLuck6961 agrees:

I just want to add there is nothing cowardly about putting your mum first, you have enough to deal with. Deal with this later.

EggplantOriginal6314 wonders:

Did your father see you ? I would probably tell him I saw him and to keep it in his pants and be there for your family until your mom is gone. I would also tell him that he has lost every ounce of my respect and when mom is gone I don’t even want to see him.

py_of says:

tell your father to knock it the f*ck off. he will have plenty of time later, just don't do this to everyone in the family now. because he is hurting everyone

BraveAccident offers:

Does your mom have any siblings that you can speak to about this? You don’t say how old you are and possibly a different perspective may help your decision, someone that is close to your mom.

OP responds:

Mom has a brother. The main point is that he already hates dad and I don't have time to organise 2 funerals.

Hot-Dress-3369 makes a practical point:

Are you sure your mom would want her assets to go to the man cheating on her and his affair partner? Because her will is probably set up to give most or all of her estate to your dad. If everything goes to him, he can tell you and your brother to f* off and give everything to his girlfriend, including your mom’s money, clothes, jewelry, family albums, heirlooms, etc.

Unless you’re absolutely sure your mom would have no problem giving everything she’s worked for to your dad’s new girlfriend, tell her. Let her make her own decisions about her marriage and her estate plan.

no one ever thinks their dad is so sh*tty that he would cut his kids off when their mom dies, but it happens all the time.

And nondescriptlady agrees:

While I don't think your mother needs the heartache, I actually think you should tell her.

She might have some difficult decisions to make about her will. She might want to make sure that your father doesn't inherit anything (if she has any assets). She might want to make sure that her children alone inherit her estate instead of her cheating husband. To that end, she might want to divorce as well.

I feel for you and your mother.

Good luck, OP.

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